Will He Be Different for Another Woman?

Will the next woman give into each and every sexual fantasy and whim He did remember my Birthday and christmas - so he is a more thoughtful narc than most I guess But it doesn't really matter to me in the end he isn't going to be a trusted partner to anyone

How I'm certain they won't be different, is...I've been out of the picture...out of his life...for what now, two months? And he's still baiting me. Playing games. Bashing me on his FB page. lol I have done nothing to antagonize this. I have broken NC but to be kind, to extend an olive branch, when I've fallen prey to his fake attempts at niceness. (baiting) So...the next nice person who comes along. He will lure in. And then try to control. And when she doesn't like it...and complains/stands up for herself, he will abuse. And when she dumps him...or he leaves...he will walk on in life telling the world she's nuts, and bashing her on FB. Just remember where you read this. :=P

NeverAgain115, I'm not sure this will help, but here is what my ex-N said to me before I knew he had NPD and he was trying to be "just friends" with me: "I do whatever I need to do to lure them in and then I decide what I want to do with them." NeverAgain115, they don't change. They cut through women like a hot knife through butter. They get bored. They also LOVE to rub previous relationships in our face...love to pretend they are SO happy once you are gone and everything is just peachy...it's all an act. They cannot change long term, they just pretend to get what they want and then revert back to the miserable people that they truly are. P.S. You keep doing wonderful and reach your 100%...he can suck it! He doesn't deserve you ;) Big Hugs, TovaBella

I almost wish you could take him back, get him a vascetomy, and then d and d him. What a disordered individual. He has you reciting his fairy tales about his previous relationships. Stop drinking the Kool-aid. You kissed a frog, turns out it was a frog with NPD. Think of reasons to be grateful that he is gone, shouldn't be hard. Devastated when they left??? Means scared. f'em. And his stories. Out of order. Liars, cheats, and thieves! Another relationship can't fix broken! Stop kissing frogs

He will not be different for any other woman even if it seems like it temporarily from the outside. I'm out a long time now (almost 23 months) and I've seen my exN go from one woman to the next without being any 'different' with any of them (possibly even worse). Like others have said, it is the Cog Dis that causes these thoughts and I think learning how to refuse entertaining these kinds of thoughts is a big part of the fog clearing process we all have to go through as we recover. For me, reading more and more about PDs and staying close to this forum helped me keep those thoughts at bay the most until I was strong enough to shut them out or turn them off in my mind as I trusted my own perception more. Your narc sounds like such a liar too so you can't really trust anything he's ever said such as romanticizing about his two serious relationships when you know from experience one of them couldn't have been that serious. Narcs love to play up a past relationship in order to make us try harder to prove our worthiness to them by putting up with escalating emotional abuse. I wouldn't at all be surprised if you found out he says the same thing to the next woman about his relationship with you. Narcs lie to get their way whenever it suits them to. You are doing so well getting over your ex, don't worry that these thoughts might be based in reality because they aren't - narcs don't change for anyone because they can't. It isn't a decision they can make because they are disordered. The disorder will always take over, even if they think they want to change or 'be better'. Sadly, they lie even to themselves. Stay strong!! (hugs)

I think you answered your own question, perhaps. He has three kids, from three diff women. Hitting on you while he was 'in love' with one of the two top chicks of his life. lol Seriously. These men are clowns. The thing that kills me about these men/women, is they think we are all dumb and naive to their games. Like we don't see them for what they are. Yeah, when it's happening, and we're enamored...sure. We can't see the forest through the trees, but take away the trees...and it's clear as day. They are game players, liars, cheats, manipulators. And yet, I can still feel some empathy for them, as it would suck to go through life so utterly depraved. Void of normal emotions and tenderness. Think about that for a moment. That's the life they create for themselves. Very empty, indeed. My ex had four ex wives, kids he doesn't know and has never known...restraining orders...spent time in jail...I left him. No, I don't think they 'morph' into anyone else. They don't change. They just change partners. ;) Great to hear you are nearly completely recovered...what a ride it's been. You are doing wonderfully, and may you continue to stay strong and narc free!!!

Ok. Given his track record from what you have written here, this guy definately sounds pathological! NO. He will NOT change for the next gal. This is a common thought that we all entertain though. Here's a link to an article that helped me with this thinking......hope it helps you too! Stay strong!!! xoxo, Steph http://saferelationshipsmagazine.com/the-other-woman-now-hes-happy-with-her

This is what a friend of mine observed after the final D&D, after the ex-Psych prof had fathered twins with his girlfriend, then married her. His parents moved across the country to raise his twins;his father sacrificed his job (his girlfriend had done the same) My friend observed, "See. He didn't make any sacrifices for her either." His girlfriend had made MORE sacrifices for him, IMHO... she changed jobs to work down the street from him, she pulled up stakes, financially he went from an apartment to a house... I was just a college student. I didn't give up my job or move to be with him. She had. Of course, there was the speculation that she was as much a Narc as him, and they saw their marriage purely as an arrangement, not a relationship.

Unless he has some great epiphany, he will be exactly the same guy he was with you. Take the narc part out of it- people are set in thier behaviors. He only left to be the man he is. He can't be any other man but what he is. It's a cycle. She will get all that great stuff from him too. Then he will cycle to devalue and discard her too. Stop wasting all your energy focusing in on how he will be and focus on your recovery from him. They don't change. There are no miracles. They are who they are with everyone. She will be right where you are wondering what the he'll just happened.

While I think I'm a nice enough looking woman, the fact is, I am obese, which I've read enough to know some of you ladies look down on..Oh, yes fat! Yeah baby, I am trying to work on it. I hate it, but it is what it is. The new OW makes big bucks compared to my much more modest means. Has a nice expensive home, beautiful land an property...its difficult at times to keep your head and your self-esteem up. Tell me please she has no more chance than I did of making it long-term with this bum than I did! I know he's just using her, I'm sure largely because she's economically well-off. A fact, I'm sure she's proud of. I could use some words of encouragement here, that money, nice home and other things wuill not make a permanent difference. Needless to say they had a bullet train fast whirlwind courtship, first few weeks intense attention paid to her, fast commitment. After three weeks she was ready to move him into her home! He bragged about what she can do for him. Waved her magic wand to make all his troubles disappear! Comfort me please! I really need it.