I don't remember mentioning this wasn't for her?? I just expressed how I feel she might handle it in order for HER not to be further hurt by this jerk, not that it's going to HURT him to be ignored, only annoy him...the his greatness is not getting the attention he dearly craves.
As I've said before, I'm not going to the Southwest anytime soon. It's not as if I have the tickets, the $$$ or the vacation time. The ex-N emotionally violated me... it's his time to squeal like a pig!
My ex-N HATED HATED seeing me happy (he'd give his serpent stare), so if by accident I were to see him,I'd be SO DAMN HAPPY there would be no pain.... at least for me. He liked seeing me hurt. Seeing me happy would show what a BIG LOSER he is.
he SAID he was hurt to get a reaction out of you
these guys feel ZERO... they are NOT HUMAN and can NOT feel
~~~~~~~~~
Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals
Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
He counted on my maternal feelings... no more...
It used to be if he said he was hurt, I'd apologize, apologize, apologize. Now if he says he's hurt, I'll laugh gleefully, coldly.
"Oh, poor baby, he's hurt, waaah, waaah, waah"
that's simply not possible
you can only hurt a human
these are NOT HUMANS... he probably doesn't even remember who you are.
~~~~~~~~~
Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals
Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
...rain on your parade (we'd all love to kick our ex's where it counts)...but...
The biggest impact you can make if you run into him is to look right through him, past him, keep going as if he doesn't exist.
Engaging them in war of the words results in:
*the probability of them abusing you further
*giving them the satisfaction of knowing they got to you in ANY way ~ they are thrilled to be getting the attention, and believe it when I tell you they can sense your pain through all of the 'grandstanding'...he will love that he caused THAT kind of pain
*they will always WIN the war of words, they've been doing it all of their lives, they're experts. Engaging them is futile.
Ignoring his presence is the best slap in the face you can give him.
I agree with quietude about looking right through him. ANY reaction - ANY - a narcissist can get is SUPPLY. Yes, it bothers them when we are happy but they are master manipulators and can read us well enough to know if we are merely putting on a show for their benefit. If we go off the premise that narcissists engage in whatever manipulation they do to GET something - any reaction from us will do; good, bad or otherwise. To them, they see it as still being able to have an impact on us. If we do not respond, in the least, they have lost all their power with and over us and in their warped worlds, no reaction means they don't exist which is like death. The best way to get to them is to completely ignore them. Saying that, you may have to pretend (act "as if") until you get to a place where you FEEL that in your heart. And if need be, acting "as if" will carry you until you start internalizing it.
If my world is all about ME, getting what I want, admiration, attention, validation and I think I am the BOMB, and someone ignores me, that would be quite the insult to my cleverly crafted pretend world and I'm thinking that would piss me off more than anything.
Ice Queen
Thanks for getting my meaning...it's taking away their power, and it is something we do for us in order to keep moving forward. I feel how we 'picture' interaction with them says a lot about where we are in our healing journey...
I have friends down in the Southwest, they want to see me... but the painful memories from there are still TOO MUCH. I don't want to see my ex-N. Frankly, it would disgust me. Better for me to ignore him like a piece of junk mail... I was the one cast aside.. as for him, good riddance... I've done well without seeing him for 10 years. Much happier that way.
?
Being happy hurt my ex-N BEFORE the D&D
no feelings
If he said he was hurt, I'd make him hurt more
"If he said he was hurt, I'd make him hurt more"
hate to...
I agree with quietude about
Ice Queen
ice queen
It's been a decade