We want and need approval and love so badly that we allow the horror that is a narc. We get lonely. There are many more women than there are men in this world. It's awful sometimes, the loneliness. It can break you. We live in a world now where beauty, thinness, and financial success is expected from a woman, and we hold ourselves to standards that are so ridiculous that we lose sight of what really makes us fulfilled. We compare and despair about other women. And we don't need to be co-dependents to feel this way...I feel that narcs are on the rise because women have never been so exploited, thin, rich and STUPID as they are in Hollywood nowadays, and in the music business, which is devoid of any real art. We see magazine covers of women that we are supposed to look like, and we are encouraged to attain that level of beauty. We don't read anymore...we don't have to...we have the web. There is very little emphasis on our inner lives. Facebook also encourages beauty, and puts pressure on us. So does the rest of the internet. It is a sad time we live in. I believe today's culture is as much to blame for the steep rise in NPD as our own issues of low self-esteem. Any woman, no matter her background, can be taken in by a narc/con man.
they are an addiction. We had been friends/acquaintances for months on FB (old classmates), but once the flirting started and escalated, I got "hooked" within a matter of days/a couple of weeks. I actually said to him, "You're like my secret addiction."
Here's a song I posted here several weeks ago that is also on my "Narc Playlist." Pretty much says it all, and I have several of her songs on the list. Kelly Clarkson was definitely Narced.
Addicted - Kelly Clarkson
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bXyrMaFZM0g
"Like a leech sucking the life out of me....it's like I'm not me"
Oh, my. I haven't listened to this song since I've "seen the light". Sounds totally like the N experience.
Are you willing to post or send me your "Narc Playlist"? Music has been key to my survival and I'm always looking for new music.
TovaBella listed a playlist a week or so ago (Thanks, TB!) and two of the songs that hit the nail on the head were:
Pearl by Katy Perry
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ukj6hH1pBgQ
A Little Bit Stronger Every Day by Sarah Evans
http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=sarah+evans+a+little+bit+stronger&aq=0&oq=sarah+evan
This is a growing list and I've added songs to it thanks to others here who have recommended some and also a couple from TovaBella's list.
Anything But Down - Sheryl Crow
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JJqmyOeOnWk
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/sherylcrow/anythingbutdown.html
(Watch the video - she's a puppet on strings. I have listened to this song for years and never understood it as more than a one-sided, selfish relationship. TOTAL Narc experience. These lyrics make way more sense to me now.)
Perfect Lie - Sheryl Crow
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MHEp4vVYYjA
http://www.songs-lyrics.net/so-Sheryl-Crow-lyrics-Wildflower-lyrics-Perfect-Lie-lyrics-A000717360105002C9.html
Insensitive - Jann Arden (Ha, ha.... love the way the guy is Hoovering in this video)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-nrGWwHalCU
Jar of Hearts - Christina Perri
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8v_4O44sfjM
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/christinaperri/jarofhearts.html
Rolling in the Deep - Adele
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iXxf7JZ3NU
Set Fire to the Rain - Adele
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FlsBObg-1BQ
Rumour Has It - Adele
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ti3t7MAwaaM
I Wish I Wasn't - Heather Headley
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8oz716XcQqU
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/heatherheadley/iwishiwasnt.html
Narcissus - Alanis Morrissette
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yP5bEnJBx2k
You Oughta Know - Alanis Morrissette
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4UEWbTxmG9o
You're Not Sorry - Taylor Swift
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jA6sueOuZm4&feature=related
Cold As You - Taylor Swift
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKhR-jI4XLk
Linger - The Cranberries
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2PhOfJhJKZk
Cold Hearted Snake
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oYKMZUNHTAI
I Hate Myself for Loving You - Joan Jett
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPkTGm4RtVM&feature=related
Hot N Cold - Katy Perry
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kTHNpusq654&feature=fvst
Womanizer - Britney Spears
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDq0PzCrf5w
Toxic - Britney Spears
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlZP8yg15RA
Smooth Operator - Sade
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMMKSa8DBME
Betcha Say That - Gloria Estefan
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YOyGOjM8xbc
You're So Vain - Carly Simon
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZnlaSq9VJa0
Barely Breathing - Duncan Sheik
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0TLK-i2X9zw
Don't Think of Me - Dido
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xn32EDxPfSc&feature=fvwrel
Never Ever - All Saints
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vx6DtgW_uh0
Unforgiveable - Armin Van Buuren
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eyUfJVqMtO0
Out of Goodbyes - Maroon 5 feat. Lady Antebellum
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_6PL_Tlq-m8
THE KELLY CLARKSON COLLECTION (she should be a member here):
Addicted - Kelly Clarkson
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bXyrMaFZM0g
Walk Away - Kelly Clarkson
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWIB4DCtooI
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/kellyclarkson/walkaway.html
Never Again - Kelly Clarkson
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GVYesEpMr84
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/kellyclarkson/neveragain.html
Since U Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7UrFYvl5TE
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/kellyclarkson/sinceubeengone.html
Don't Waste Your Time - Kelly Clarkson
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NjM9nTd9Jnc
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/kellyclarkson/dontwasteyourtime.html
Beautiful Disaster - Kelly Clarkson
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGg1gvs7QfM
You Thought Wrong - Kelly Clarkson feat. Tamyra Gray
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UCQhCkCxBVM&feature=related
FROM THE NARCISSIST'S POINT OF VIEW:
For Your Entertainment - Adam Lambert
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0F2hqlV8-N8
I'm a Creep - Radiohead
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9eHus6M7Gpk
Poker Face - Lady Gaga
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yODa2bifHs0
Fade to Black - Metallica (My N actually sent this to me and said it's the way he feels most of the time. I thought he was just depressed at the time.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_Q4rfPRUsQ&feature=related
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/metallica/fadetoblack.html
I'm not a fan of the Black Eyed Peas... but this song is one of their best. The video was filmed in Tokyo a week before the tsunami/earthquake. It's very powerful. In the lyrics, Fergie refers to the boyfriend as a demon, and that she "just can't get enough."
