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subject of divorce

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#1 May 14 - 6AM
finallydone
finallydone's picture

subject of divorce

I've been reading all the recent posts on the difficulties many of you have faced or are facing and my heart goes out.

Over the last two years as things have gone increasingly downhill, I've lived in fear of him stalling on me if this ever completely fell apart. And I believe that's exactly what he is doing.

The worst part of this humiliating experience is that we own a house together and I have a 13 year old child. I'm trying to refinance in my name but he is delaying signing the QuitClaim. I want to do this before the end of the month when the loan goes into an adjustable rate.

Long story short, three years ago we bought the house after me waiting for three years before that. It was never the right time for him, but I could afford it and wanted my son in a house instead of an apartment. I finally said that if it would make him feel less pressured then I would just buy the house and he could just be with me like he was at the apartment. (Yeah I know, stupid). His response was "so you just don't want to buy a house with me" (this is where I could have used a clue phone).

Anyway here we are. So now, he stalled through last month, its already mid may and every day its either "we're still trying to work this out" or I get some manipulative email. It doesn't help that I fell off the wagon the other night. But now this is totally serious and I want to demand that this move forward and he sign the paper, but I already know he's going to stall, rage and screw with me psychologically. He called yesterday on his way to another show just to say hi but then I woke up to a cryptic email about "giving him 30 days". Sometimes I feel that if it weren't for my son I just couldn't keep going. The pain, confusion and anger of this has broken my spirit. My mom wants me to get a lawyer but were not married so I doubt I have many rights. I suppose its possible I could get him physically out because I have a child, but isn't emotional and verbal abuse pretty hard to prove? And it doesn't solve the refinancing issue. This is horrible and I'm so tired. Thanks for listening.

May 16 - 9AM
Carolyn
Carolyn's picture

You are right where he wants

You are right where he wants you to be-exhausted and confused. This is how he hopes you will just walk away and give him the house for your own health and safety. Lawyers are expensive, you have the house in his name, and you are not married. the first thing you need to do is assemble all the papers for the house, cancelled checks,property tax receipts, deed etc. then take the documents to a lawyer. Go see a real estate person and get some ideas what you can sell the house for. You will have options but none of them great. Maybe you will be able to buy him out, maybe the lawyer can get him to sign the quit claim but it is not in his advantage to do that. Your son will be better off if you take action and the only way is to see a lawyer. If he is co-owner he can sell his half of the house. Look at cutting your loses sell your half and move on. the key is the lawyer and get someone who has some experience in dealing with personality disordered people. Remember a lawyer charges by the hour or any part of an hour and they are more than happy to play 'psychologist' while running up a big bill. Be organized, be brief, and always bring someone with you to the lawyers office. You can do this but it will take a lot of strength. this emotional vampire is bleeding you. Once the lawyer takes over you will feel stronger. The falling off the wagon thing is a way to ease the anxiety this guy causes you. Unfortunately it makes you tired also. So eat well, excercise, find support, and get this guy out, then settle the house problem and move on. Your son is in need of your protection=get strong for him.
May 14 - 9AM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

response

call lawyers - TODAY.
May 14 - 7AM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

what to do

SEE AN ATTORNEY. Some place like Jacoby & Meyers can do this for you quickly. Put a 10 day time limit on it - he doesn't sign in 10 days - he loses all rights to claims on the proceeds. (btw the attorney will not care what he's doing or how he's doing it -- just stick to ONE ISSUE and MAKE IT FIRM) Have the attorney send him a REGISTERED LETTER. TODAY! Then talk about CHILD SUPPORT ASAP with AN ATTORNEY - not him!!!!! NOT HIM UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
May 14 - 8AM (Reply to #2)
finallydone
finallydone's picture

Barbara response

I'm thinking I do need to see an attorney. He's not my son's father - his father and I are divorced 9 years ago when this guy swooped in like Prince Charming while I was going through the end of the divorce. So anyway, the child support is not the issue. So that's the good news. The issue is that we own a house together. 1. I have the $80,000 a year steady job that I've been at for years. 2. I have the 13 year old son living in the home with a stable school, friends, etc. 3. He is an independent contractor entertainer who shows about $25,000 a year on his tax returns so I don't think the bank is going to refinance to him alone and he really doesn't want the house by himself anyway. 4. Everything in the house (and I mean absolutely every stick of furniture) belongs to me. What's he gonna do with a big empty house that he really doesn't want to spend the money on to maintain. 5. I can't really prove emotional/psychological abuse I don't think (except for my friends and son who can back up all the years of crying, fighting, son being chased down the hall and told he would kick in his door if he didn't unlock it and come pick up his coat right now. 6. I suppose they could say if you can't agree then you have to sell the house, but that could take months and months and he'd have to put money into it to keep it nice to sell. 7. He might not do anything but stop paying and figure I will so it doesn't go into foreclosure, regardless of the cost to me... until it either sells or I give up and let him back in. I know I'm overthinking and I should probably just go to a lawyer so I know exactly what my rights are.... cause everything I've researched says I don't have many since.... we're not married. It's just a joint piece of property.
May 14 - 11AM (Reply to #3)
Fawn
Fawn's picture

Check your State Laws

If you aren't married, I'm not sure that his name being on the deed is an issue. It depends on the State you are in. Check with an attorney to make sure that he doesn't get anything that is yours. sounds like he doesn't want the responsibility of the house anyway. You need some kind of leverage to get him to sign the quitclaim. A quitclaim can be done fairly quickly and easily and then he can just move on. My Narcissist is stalling on the quitclaim too to try and get some more money out of me. He is in contempt of court for this but his attorney is clueless, so I am just waiting for our court date in August. In the meantime, I need to refinance but I'm not going to do it while his name is on the deed.