Sorry, no. If you think about how a HEALTHY man would behave if he had a change of heart, does it look like this? Incessant calls with no message? At best, this is extreme immaturity.
You may consider blocking the number. I know it's hard, but it will make your life easier.
This really struck a chord for me. After so long focusing all my energy on everything concerning ER it's like I have forgotten everything with my husband (who passed away three and a half years ago). He was not a narc and never behaved the way ER does.
But it seems so lost to me now. Like I have lost my husband all over again in that I can't even remember what it was like to be with a non-disordered man. All i can think of is ER and how things are with him, all his manipulations, all of his bullshit, all of domineering ways, all of his cruelty and torment.
But you are right Ally, no normal healthy man would ever behave this way. If he wanted you back he'd leave a message! If he wanted you back he would be doing everything within his power to get you back.
ER is doing nothing of the kind with me right now. Not doing anything at all to make things right between us again. He just wants my money and thinks he is entitled to it. This hurts so much because I am projecting.
in that I went through a divorce with my non-N husband about 3 years ago. We were together almost 10 years. He wasn't always perfect, but we had an equal and respectful marriage, but the love feeling was gone toward the end. We had a wonderful life otherwise, but what I've gone through with exN has overshadowed what was healthy and good. In fact, my exN used my divorce against me, blaming me 100% for it, and saying my exH walked out on me, bc I did the same to him, and he ran out to get the hell away from me, and it was NOTHING like THAT. But it hurt a lot. My exH and I traveled together, had beautiful Christmases, bought homes together, he often called throughout the day, trusted each other 100%, had a beautiful wedding on a bluff overlooking the ocean where he literally cried when he said his vows...and I am trying to remember these things, so that next time, I will hope to top this, and not go backwards.
Hugs and peace to you, Deckard. We deserve it. We really do!
Feeling like you've lost your husband all over again must be a special kind of pain on top of the rest. I'm sorry it feels that way and I'm sorry you are hurting. But you deserve so much more than a man who feel entitled to exploit you for his own gain. Please believe that being on your own is so much better than being with a man who destroys a piece of you every day.
For me, thinking about how a NORMAL guy would behave helped me a bunch. I was pretty far down the rabbit hole, accepting behavior I NEVER would today. I often pictured my brother (whom I love and respect beyond measure) saying or doing the things my ex did, and it was laughable. That was what helped me to clear my perspective. If my brother would shake his head in disgust at what was happening, it's time to run!
Sometimes the healthy relationship we have in our life are a good measuring stick to use.
I think you're forgetting that you don't want him anyway.
Remember how he treated you? Remember the disfunction. He's got major issues (they all do). You want happiness in your life. You deserve it!! Don't fill your life and mind with thoughts of a bad man. That good man is just around the corner! Give the good guy the space and time to show up. Do something nice for yourself.
Those calls are a manipulation.
I was forgetting I don't want him anyway. He treated me horribly and was not a good guy, and I need to clear space for when the good guy comes along, in my life, my heart, my head, and soul. Thank you!
Cali
a healthy man
Deckard thank you. I relate to your situation
deckard
So you would call him to see
Well he actually called about 7-9 times
I think you're forgetting that you don't want him anyway.
lillymarch, you're so right