Getting some of this out

Someone tried to help me recently by making the comparison to the "spell" and "lack of empathy" of the N to Hitler. The atrocity of what he did; the spell he held over so many people, How? HOW? Did the women who were charmed by Ted Bundy have any clue what was to come? Did the men who willingly followed Dahmer up into his apartment have any twinge of doubt? When you hear the stories afterwards from family, coworkers, neighbors -- it is always such a surprise, a shock...he was such a nice man, always helpful, always charming. And yet, OMG. These are extreme examples but not far off, just more bold. We can't possibly understand the intricacies of the human mind well enough to know what happens at some point (perhaps for some at birth) that disconnects the functioning of empathy. We can only know that they learn a survival skill of mimicking it to get their needs met....like a robot. And damn, they are good. They'd have to be in order to win over folks like us who were more self confident than most and in a lot of cases more spiritually along in our paths. As for retribution....sometimes I simply wish for validation, so others see what I now know...but it's a character building life lesson. I know it is out of my hands and the N will truly win if I sit and let bitterness and disappointment steer me away from a happier life without him. The best retribution is being able to move on as though he never existed, not forgetting the lesson, but forgetting the man. To do that, we have to keep working through the pain. I know for sure if I were given the opportunity (philosophically) knowing what we know now, I would never want to sit down and talk to/understand Hitler, Dahmer or Bundy more. I'd run like Hell, change my number, email and establish No Contact. Hey...that sounds familiar... xoxo

The ex-Psych liked mocking me, especially in public. He'd taunt me in front of my friends, and this is within a teacher/student relationship. But when the senior skit (that traditionally mocks the professors) MOCKED HIM, he got up and RAN OUT. Don't worry, the next day, I gleefully recounted to him the scenes that ridiculed him, with the smarmiest used car salesman grin on my face. I wanted him to taste his own medicine-but I happened to triple the dosage... but it was just an accident... When I realized how to give him purposeful narcissistic injuries, I became like Bruce Lee with them, because his ego was so very fragile. He didn't like being mocked. He didn't like being called by his first name (he took umbrage if his fellow profs did it) He didn't like being condescended to. He didn't like seeing me HAPPY. So I made sure to do the above list with a vengeance. At the time, I was devastated, so it was more out of self-defense. I had gone MC, found out what he was... and then went for his weak spots. I had to make some physical/emotional distance for a better aim at his ego.