days I want to go back so the pain goes away

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Apr 5 - 11AM (Reply to #70)
Happy1
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kauaigirl

The anxiety is high today and I'm sticking very close to this board for my own sake. I can survive this day and am thankful for all your support. I don't want a set back for sure!
Apr 5 - 10AM (Reply to #67)
ifinallygotit
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birthdays

I called him last fall to wish him happy birthday and he ignored my call for days and only sent a text later. he was probably with his new GF.
Apr 5 - 10AM (Reply to #68)
Happy1
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ifinallygotit

Yes, I'm sure I would get the same treatment. Why bother hurting ourselves more right. We have big hearts and that's why we have urges to reach out to them on these occassions. It's hard not too but I won't. Thank you!
Apr 5 - 9AM (Reply to #65)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

I'm getting mad at you, Go

I'm getting mad at you, Go ahead Wish him Happy Birthday! Then what? One of two things will happen, silent treatment, or a Hoover! Sounds like a good reason to call! Not! Piss him off, your silent sentence will do the trick! Why have a Black Tuesday over him? Idealk
Apr 5 - 10AM (Reply to #66)
Happy1
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yes... I will and give him

yes... I will and give him the millionth reason to hate me. They are sick headed and I won't say a word. 8-)
Apr 4 - 10PM
ifinallygotit
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Happy1

i broke contact three weeks ago for the same reason only the pain did not go away. The magic does not work anymore once you learn all this stuff. Ex N was even quite nice and said he missed me. i felt no relief or joy after we hung up - just more numbness. He is very distant to me know and feeling that distance is not a happy thing - no fix. I never heard from him after I called him.
Apr 6 - 8PM (Reply to #62)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Finallygotit

I guess we have outgrown our narcs. I know there's no going back. I havecto let it go completely mentally. It's hard to do. I know I am doing better, but still feel the loss.
Apr 5 - 4AM (Reply to #57)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Ifinallygotit

Thank you for sharing this as today is my narcs birthday and I didn't sleep last night at all thinking of how sad this is. I won't contact him today. Im just sad is all. I feel bad. I know what and who he is and yet care. It's the stockholm syndrome.
Apr 5 - 11AM (Reply to #60)
helldweller
helldweller's picture

Happy

Hugs to you today! Mine's birthday is on the 15th. Perfectly coinciding with tax deadline day. Last year I got up at five to make breakfast for him and his foster child. A beautiful tray with french toast, coffee, juice, cards and flowers for the two of them. Took my girls to school and then took him to the lake, where we lay in the grass for three hours. Then, my daughter's school called. She had freaked out in family life class because they were talking about menstruation. She wanted to come home. I apologized and said I had to go. He said it was fine. That night he said he had to work and, strangely, did not get done until 1 am. Whenever he had night court it was for about a half hour at around 7 clock, and even then he could switch it or go in late to do it if he had plans. But he made it clear we could not have dinner. I called him several times to see how it was going and he never answered. just texted back: Still at work. xoxo He was supposed to come over after but came for ten minutes at 1am and said, "No fooling around. I'm too tired." ??????????????????? "Hey, its YOUR birthday, I said. Fine by me." He wanted to go out the next night instead, but I had to give a tour and couldn't find a replacement. He threw a fit, told me I didn't care about him, then brought up the day before, saying I blew him off because of my daughter is so needy, then refused to see me the rest of the weekend. The next day, he moved into "our" new house without us, and that night, as *I* was leaving to go get drunk, I saw him walking with his two brothers and his foster child to the babysitter's house. "Where are you going," I asked. "For a walk," he said. I found out later that she had made him a birthday dinner, for just him , her and his brothers and foster child. I--his girlfriend of three and a half years--wasn't invited. You know why? Because the other woman was. This was going on about about 200 feet from my house, in the backyard. No freaking lie. The narc and his other girlfriend of three years and his family. I will give him this: his balls are the size of New Jersey. This year, I'm going to be toasting him a Happy Fucking Birthday on Bourbon Street in New Orleans!
Apr 5 - 11AM (Reply to #61)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

helldweller

Good for you going to New Orleans! I hope you actually forget it's the 15th and his birthday and that's an even bigger and better present. So hard to keep the bad in my head today. Your story is the truth of what they do to us though. There's never a really truly nice memory. They ruin everything! Have fun in New Orleans!
Apr 5 - 10AM (Reply to #58)
ifinallygotit
ifinallygotit's picture

yes me too Happy1

It is so hard! His birthday was in the middle of the silent treatment after his move when I was not sure if we had broken up or not (thought maybe he was just having adjustment problem in new city and I had already been through two other silent treatments). I made an ass of myself and sent a gift too, which he never acknowledged, even though he kept texting me for another month after. He just kept the gift! I think when we avoid sending greetings on holidays it really strengthens us and shows them that they no longer have control. So I guess we can fake that we don't care until we really don't care. I guess we are just human with bonding to an abusive person but we can undo the brainwash...
Apr 5 - 10AM (Reply to #59)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

ifinallygotit

What a complete jacka-s-s! Of course he wouldn't return a gift. They are users and abusers! They make me sick what they've done to us and the brainwashing. It's so hard to get out of it and rethink everything. You're right though! I need to show him I don't care today. He needs to stay far away from me. I need time to get my head on straight and stop thinking about him. So true!
Apr 4 - 6PM
Arwen
Arwen's picture

Yep we are Narc-otic addicts

my new phrase
Apr 4 - 7PM (Reply to #54)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

patience

Perfect new phrase and it's true! He is my narc-otic!
Apr 4 - 8PM (Reply to #55)
Arwen
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Happy

glad you like it I'm so proud of myself :-)
Apr 4 - 2PM
prettypeeved
prettypeeved's picture

