great question.....but I think they just aren't letting you know the truth. My N always made her world appear GREAT to all those around her. I've never seen more bullshit on a FB wall! Even when we were together, and I knew different, she would talk to others like everything was fabulous. They want to portray themselves as wonderful and will go to great lengths to hide what doesn't reflect favorably on them.
Stay strong....hugs!
~KG
Even to the point that they will fake getting a sudden phone call from "buddies" they havent seen in years just so they can hurt you and make you feel replaced. It used to make me laugh so damn hard about how there was never anyone on the other end of the phone!
ShaynasMommy...that is funny :)
Narcette would constantly text people when she was spending time with me...and not give any indication of being sensitive to that fact that it was rude of her, no mention ever of who or what it was about. She LOVED having secrets.... it made her feel important and like she had something over me.
Ugh....hate the games they play!!!
It is kinda funny though....so childish :)
~KG
Yes...they will come back if they think they can get ANYHTING out of you. Good attention, bad attention.....they feed off of it all. And.....they have no shame! They'll just forget what you said and act like nothing ever happened.....just like a 2 year old or a dog :)
They'll be back when their other supply runs low. NC is the only way to protect yourself.
Stay strong!
~KG
I was really able to only get rid of my Narc when I said nasty things to HIM (meaning calling him out on his bad behavior when I was super pissed). I had to spend months begging him back (WTH?). Of course when he would say nasty things to me I was just expected to forgive and forget or he would act like nothing happened after his fun rage episodes.
But when i did it completly differint story. I probably would never of heard from him again had I not done a whole lot of begging.
Oh please tell me they don't come back..... I was just his friend and I cared about him and his only son. I went totally NC on 4/20 I let him know we both need to move on. Being nasty is not who I am, however I am a smart woman (with many old teachers) and know very well how to say " (No, Not here and Not today"). I can also do what he use to do to me, just stare at his incoming calls and not pick-up. This sicko was a running buddy with my ex-huband. I know he is out there seeking new women....but he also knows that I know who he truly is now and what he does. To CMA (Cover My A..) I have all his sick emails, text msgs, pictures and even saved a few phone messages. He confided alot to me over three years.
On this Good Friday/Earth Day I just want some peace of mind. I am not a vengeful lady, (Karma) however I want everything he touches to fail in a huge way......I have prayed that he be stopped. Keep the faith my new friends!!!
You could call them every vile name in the book. They come back (if they do) because of supply. It's almost like a crack addict. lol Some addicts do just about anything to get their fix. Same with narcs. When they lose supply...they come back. They usually come back to those they ''think'' might give them supply again, with the right amount of sweet talking.
Or they come back for revenge. It's one of the two. But, calling them names...or not. They come back if they want supply. That's just my two cents.
Hoovering has nothing to do with us. It has to do with them. If they see an advantage to coming back, they will. If they feel you saw through their crap ...they might not be as willing.
This is what happened with me during the last 6 months of our relationship. I called him out on a lot of his crap, told him off, cussed him out and called him names. This was always in response to awful behavior on his part, but he always hoovered me back in. I didn't know that's what was happening at the time.
After the New Years Eve party where he basically ignored me and treated me like a buddy, I called him after he dropped me off at my friend's house where I was staying (drunk at 4:00 in the morning) and left him a voice mail where I went on a tirade about the night's events and told him to "F**k off! And F**k off and die! He had determined and told me days ahead of time that we wouldn't be spending the night together after the party or having sex because we'd be out too late and he'd be "too tired." He didn't even want to spend the night with me to sleep. I ask you: What normal guy doesn't want to have sex with a not just willing, but enthusiastic woman who wants to have sex with them, that they claim to love and claim to have had the best sex with ever, and only get to see occasionally because they're long distance? Oh yeah, Narc assholes who are withholding sex to control you. But I didn't know about that yet. I thought, "he's just not that into me." Now I know it was another way to hurt me, but he was hurting himself too. I remember saying to him on different occasions, that he was cutting off his nose to spite his own face. How true that was in the long run. They are their own worst enemies, ruining every chance they have at happiness by discarding the best thing that ever happened to them.
Anyway, (I diverged a little there). The next day he worked over-time hoovering me back in again! Even after my scathing F**k off voice mail and telling him we were done for good this time. It started with the emails that I ignored, but eventually responded to. Ugh. That should have been the end of it, but that's when I didn't know what I was dealing with and he told me I was everything to him and that he loved me. It had gotten to the point that the only time he told me he loved me was when he was hoovering me back in again. He never told me that at any other time any more (it hurts for me to write that just now).
