What Were the Hallmarks of Your Narc?

1. Boasted of his achievements 2. Jealous of other's achievements 3. OCD - showered 3/4 times a day. and yep, chapstick, and overdosed on the aftershave, deodorant etc. If ehe wore somethign for only a few hours it was in the wash basket 4. Always wanting to know my whereabouts, who I was going out with etc. Extremely jealous, particularly if other guys looked at me when we were out 4. Continually sending txts of a sexual nature, and telling me of his fantasies 5. All over me for weeks/months, very touchy feely, got annoyed if I didn't kiss him properly or hold his hand ......... then cold, silent, withdrawn 6. Annoyed if I didn't txt him back immediately, but if he didn't respond to me then always had an excuse 7. If he needed to see me ..... I had to make myself available there and then 8. Very organised - yep XL spreadsheets (holiday agendas, even for date options) 9. Thought he was popular, and far too important to attend various meetings etc, loved to delegate 10. Constantly calling/texting, particularly if I was out, on holiday with friends This site has been a revelation ... I should have seen the signs. I thought it was normal behaviour, or he was just having a bad day.... ugh. Goodbye demon.

Never ending "oneupsmanship"...if I accomplished something extraordinary, he wouldn't say congratulations, he wouldn't criticize me either...he would fail to acknowledge it in any way OR he'd recall that he'd done exactly the same thing and described his accomplishment to always be more spectacular in result than what I had just done. It was so exhausting...I simply stopped telling him anything. I was a female and that man had a raging case of penis envy when it came to me.

1. LIES LIES LIES all the time 2. Brags all the time. most with untruthful 'accomplishments'. Initially I was so impressed with all his grandiose talk..i thought i had struck a gold mine of goodness in my husband. 3. used to physically Thrash and insult our kid. ST came into force since past year. 4. Infatuated with OW but got no regard for me and our kid 5. Zero respect for authority 6. Obsessed with his looks and skin and hairstyle. uses lotions and 'potions' and effeminate perfumes like a newly wed bride. 7. desperate and obsessed with sex jokes and cheap innuendo. Syren, it is a big revelation to me since 7 months ago when i found about NPD via google search with keyword "dysfunctional family' that all NPD people are more or less identical in their misbehavior and that as per Sam's writings, that many women are compelled to continue in the marriage due to shared children, lack of income, fear of the unknown etc.

More Twisted Weird Shit: 1. ALWAYS a victim...it was literally the world and everything in it against Frank....the man used to get pissed at cigarette lighters...if the lighter didn't work the first time he tried, there was an highly audible "woe is me" sigh...then he'd get it to light...then he'd light his cigarette and slam that incompetent lighter down on the counter. And God help us all if his cigarette died out before he was done smoking it. Just two examples that jump out...but it was always the eternal struggle for the very survival of western civilization whenever he was presented with an unacceptable inconvenience that most of us wouldn't think twice about. It's like the lighter was "against him". 2. Again, the pissed off reaction if he EVER got syrup on his fingers and never once saw him eat ribs...too messy, people...too messy for the Chosen One. 3. Grandiose bragging about the stupidest shit...to wit: he NEVER got crumbs in the butter...and I do believe he expected a trophy for that lifetime achievement. Such an extraordinary, special and unique little snowflake he was. I'm incredibly flattered that he allowed the likes of my flawed ass into his life to share all of this super specialness of his with.

Talking too much. About himself. Lies. Lies. Lies. His statements "I've been there, done that, better, longer, faster than you or whoever else. Copycat. Nothing original. Taking credit for things I did to other people when I wasn't around. Frequent use of chapstick. What's up with that. All the exes that he was still friends with he bashed. The ones he wasn't in contact with he never said a word about. Bad mouthing of people. There were no good people in his life. More lies about the stupidest shit. Insecurities. I couldn't joke with him or tease him at all. All the porn. He told me once all the girls he dated who liked sex liked his porn. The ones who didn't were prudes. He bragged about masturbating all the time. He said if he was bored he'd jerk off 7 or 8 times a day. The blank walls. Lack of individuality. No hobbies. Yet told me he liked that I had hobbies because all his past girlfriends didn't have any and he had to "entertain" them. Wishy washiness. He could never make up his mind. His most infamous words were "I don't know what I want". We never talked on the phone. Talking to him on the phone was like talking to a rock. Coward like attitude. Never wanted to face any issues. Hid from all problems he caused. Threatened by my male friends. Couldn't wrap his pea head around the idea of a genuine friendship. Isolated me from my family. I haven't spoken to my brothers in over a year and my parents 6 months. Things have been tough for 3 years now. Yet he always pushed me to fix things with my family when he was the problem. Yes, what an asswipe.