In the music video, Will I Am and Fergie are alone, even when they're with each other. Their backs are literally to each other. As a couple, they're alone. She's drinking, he's addicted to his iPhone. They're not a couple, yet they're pretending to be one. It's a perfect depiction of a relationship with a Narc.
Wow! I must have missed that post! That song is perfect! I wonder if I'll be like most alcoholics and drug addicts. I wonder if I will fight the urge for him for the rest of my life?? God I hope not! When we first started seeing each other I called myself a crack-head. I was that addicted from the beginning.
I feel like a junkie all the time. When I talk to him I feel like I just got a "hit" of my drug. I see alcoholics an drug addicts in a different light now. I think they want to stop but the addiction is too strong. I feel the same about my Narc. I know he's evil and he's so bad for me but I crave him like a junkie. When I think I've finally beat the addiction he comes back around and waves my drug in my face and sometimes I'm strong and fight it but sometimes I cave and end up back in the gutter again. It's horrible.
NC is the only way to survive it. It keeps our minds clear and healthy but just like any other addict sometimes we aren't strong enough to walk away from the drug/stay NC. I've never been so addicted to anything in my whole life. I am addicted to a no-good, redneck, lying, cheating, low-life idiot. He is my drug.
Your description of your narc, sounds like mine (though I don't know about cheating). My narc was a redneck, a first for me. That is what they call themselves. I've never been so addicted either.
I understand. I think we need to learn what is missing inside of ourselves that we are trying to fill with the assclowns. They feed us something magical at the beginning, and I think we need to focus on that more and focus on the narcbutts less. Time away with nc really does bring one back to reality, where we can see how bad they are for us, and also see how self-centered and abusive and twisted they really are.
I read some good books on boundries. It spelled it out clearly that he zoned in on my weak spots. I had to figure out my weak spots and fix them. He knew how to guilt me with his horrific childhood stories. I was raised with guilt as the disipline method, so it worked perfect for him. Figuring that out and accepting the reality of the situation (not what I wanted to be the reality) has been the biggest step towards healing. He had done so much gaslighting that I honestly couldnt figure out what was real. NC help with that.
Thier fragmented minds can fragment yours with lots of exposure. I always knew things just felt wrong, but I was so confused I couldnt put it together. They are so disordered and until you accept how disordered they are and figure out thier games, you will never move on.
When I figured out his game and seen how he played me, he lost his power. When you truly take back your power, you will feel it.
I would say I was just niave(sp?) and to trusting.
I couldnt believe someone who looked and talk so normal was as vile a human as he was. Then there are the crumbs he would throw me, enough to keep me believing him.
While I was trying to figure out what he had just done to me, he was already setting me up for the next round.
It kept my mind scrambled for some months. My biggest growth spurt has just taken place. It all just takes time. This forum and NC are the key to my success.
I've been thinking about that a lot lately. What is missing in me or what is wrong with me that I allowed an abusive man to stay in my life for so long? Also, why is it so hard to stay NC even though I know FOR SURE he is pure evil? What is it in me that allowed this man in my life to begin with? AND WHY I am so addicted to him. I'd love to have the answers to those questions.
In the beginning I got lots of smiles, attention, and sex. She was very into me, and who doesn't like that? I think most of us got similar stuff that we liked from these assclowns, hell, they mirror us. Then the mixed up stuff starts slowly. In her case she was always jealous, which cracked me up, I'm a loyal guy, monogamous, and she was 14 yrs younger than me...Most of us men are pretty normal.If your nice to us most of the time, like sex, and make us feel wanted and needed, we will never leave, we aint that complicated.
She did the push pull all the time, come here stay away, it got confusing, then frustrating, then tedious, then unsafe. Of course we had a child near the beginning, and it became easier to hunker down and stay. I never sensed any cheating behavior from her til the beginning of last year, but that really doesnt even matter. I am now grateful she cheated on me, because I am now free of her and a year ago I could never have even imagined that I could be free and happy and that my child would be fine without mom and dad being together.
Alot of you are younger here, and I would like to tell you as a 57 yr old man, the time we have on this planet goes by way too fast. Don't spend any more time than necessary being pissed. So please learn from our experiences with these narcs that to be happy you must be willing to work for it. Talking and sharing here about the narcs behavior can be entertaining and educational. But we are really here on this site looking for answers. We each have our own issues, and we bring these into our new relationships whether we want to or not. I can only change myself, and that takes effort and time and willingness. Changing partners without me looking inside to fix whats broken in me is like rearranging furniture in a burning house, why bother!
Chris
Have you posted your story? I have been looking for it and I can't find it.
You seem to have your head on pretty straight. :) How long have you been out of your narc relationship?
Barking cat
We want and need approval and
Most Definitely
smitten kitten
Smitten Kitten's Narc Playlist - Updated
"Just Can't Get Enough"
Smitten Kitten
Right?
Done Sourcing
sara-smile
I understand. I think we need
I read some good books on
Done Sourcing
In the beginning I got lots
Done Sourcing
Done Sourcing
moved out permanently last