My ROCK analogy..........

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#1 May 9 - 7AM

Anonymous (not verified)

My ROCK analogy..........

i spent 17 years with a psychopath.....i learned a little something from it....
i can not say this to everyone here enough....when Barbara SCREAMS at you...'THEY ARE N0T HUMAN'....she is 110% CORRECT!!..some people just can't absorb that...

so..let's try my ROCK analogy.....Narcs and Psychos are ROCKS...try to think of your Narc as a ROCK...
ok... now...

does anyone here WORRY over a fucking ROCK?... let's see a show of hands... anybody?

does anyone here care about whether the ROCK is sorry that it feel on top of you... does anyone expect the ROCK to apologize?... does anyone loose sleep over the ROCK?.. anyone miss the ROCK when it's gone?.. anyone every spend years wondering why the ROCK fell on you?... anyone every FORGIVE the ROCK?... of course not..

well... they are ROCKS..all of them...

PAUL SIMON... well known for being a ROCK...wrote a song about being a ROCK/NARC... called... I AM A ROCK...
he wasn't just whistling dixie, ladies... he's a fucking ROCK... they all are...

read it...but for God's sake... DON'T WEEP...

A winter's day
In a deep and dark December;
I am alone,
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

I've built walls,
A fortress deep and mighty,
That none may penetrate.
I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain.
It's laughter and it's loving I disdain.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

Don't talk of love,
But I've heard the words before;
It's sleeping in my memory.
I won't disturb the slumber of feelings that have died.
If I never loved I never would have cried.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

I have my books
And my poetry to protect me;
I am shielded in my armor,
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb.
I touch no one and no one touches me.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

And a rock feels no pain;
And an island never cries.

#2 May 10 - 7AM

narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)

Susan32...

somehow you completely veered away from the SUBJECT MATTER of this post!!... THEY ARE ROCKS... they don't FEEL ANYTHING... you can ignore them.. rage at them.. bake them a fucking cake... and they DO NOT CARE... i bet that guy doesn't remember you....doesn't even remember your name.....they leave lasting impressions on others... the only thing that might possibly leave an impression on them... is the tracks from a TANK...... they are ROCKS.......

#3 May 11 - 1AM (Reply to #27)

better off

I would agree with you and

I would agree with you and Barbara. He probably doesn't remember you, Susan. Not only are they rocks, they live in a pretend world of their own making. They don't live in the real world at all. This just reminded me of one of the last long convos I had with the N... he had been keeping me at arm's length for some months, but still around, of course. And for some reason, he had decided to grant me an audience (and I was so glad, yuck) and we chatting on IM about some personal things, and he revealed some stuff about seeing a therapist, and so on. And it had been so long since he'd "opened up" to me. Anyway, we had had an emotional affair, that HE pursued, and he did all the usual soulmate stuff, we were born to be together, I had TOTALLY CHANGED his life, this was so cosmically meaningful, blah blah. Then he broke it off because he was "confused" because of the circumstances, and the kids, blah blah. Had to figure out his life first, blah blah. Left me hanging of course... left just enough hope... he just needed to straighten out his life and THEN... ;) So he's talking about the therapist, and how he is working on figuring out his life, and about situations with his supposedly unstable "slut of a wife" he was "trying" to leave (this was a couple years ago and of course he's still married)... and I worked up the courage to ask what the guy thought about our situation (dreading the answer because I figured a therapist would say "end that relationship") and he said to me... I never told him anything about you. It's not relevant. Those three little words..."I love you." "You're my soulmate." "It's not relevant." It's not relevant. You're not relevant. I turned your entire life upside-f**king-down... but you're not relevant to my life. It's like it never even happened. It's true, Susan. They.Don't.Care.About.Anything. You cannot cannot cannot hurt something like that.

