"I'm never okay when you're hurting"

My ex said this to me (or could have been "Im never okay when you're upset") after a fight when he had been particularly cruel to me. He was out of town and it was all over email. It basically ended with me pleading with him to stop raging at me because I couldnt handle it anymore. At which point he decided to start being "nice" again and said this. I remember thinking it was weird at the time but didnt know why.

But it is a total abuser thing to say, isnt it?? As if my feelings of hurt and pain were not even really about me, because they were "hurting" him as well. This places blame on me, and also seems like a "I hate it when you make me hurt you" abuser kind of thing to say.

IF someone else had made me upset and he had said "I cant stand to see you upset" while trying to make me feel better it would be different. But HE was the one that was hurting me, and then acted like me being hurt was of my own doing or something completely seperate from his actions, or unavoidable.

Fucked. Truly no empathy, compassion or introspection in these freaks. Things come back to me everyday.