Joined today.

Hi everyone.

I 'found' Lisa on Melanie Tonia Evan's narcissistic abuse recovery site - listened to an interview of Lisa by Melanie, and felt like the final pieces of the puzzle of life with an 'altruistic' narcissist fell into place. I purchased "The Path Forward", and am about halfway through it, and am also using a lot of the ebooks and other resources from Melanie's wonderful site.

A little about myself...I am almost 45 and mother to four great kids. I was in a stable but unfulfilling marriage for many years before meeting my ex-N, who I, of course, believed was a gift from the universe and my forever soul mate. We have been involved to one degree or another for over seven years, and lived together for almost 3&1/2, until VERY recently. We have a 3-year-old daughter whom we are co-parenting.

I live in Sacramento, CA, btw, and would love to hear from others in my part of the world:-)

I'm at the place in my recovery journey where I feel I totally understand narcissism, (well, as much as a person can!), and I accept that I will never ever have a healthy relationship with my ex. I know and accept that the person I believed him to be was only a fantasy that he was happy to provide me with in order to get his needs met - mainly, to get a child. I understand that he will never see himself clearly, and that he will never change. I'm even okay, at this point, with breaking free from him as much as possible while co-parenting. However, I also feel (even though I realize it is probably not true) that I will never find real love, that I will never feel passion again, and that my life will never be what I once hoped it would be. I'm feeling bitter and resentful about the fact that no one except me and a couple members of my family know what/who he really is, and that he will continue to fool, charm, and use people. He will go back to the life he had before, but with a beautiful child given to him by me, without a backward glance, and while I suffer pain, sadness, loneliness, etc. I've aged terribly because of all the stress and abuse. I'm struggling financially. I have a lot of challenges, and now no partner.

Sorry to be a downer. This is where I am now, but NOT where I will stay!! I am determined to heal.

Thanks for "listening".

Stefanie