#4 May 11 - 1AM (Reply to #28)

Susan32

Reality bites

One can live in a fantasy world for so long. After awhile, there are the DUIs, the interventions, rehab (depending on what sort of celeb you are)... reality has creditors, and they do call. The bills do come up. No rest for the wicked. Narcs don't have consciences, but their bodies won't let them sleep.* The ancient Greeks believed in the Furies,who drove the guilty insane. One could still lack a sense of guilt, but the Furies pursued them anyhow. In Euripides' "Bacchae", Pentheus lacks a conscience and has HUBRIS. He comes to a rather gruesome end at the hands of the Maeneads. He's a narcissist... and his cousin Dionysus makes sure he pays the price. *Read the Scottish Play. Before inspiring her hubby to kill the good king Duncan, Lady Macbeth says she'd GLADLY strangle an infant and dash its brains out. Any surprise she ends up a sleepwalking mess? And she didn't have a conscience in the first place.

#5 May 11 - 8AM (Reply to #39)

narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)

WORD SALAD....please don't serve it up.......

could you PLEASE stick to the subject at hand?.....if we wanted to take a class in LITERATURE...we could..... this isn't about Lady Macbeth..we're not talking about SHAKESPEARE.....we're talking aobut NARCS AND PSYCHOPATHS..... your entire post above meant.......NOTHING..... you said all of that.....and said......NOTHING.... we're all too familiair with that sort of thing here...... i've eaten enough word salad to last me a lifetime......

#6 May 11 - 1AM (Reply to #29)

better off

narcnarc's N lived in his

narcnarc's N lived in his fantasy til he drew his last breath... being orange and sh**ing his bed didn't seem to faze him. Their fantasies ARE THEIR REALITY. Yes, I already know MacBeth. Speaking of reality, stop reading Shakespeare and mythology and start reading books by Hare and by Cleckley. After I read Without Conscience I threw up for two hours. Your analogies to classic literature are ROMANTICIZING these "people." They are cold hard predators WITHOUT feeling. Snakes eat mice. They don't care about mice. Mice can't hurt snakes. They are not extravagant literary figures. They are snakes.

#7 May 11 - 9AM (Reply to #37)

Susan32

It's NOT ROMANTIC

Literature doesn't romanticize Narcs either. Lady Macbeth is a cold-blooded killer. She's NOT a sympathetic character. When her character is sleepwalking to her death, NOBODY is feeling bad for her. She's remorseless and evil. Her lack of remorse is chilling. The same goes for Dorian Gray. Narcissism isn't romanticized in literature. It's shown for what it is---evil and destructive.

#8 May 11 - 1PM (Reply to #38)

Barbara (not verified)

stay in reality

I played Lady Macbeth - she was a sociopath not a Narc and Dorian Gray got away with murder, literally for YEARS, before being discovered... just like many of them... and NN is right, they are romanticized in literature to a point. say here in REALITY with Narcissists like Tiger Woods, Jesse James, Jon Gosselin or Sociopaths like O.J. Simpson or Scott Peterson - much better examples to show you what sort of damage they do ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#9 May 11 - 8AM (Reply to #36)

narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)

AMEN, BETTER OFF!!...AMEN!!

well said.....ALL OF IT..... there is NOTHING romantic about a cold blooded PREDATOR!.. these monsters are not misunderstood...they're not deep and brooding....they're not wounded souls whose hearts have turned to ice, and are in need of the tender mercies of a good woman!!....THEY ARE MONSTERS... i agree Better Off.....instead of Shakespeare, read Hare and Cleckley...or about the atroctities of Ted Bundy.... life with these bastards is not some little way off broadway DRAMA....life with these bastards can become MURDER MYSTERIES...with US in the bit part of the DEAD BODY.... GET A CLUE, SUSAN32......THEY'RE PREDATORS.....

#10 May 11 - 1AM (Reply to #30)

better off

And furthermore, my N does

And furthermore, my N does not walk around wringing his hands over what he's done to me, a sleepless mess. HE DOESN'T CARE. And yours doesn't either!!!! HE DOESN'T CARE. You didn't even acknowledge what I said about my own painful situation, you just told me a bedtime story about the Furies. The Furies aren't real, Susan. Narcissistic predators are. I think you have been unable to face the core truth that lies at emotional rape. They don't care and they never did and there is no justice on this side of death. And there is no more painful realization anyone with a soul can come to.