Four weeks later he did the worst and biggest D & D ever with the old, new GF in his life, posting their renewed relationship all over FB and telling me on the phone how he felt about her, how he never got over the previous GF before me until the new one. Letting me know with that comment that the whole time he was with me he was still hung up on someone else until now that he hooked up with the new one. Talk about making me feel like chopped liver. That's when I realized he never loved me at all because you can't be in love with me and not be over the one before me at the same time, toss me aside overnight and be in love with someone else. Admitting to so many of his lies and telling me about even more that I didn't need to know about at that point. The "nicest, sweetest guy I would ever meet" as he always said, was the most ruthless I'd ever encountered. Emotionally and psychologically ruthless.
first of all great thread and I wish i had had the guts to do what YOU did several years ago BEFORE he Devalued and Discarded ME.Usually when you find 'them out' they may disappear for good,mine did just that and I was really nice to him in a letter,no less, saying why is the relationship all about him and his needs, what about ME?Also what killed him the most was in a letter i said maybe he should revisit his relationship with his mother, that perhaps that played out on all the 5 failed relationships he had with women. If he does come back say something like how did you mother ruin you when you were growing up? I guarantee you will never hear from him again!!!
You just read my post so there is your proof! A month ago I told him the most horrible God awful things you could say to a person. It was all TRUE and I said it! I told him he was a heartless bastard and that he only thought about himself! I told him he was a worthless drunk and a liar and a cheater. I went on and on and on! It was bad! Then today he calls like I never said one horrible thing to him!
They are crazy psychos and they forget things or choose to ignore them if it gets THEM something!
NC NC NC! He will be back. I promise!
STAY STRONG!
Oh, Lord, mine did that after my first 11 weeks of NC over a year ago. I had laid it on the line in texts and phone calls and he came back. This time was brutal, though. He actually claimed that I was "hurting" him with what I was telling him. I cared not. I responded, "Welcome to my world." I would like to hope I gave him sufficient cause to stay away from me forever. Except, I just remembered, one of the last things he said to me was, "What if I would show up at your place with a bubble gum machine and there was a ring in it?" So, perhaps he didn't really hear what I was saying.... Dang.
They never leave. They are on this earth to punish us forever. Im convinced.
The only way to control them, The only way is to delete them 100% from our lives.
When you call them out, tell them the truth that's when they really go ape shit.
They lay low,plot and plan them Wham right in the kisser.
We thought they were our soul mates well That's not far from the truth.
Hunter
I don't expect mine will ever come back
He knows that I know exactly what he is and I told him in no uncertain terms when I dumped him that he will not contact me in any way ever again...
My n is a bit dense and if you are authoritative like that with him, he will just comply and take orders fairly literally....
I am NC in a fairly radical sort of way not so he would have to face a number of human obstructions before he could reach me.
My xn is a big big coward. it's not gonna be worth his while...
oh well, I guess he can live on the memories and pretend regret if he likes.....but he will never get anywhere near me ever again....
Yes, I went off on my narc too after he suggested we could still be friends. Not happening.
I mocked him, taunted him, took money from him, squealed on him to the OW - I threw insults at him, spat at him, I was as cold, cruel and vicious as I knew how to be. That was almost a month ago. I haven't heard a word from him directly.
He did have a public meltdown on his website saying: "I WAS INSANE!" in a public meltdown after which he posted no more anything! Truer words were never spoken about him being insane.
Not only did he give up his website, but he's pretty much disappeared off the map. No communication whatsoever from him. Zippitty Do Dah! Nothing, but he is still with the OW as far as I know.
Should ever expect to hear from him again?
Yes, I went off on my narc too after he suggested we could still be friends. Not happening.
I mocked him, taunted him, took money from him, squealed on him to the OW - I threw insults at him, spat at him, I was as cold, cruel and vicious as I knew how to be. That was almost a month ago. I haven't heard a word from him directly.
He did have a public meltdown on his website saying: "I WAS INSANE!" in a public meltdown after which he posted no more anything! Truer words were never spoken about him being insane.
Not only did he give up his website, but he's pretty much disappeared off the map. No communication whatsoever from him. Zippitty Do Dah! Nothing, but he is still with the OW as far as I know.
should I ever expect to hear form him again?
Mine's in for a big can of whoopass if he "comes back". He's such an egomaniac it'll never happen. I offered to forgive him, but not go back to him--a very clergy like response to a sinner. This would have "offended his dignity" Wow...tough bounce, Prima Donna!
great question.....but I
Yes, great lengths, KG
ShaynasMommy...that is funny
Yes...they will come back if
The one and only time...
Monica
You could call them every
This is what happened with me
Monica
YES YES YES Monica
When they call like nothing happened - Sara Smile
They never leave. They are on
Agreed hunter
Dudette, ours sound alike.
I've wondered that too! I don't expect him back!
I've wondered that too! I don't expect him back!
Come back.