I know I will never see or talk to him again, BUT
I know I will never see or talk to him again, BUT
Now that exN moved, now that I have been NC. Now that I know he was bothered by my blocking him and he knows I mean "business". Now I realize he is not in my future, has no bearing on my life, unless I keep his memory alive. Blah blah...
I have made such an idiot of myself with him. I have never ever acted so desperate, immature, pathetic, untrue to me as I did with exN. I am in my forties, have a full life, have H, kids, family and friends who love me, I have a great paying job, I have many hobbies and interests, attractive, funny,
I know this sounds like a match .com thing, lol, but there is a point here.
I have a very strong desire for days now, to send him a long long email explaining my actions, that I had PTSD because I miscarried his child and how he cheated on me. I want to explain that my actions were normal for being D & D by someone with his " personality". I want to explain his NPD to him. Not in a mean way. I want him to know I know he never cared for me. I want him to know it was never the real him I desired. It was the fake him that is/ was my weakness. I want him to know I know the real him, the one he is trying to hide.
I am having CD, thinking of him with OW. Wondering why he moved...is he running from someone, did he meet OW and moved to be with OW? And if so, I am thinking how much fun they having together. And here's the hard part, he not even giving me a second thought. He NOT thinking of me at all. I mean nothing to him.
When will this go away? I am wasting too much time on a total stranger really. I know more about the school crossing guard than I do my exN. Lol
I also realize, and this is scary, that I envy him. WHAT? I wish I could turn my feelings off. I envy his lifestyle that he is like a gypsy, flitting from person to person, with no responsibility. I am going thru mid life crisis. I don't want to be married anymore. I know I can do it on 'my own. My H stresses me out. He is Nish too. He is good man. But I am tired of cow towing to him. But I have young kids and I could never split from their dad. I justify that my unhappiness is my cross to bear for my deceitful ways. I am making the best of it. My kids are happy. My H thinks I just stressed with work. I have become very good at putting on a smile and acting as if all ok.
So back to me wanting to email him. Tell me why, again. Why I should not? Thanks.
nomorefreakboy
Please don't do it. You've
Journey on...
When will this go away?
My story is almost identical to yours
Hopeful, I love love love
spinning
Spinning, thank you! It feels great
Don't waste your time
Proud of you Nancy!
Journey on...
"After being fed up last
LOL!
Nancy
Goldie's support groups
nomorefreakboy
Thanks
nomorefreakboy
Ok thanks
Where do u buy a voucher??
sickofhim
Thanks Used!!
Don't tell him anything.....
You are doing fantastic
SOH...
They are passive aggressive
Me too
NMFB & SOH
Me too
Me too
Me too
Me too
Me too