#11 May 11 - 8AM (Reply to #31)

Barbara (not verified)

Susan32

betteroff's absolutely right... you are over intellectualizing and romanticizing a predator - an ANIMAL. "for so long"? Hell NO - Narcs live in their own fantasies that change constantly 24/7/365. It would seem that you are also in some fantasy land where you can 'hurt' them and they 'actually care.' THEY DO NOT CARE. Do you even read what people say to you? or do you throw up some psychobabble to keep holding on to your nonsense theories about them or parrot back what we say to get us off your back? You're all over the map, Susan. You want advice, yet when people tell you things you aren't comfortable with you throw out enough schizophasia to choke a good shrink. Your continued backpedaling and evasiveness is triggering to all of us. Your minimizing your situations is triggering to all of us. Please stop. Are you in therapy? If not get in ASAP. And read WITHOUT CONSCIENCE and WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS instead of all that mythology & philosophy. And listen and hear what the members here are telling you. About this new guy - you need to start reading http://cyberpaths.blogspot.com and get a copy of HOW TO SPOT A DANGEROUS MAN too! ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#12 May 11 - 8PM (Reply to #34)

wallaby (not verified)

Thank you, Barbara

It is triggering to read such an abundance of posts from someone who does not appear to be absorbing or reading or taking in new information. Living in a fantasy world about who N's are, and not understanding their nature was and is so damaging for those of us who have been victims. Living in reality and understanding their nature is the ONLY road to healing and I , for one, appreciate you consistently reinforcing these things the way you do. I also appreciate you recognizing it could be triggering to experience such an onslaught of misunderstanding and consistent misrepresentation of the truth about N's. And, being a writer myself, I would be the first to say that literary characters are NOT real. They are, by very definition, fictional and only represent their creator's imaginations. In addition, fictional characters are not dissimilar to Rorschach inkblots in that readers project their own emotions, imagination and experiences onto them. They are clothes horses for our own lives - so how you feel about Lady Macbeth is actually very different than what stands out to me etc. That is the power of art. Truly great literary characters are often rendered incomplete and "undiagnosable" so we can fill in the blanks ourselves. While it can be fun to look at literary characters, it seem from these threads, it can also serve as an escape, an avoidance of the truth of N's, and a way to distance people from their true experience or elevate oneself in that many do not know various works of literature or philosophers. This is clearly not a forum for discussion on philosophy, literature and religion - although these things do come up -and are interesting they are secondary and ancillary to the heart of this forum's purpose. Finally, the TRUTH about N's appears a lot LESS complicated than most famous literary figures such has Lady Macbeth. It is stunning how we all here at this forum end up experiencing the SAME creature - who just presents a little differently based on context. His presentation, or who he sells himself as, is a work of fiction. The being behind that fictitious personality is remarkably predicable and malevolent across all of us. Thank you, in short, for stepping in and being protective of all of our states of minds. Many of us are lacking true champions and you are one. I felt much relieved to read this post. (((((hugs)))))

#13 May 11 - 8PM (Reply to #35)

Barbara (not verified)

wallaby

you're welcome ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#14 May 11 - 9AM (Reply to #32)

Susan32

I don't want my ex-N back

For goodness' sake, I DON'T want to reunite with my ex-N. He was a bully. He wasn't normal. He lacked empathy. No way do I want him back in my life... If I were being evasive and backpedaling, I'd be saying it was all my fault (it wasn't) and that my constant apologies were justified (hell no they weren't) He was a bully, and I'm NC. He did not act humanly or humanely.

#15 May 11 - 1PM (Reply to #33)

Barbara (not verified)

you were being evasive & backpedaling

yet you FANTASIZED about "if/ when I see/ run into him" or that somehow God would take care him... or that somehow you actually HURT him when it ended... ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#16 May 9 - 7PM

Barbara (not verified)

i am a ROCK

Paul Simon is definitely narc-y. 'I am a rock' is not something to ASPIRE to. anyone who could write that cruel, heartless "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover" - Narc #1 sent it to me when I called for some accountability 15 years after he abandonment me and didn't even tell me he was going. I'd like to shove the CD somewhere but I'm afraid it might cause him brain damage. ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#17 May 9 - 5PM