and about time I reminded myself of all this crap! 1. He's a drama queen! His life is always a mess! No matter how much someone else suffers, he always suffers more... 2. extremely adept at appearing soft and vulnerable and helpless in order to attract women who want to help him and take care of him 3. always getting emotional and crying over what he did to his ex gf (cheating on her and dumping her)... but still doing it anyway. 4. very extreme feelings of guilt and shame - which result in him either admitting it and crying (if you're still a source)... OR verbally and emotionally attacking you and blaming you for it (if you're not a source) 5. lying and twisting the truth to his convenience... 6. chameleon-like ability to adapt to people. He appears to be interested in all the same things, he will be happy to do whatever you want to do. But in reality he doesn't care and isn't even listening. 7. He makes a great effort to do well at his job and to help people he likes or who are useful to him, but can be very cold and arrogant toward those who have fallen from his grace. 8. will say the most hurtful things and wrongly accuse you, ignore you for a day or two, then be friendly and act like nothing ever happened. 9. hyper-sensitive when it comes to his own feelings but absolutely no compassion or care for the other person's feelings. 10. a huge, but very fragile ego that constantly feels threatened. Very insecure about himself, yet extremely arrogant at times. 11. extremely charming and flirtatious - using physical contact (hugging, playfully grabbing your hand) and long gazes from his pretty eyes to pull in his potential sources. 12. accuses other people of bad-mouthing him, but says very bad things about other people himself.

My exN's 'hallmarks' - withheld sex when he knew I wanted it - could be heartlessly cold with no empathy - only apologized if it served him better to do so - said he was no good at relationships - said he was 'different' than most people - could not take criticism - criticized others often - drove aggressively - controlling in every way - demanded compliance with his 'rules', his way or no way - intense energy but bored and tired easily - changed his mind unexpectedly and frequently - slept a lot - too much IMO - picked fights and withdrew after times of closeness - teased and laughed at me for fun - liked to startle me unexpectedly, thought my reaction was funny - when it was sunny and warm he needed 'space' - when it was cloudy and cold he monopolized my time - spent a lot of time preening, yet always looked exactly the same - couldn't stand to be touched at times and would push me away physically and with derogatory remarks - was absolutely the worst and meanest to me upon first waking (before he could consciously put on his mask) - was often late and kept me waiting for him or his decisions to be made about things - would phone repeatedly if I didn't answer until I did - thought his philosophies were the ONLY ones worth believing, all other religions or beliefs foolish in his eyes - projected upon me his need for control and manipulation by accusing me of trying to control or manipulate him - used silent treatment and abandonment to punish me - withheld information and lied to me (found out later) - was offended if I didn't warm up to him right away after he'd been extremely discounting or cold to me, once he decided to get close again - wanted me to express appreciation for everything he did or would get offended, yet did not offer me the same in return - would sometimes walk a few feet ahead of me instead of with me - would walk away from me when out shopping for instance and I would lose track of where he was, with him expecting me to search the store for him... then say "where WERE you?" - told me he was living a life of 'detachment' because it was the Buddhist way, not because he is incapable of attaching because he is a narc - hated weakness and considers being 'in love' weak - lost interest in endeavors suddenly if not readily successful in them - would talk excitedly of future plans, but not follow through or forget even mentioning them - often denied hearing me say something or conveniently forget - would interrupt me or make jokes when trying to make a serious point in order to derail my thoughts and confuse me Wow, WHAT exactly do I miss?!!! This is just the beginning of the list off the top of my head, I'm sure if I really thought about it there would be much more to add... hmmm

great thread! :=) * all his ex wives were nuts * all ex gf's were nuts and/or stalkers * all women are 'bad' * no one knows as much as him; very know it all-ish * very jealous of any guy getting attention other than him * only compliments people who he knows he can kick around, so like he's throwing out token compliments. if someone is better than him, and he's jealous? they don't get a compliment, no matter how good they are. only people beneath him get compliments. and it's like a father patting his son on the head. very strange. * calls all women he despises...''cunts'' (but you knew that one already, syren from my other thread hee hee) * had to make me look bad all the time after we broke up. * lied and told people he broke up with me * probably lied about his ex's, since he lied about me * has nothing to do with his kids