The truth will set you free Please pray for me

I wanted the truth! I just wanted to be informed on how and what happened. I hated that he couldn't just come right out and tell me. My imagination was running wild, my resentment growing. I have had to be in the same home with him and watch him interact with our children, refuses to leave our bed while I barely slept on the sofa and deatl with everyday issues & phone calls for our family and him, knowing we were crumbling the whole time.

I had my last and final "marriage" counseling session with our Pastor and learned the reasons they have waited to reveal the entire story up to now. I found out that both Pastor and my husband felt it was best to wait to tell me while they worked out a plan, since this also involved our Church. This Pastor had advised my husband to put off telling me about this other woman.
Rather, young woman, nearly a child that just turned 18. She was 17 at the time she and my husband met, at a Youth Music event out of state of which he was a chaperone for our Church Youth Group. I will not list many specifics here for the protection of my family. But I will say that after this Youth concert event weekend she and my husband began a texting relationship that became more and more involved and inappropriate. This went on for months, and they began meeting up and going on casual dates, a movie theater location about 30 miles out of our town (as not to be seen) and eat o go to the mall and then get a hotel room for a few hours before they both had to get back.

The Pastor produced a thick folder of documents copies of texts messages, emails etc... and told me my husband had already read all of this info! This girl's parents presented this file of evidence to our Pastor because they were seriously wanting to press charges and gathered evidence of the affair. In these texts my husband referred many times to being unhappy in his marriage to me, described me as a 'nag' and that I never had sex with him, that I lost interest in sex and I ignored him all the time - and that was just a portion of what caught my eye and stuck out to me when I flipped through the pages. It hurt so bad to read him putting me down. The relationship continued in secret for sometime he even picked her up at school, called in to the school saying he was her Father, to excuse her from school and then returned her back to get home on time. He called the school with false excuses of dentist visits and such,( and, the school never asked for ID!!???) She said he treated her like he was her boyfriend and even sent flowers to her school!!

The Pastor did most ALL of the talking and explaining. My husband sat with his arms crossed silent, just watching me take it all in. I think he said my name, I held my hand up, hoping he would not speak to me or bother with 'sorry'.

Quite the adventure he enjoyed for half a year :...(

Then she became pregnant, told my husband right away and eventually told her parents about the + test result after a missed period. Soon after this, she turned 18. My husband gifted her a diamond 3 heart necklace, representing him, her and the new baby. She wears it every day.

Her parents investigated pressing charges against my husband (rightfully so!) and also the Church.
They were attempting to build a case against my husband and presented all the evidence which were all the text messages, emails and photos. My husband was confronted my the Pastor at the start of this and advised my husband on what to do from then on. This young woman's family does not believe in abortion, and they are greatly hurt & crushed for their pregnant young daughter, but they will not support an abortion and will support her and help her with this child. They have decided to not pursue charges, as their daughter made it clear that she is in love with my husband, wants his baby and will no cooperate with any punishment.

I looked at this stack of papers in my lap and I knew I had to keep it, I carry a large bag and put it inside I zipped it closed and held it tight on my lap. After that move, my husband and Pastor asked for it back and I told them I would send them a copy. I told them how upset I was last to know. The Pastor said he wanted to tell me when he had all the info and I told him I felt he wanted to protect his church, not me. He explained they were trying to 'break the blow', and come to understand what we as a family are facing and what the Church my be facing as it was a Church event that my husband chaperoned. And what happened affected also the members of our Church. They both reassured me it was not to keep me in the dark, they both always intended to tell me but they had to know what they were facing before they chose to reveal to it all to me.

The Pastor asked us to join hands to pray before leaving. I could not stand with these men. I could not hold hands.

I can pray on my own.

I told my husband what a coward he was that he couldn't admit his lies to me, that I felt he was weak and spineless to of preyed on a young girl for sexual gratification and how selfish he was to do that to her, knowing how naive young girls can be. He knew better. I told them both I will never be back here, I will never come again for a session and I will no longer attend this church.

I held the note book tight when I walked out. There was no way I would let this info out of my hands.

I leafed through some 30 pages of texts ,emails and photos in the car and grieved so intensely.

Disbelief at his flowery & complimentary words and his intense personality in his texts to her. I hardly recognized a mature husband with 3 kids, more like a teenager! At one point asking her drive to our neighborhood, he would say he was going for a jog and he could 'steal 20 mins with you'. According to the texts He also checked on her 5-8 times during the day while she was in school (and he was at work). She is normal young girl, and she wrote typical things you would expect. She fell in love quickly with him and she loved all his attention. She often referred to me in texts as the 'nag' as in, 'can you get away from the nag tomorrow??? lol I miss you soo much baby!! I can meet you at 2 outside the mall pick me up then"'....................with a titty pic attached finger in mouth.

I did not have the heart or stomach to read line by line and I don't know if it is healthy to do so.

The most interesting parts of these documents were the letters from the parents to the Church. Knowing their names, who they are and how concerned they are for their young girl who is delivering in July. This girl wants him to be part of her babies life, begging at times for her parents to understand, and if they didn't, threatening to leave home and my husband would take care of her and find her a place to live, if they didn't allow him in their lives to be a father to her child.

I know this information is more for my attorney than myself. It will hurt me more to read it all. I will not do that.

What I have seen and read so far, is devastating enough.

I now have what I needed : the truth.

I went right to Kinko's and copied the whole thing, and then shipped it to my lawyer and gave it to my Mother to hide away.

I went home and gathered the kids. I did a great job convincing them we were having a sleep over at Gama's tonight and they picked all their favorite movies, I told them they could stay up all night, and my oldest may skip school tomorrow. hey were so happy about this! and that made me feel only a little better to see their smiles. I can't go back home tonight, Just for tonight I am staying away. I need distance.

I prayed for this, and He answered my prayer. I trust God will take it from here and lead me to the right people. I am divorcing my husband, the sooner - the better.

My heart feels as if it has caved into itself.