Amazed

The Rock,,,,

This is a great analogy NarcNarc,, My exN used to randomly drop hints that make sense with these lyrics. He would make statements while we were working, always out of context, he would just say these things. He used to say "I have a high tolerance to pain" and "I forget things easily" (doesn't learn from his mistakes) He also used to boast about himself,,his favorite saying he would tell people was "I am 220 pounds of twisted steel and sex appeal" ,,people would roll their eyes,,,might sound funny out of context,,,but when you are deeply intimately involved with these "twisted steel" and "inhuman rocks" and they backstab you, threaten your life, screw you behind your back, screw up your children, physically, emotionally, and mentally abuse you, and lie with their every move, it really isn't very funny. I wish I could laugh about it,,,somedays I can, some days I can't. Just coming to peace with it now.

#18 May 9 - 5PM (Reply to #23)

Amazed

Here is another thing he did,,,

Just remembered another thing exN did,,while being "intimate" with him,,he wrapped his hands around my neck,,and began to squeeze,,,he was very very quiet when he did this,,it was late at night,,,he then released,,,thinking back,,I think he was trying to tell me if he wanted to, he could strangle me,,,,or choke me,,,he also used to say "I am bigger than you" alot,,,these guys are scary,,remember these things,,and stay away,,,never cave into the feelings of wanting them again,,,it was all a mask,,,they are something evil inside,,I don't want to be there to find out!!!

#19 May 9 - 10PM (Reply to #24)

broken23

amazed my ex-n pretended to

amazed my ex-n pretended to fake choke me once too! it was so creepy. and i was like what the hell?!? he just laughed. but i just brushed it off. this forum helps me see the light....they are so creepy and similar.

#20 May 9 - 8AM

gullablegull (not verified)

Awesome NarcNarc!

You put that so well! Excellent analogy! Wish we could find a quarry to bury them all in!

#21 May 9 - 9AM (Reply to #2)

The Girlfriend ...

Thanks for the analogy narcnarcwhosthere

They are ROCK's alright. Not in the sense that they are strong...but in the sense that they are inpenetratible, and just hard to wrap your mind around how much destruction they can do. No real emotions, no real worth...nothingness...ROCKS...with as much character and the real ethics of a ...ROCK. They have the heart and soul...of a ROCK ...Wish I could throw my now exBF Psychopath like a ROCK back into the pond he crawled out of...he would sink back to the bottom of the lake like the bottom feeding scum that he IS. Interesting that he cannot actually swim (really!)...he sinks ....further proof what a lowlife ROCK that he is... Forget love - I'd rather fall in chocolate!

#22 May 9 - 2PM (Reply to #3)

Barbara (not verified)

rock

rocks that do NOT rawk absolutely and thanks NN - they are NOT human... anyone who doesn't believe that and keeps trying to humanize them? you're in for a shock ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#23 May 9 - 9PM (Reply to #4)

Susan32

Players deserve to be played!!!

I sent my ex-N a blunt postcard telling him that yes, what he did was wrong. One of my friends said I was pretty heartless in it... but that was the point. N's understand only rage and fear... and I aimed at both of those. I also know that wishing him happiness hurts his "feelings." Well, whatever hurts him, I'll gladly do. Repay the favor. If I go to the Southwest some time to meet some old friends, I'll do these if I perchance run into him- 1)Treat him with the same sarcasm he treated me. If he's plump, I'll get on his case about that fatty cream cheese he puts on his bagel. He got on my case about food. 2)Flaunt my nice body. I am back to my high school weight. Might as well wear that short skirt... if you got it, flaunt it... Hey, he wore tight jeans to flaunt his perfect @$$. He won't see a victim, but someone who would eat his grass-fed beef for lunch.. 3)Brag about all my writing. Well, I've DONE TONS OF WRITING. Then bother him about that Wittgenstein book... of course, I could play the Daddy card (his father has been extensively published, including textbooks)... and ask him how much he's been published... 4)Being condescending. As I said, RETURN THE FAVOR. He's heard my kindergarten teacher voice. If his mental age is 7 (he's 47),I will treat him as such. Narcissistic injuries are still injuries. Make 'em hurt!