Know that it doesn't last

Know that it doesn't last forever. Eventually you feel a lot less like turning back, and you find yourself thinking about them a lot less. I found if I just kept reminding myself of all the nasty things he said and did, it got me through.
Apr 4 - 2PM (Reply to #48)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

prettypeeved

Thanks! It's hard on these days to remember the bad stuff. I probably need to start journaling again to remind myself. I am stubborn and won't contact him... It's just some days are teary and emotional. I appreciate your support big time! It helps!
Apr 4 - 2PM (Reply to #49)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

What exactly was the good

What exactly was the good stuff? The day you got engaged and you had no conversation! Sounds romantic!
Apr 4 - 2PM (Reply to #50)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Idealk

OMG! Thank you! I don't know how I block these things out of my head!!! That's very true!!! I will try to make a list tongiht when I get home of all the horrible things that have happened. Reasons I hate him! 8-)
Apr 4 - 3PM (Reply to #51)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

How about how nice he was to

How about how nice he was to your son! Should I keep going? Oh and how many times did he cheat on you? I bet you can't wait to call him now? Idealk
Apr 4 - 5PM (Reply to #52)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Idealk

Yes! So true! This is exactly what I need is to be reminded what a horrible man he is. I really need that right now. He's a jerk! I wish I could stop my heart from feeling. I'm going to write tonight. This day sucks! Thanks for this! You're the best!!! Happy
Apr 4 - 11AM
Scoop
Scoop's picture

oh putting youre phone in the

oh putting youre phone in the car made me smile coz i have lost count how many times i have done that . the thing is happy it wouldnt last if you went back .. see we have changed and they havnt , we have spent time building up our esteem so the things he use to say and do before would no way be tolerated , the minute he would say something demeaning you would be down his throat before he even finished the sentance . The only reason we lasted so long with the narc is because we learnt to put up and shut up , could you do that now ?NO WAY would you ... you would have to kill him (humanly of course ... hmm maybe not ... ) The dinamics have changed and you couldnt go back now even if you where faulst to . Its his birthday tomorrow and i recon that is triggering you , it did me last month and god i so nearly broke nc but i got more pleasure in knowing he knew i completely fogot it .. see it makes them feel insignificant and they hate that ... so if it helps ,enjoy not celebrating it , it will be noticed you havnt called him and its just another nail in his coffin .. roll on christmas thats what i say .. i ingnored him then too and will again . High Five sister .. and keep that phone in the car lol xx
Apr 5 - 7AM (Reply to #46)
Smitten Kitten (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I was always down his throat....

and challenging him on things he said. We argued and fought constantly because I wouldn't take his crap. I have always been assertive and extremely opinionated, which is probably why the relationship didn't last longer than a year. He realized I could never be long-term potential because I called him on his shit. Of course this was mainly during the last 6 months when Prince Charming disappeared and I started getting to know the real guy. I suppose I "took it" when I kept believing his intentions and taking him back because I wanted it to work so badly and I loved him so much. That, and I didn't yet know I was dealing with a Narc. I mistakenly believed that if I lived near him as opposed to across the country, things would be different. That the long-distance thing was a big source of our problems. Now I know what he meant when he would say, "You're strong, J______ & B______ (previous victim & new GF) are so vulnerable, but you're strong." And I would think, what are you talking about? I'm weak when it comes to you. If I were strong, I wouldn't keep taking you back.
Apr 4 - 1PM (Reply to #43)
safyre99
safyre99's picture

Hugs coming your way Happy

Hugs to you and I'm sorry you're having a tough day. I completely understand. I couldn't agree more with Scoop... we've all changed and are stronger and the narcs haven't so you wouldn't be happy with your ex if you were to get back with him. You wouldn't put up with his crap and his mistreatment any longer. And, we all have to ask ourselves.. do we even LIKE our narc, as a person? I've asked myself that several times when I've wanted to contact my exN or wish I was still with him... do I even LIKE him and the person that he is? And, the answer for me and I'm sure for most of us on this board is NO! I may have been in love with him and was "addicted" to him, was physically attracted to him and I do still miss him, but I can honestly say I don't like him. He's not a good person. And, that does help me with my NC. We're all here for you Happy! Hugs
Apr 4 - 5PM (Reply to #45)
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

safyre99

your post to Happy,{ and by the Happy hang on, it is just a stage, you ares strong and will get beyond this, it is normal to have these feelings},is so good because we do NOT like these men, I have zero respect for the EXNARC ,he harmed and ruined so many lives from his children to all his ex wives and girlfriends, me including, he is just a USER and ABUSER
Apr 4 - 1PM (Reply to #44)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Thank you safre99

You are 100% right! Isn't it weird that we don't like them and have these cravings to talk to them! It's crazy when I think about it! I don't like him as a person and know he's a user and abuser and miss it. yuck! Thank you so much for your support!!!! Big Hugs to you!
Apr 4 - 12PM (Reply to #40)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Scoop

Your words really hit home...You're so right! I know I would be down his throat in a second if he put me down again or said something out of line. I could no longer sit quietly and accept it as I had in the past. So, as much as I want the drug of my narc, I know it would never ever last and I've changed for the better. Thank you! I needed to hear that. My phone will remain in the car the remainder of the day for my own sake and probably tomorrow too! Thanks Scoop! Happy
Apr 4 - 12PM (Reply to #41)
kgirl
kgirl's picture

Good for you :) continued

Good for you :) continued strength to you...NC..NC..NC!! ~KG
Apr 4 - 12PM (Reply to #42)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

kauaigirl

Thanks! It's you guys that really help me maintain the NC. I don't know what I would do without you guys! Thanks!
Apr 4 - 11AM
Alisa
Alisa's picture

Thinking of you. Stay strong.

Thinking of you. Stay strong. You will be so proud of yourself when you succeed!