#24 May 10 - 12PM (Reply to #21)

wallaby (not verified)

Be careful

My experience with N's is that they truly can't be hurt - ANY reaction is supply for them. I think your whole concept of how you can or can't hurt him is off-base, and that you would be playing with you're own well-being by acting like you suggested.., your "needling" him and doing all the things you are talking about he would read as you still being occupied with him - which you are - and that is the high for them. The simple fact you are going out of your way to hurt him is what would be read by him - they have an uncanny primitive way of knowing when they are under someone's skin as that is their livelihood... The best response is no response. N's turn anything into what they want it to be anyway - they distort reality daily and the outcome of their fantasy is ALWAYS with them ending up on top. NarcNarc's dying orange pscyho told folks that he was on the way up - he was looking towards how great his future was now he decided to give up vodka. Even under these circumstances he thought he was hot shit. Believe me, your N will not feel badly when he sees your nice legs or your quips about his unpublished book - he will see you as trying to show off and to hurt him. He will then do or say something that will hurt you and you will be stinging and obsessed with him and you will be out of his mind completely as I am sure you are now. Don't think for minute he thinks or cares about you - that is all of ours fatal mistakes.

#25 May 9 - 10PM (Reply to #17)

Barbara (not verified)

Susan32

these revenge fantasies of yours are very unhealthy. No Contact is for you and should be absolute. Narcissistic Injuries? the only real N.I. is to expose them to the world for what they truly are. Period. ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#26 May 9 - 10PM (Reply to #18)

Susan32

How can I be unhealthy? I was the victim here!!!

That's why I've stayed away from the Southwest for a good decade... My mind was screwed with... it was emotional/mental rape, as you've said. I was the one hurt here. What's one to do when the man one sees as a potential boyfriend/potential husband throws you aside like garbage??? I was the one who was abused. I am not the narcissist. I was healthier than him. He devastated me. My 3 years of PTSD were terrible. And who knows what he's done to other people...

#27 May 10 - 7AM (Reply to #19)

Barbara (not verified)

Susan32

I didn't say YOU were unhealthy but these delusions that you can actually 'hurt' this Non-Human Predator are not healthy FOR you. besides you say in some posts it was '10 years ago' and you have moved on - yet in this post you are upset about being harmed & emotionally raped... doesn't sound like Moved On to me... ...especially when you keep repeating all the nasty things you did to him; which I am sure had ZERO effect on him at all no matter what he "said" ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#28 May 10 - 9PM (Reply to #20)

Susan32

Emotional triggers

I thought these memories had died. It was some friends down in the Southwest urging me to come back that brought an UNWELCOME comeback... I thought those feelings had died... I haven't had emotional recall like this for a decade. That's why I moved to another place, to another time zone-- I don't want to see him again. And if by accident I were ever to see him, I'd probably not recognize him (hopefully) Maybe he's lost his good looks... that's all he had...

#29 May 9 - 9PM (Reply to #15)

aceonelady

Rage and Fear

I don't think he will see rage and fear in what you are doing or saying....I think he will say...YES i still in her head mind and body.......you will only inflate his cream cheese ego more.....Sorry i said it,but believe me that is how sick they are......NOT NORMAL....

Aceonelady

#30 May 9 - 10PM (Reply to #16)

Susan32

Cream cheese ego--I'm lovin' it!

I'd only do those things if he engaged me in conversation. Otherwise, ignore, ignore, IGNORE. I'd follow social proprieties--but beyond that, well, anything goes. I wouldn't greet him;he'd have to greet me. I want to toy with that fragile little ego of his... from what I've read, those who have NPD have fragile little egos... so I'd play with that toy of glass like an infant in an antique shop unsupervised... And would I even be able to say "hi" if I didn't recognize him in the first place? LOL... "Who are you?" would be a good response.

#31 May 9 - 9PM (Reply to #9)

aceonelady

don't agree

I don't agree with what quietude said....Not responding to them is for you,they Never get hurt,they know you are...if you don't respond or you do respond they know YOU are hurt....So you should NOT respond for YOURSELF....They have played this game their whole lives....

Aceonelady

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