Thanks Elena, this is the framework of my own story. I was betrayed by a narc, with no real chance of conflict resolution. I didnt know she was a narc, but I knew she was cheating and that we couldnt work anything out as long as she was seeing him. The fact that I was waiting fo rher to come back to me tells you what I really wanted. I had already stopped trusting her, I just wanted to keep the family unit intact for my daughter, to have a semblance of family. I was wrong. My kid and I are doing pretty good now, and I have her half the time.
It wasn't my fault, it was hers. She is weak, I am strong, even though I didn't feel it back then. It couldn't have been worked through in a healthier way because she is disordered. Knowing that makes it so much simpler for me, she is sick in a way that can't be fixed.
Therapy with her would be like going to theraoy with a psychotic parrot, what a waste of time and money that would be, lol.
ds
My exNH loved to tell stories. The more people he could gather around him, the better. They were all about him and some adventure he'd been on. They were amazing and elaborate and full of twists and surprises. Where a normal person sits with his dying grandfather and says goodbye, the Narc has a magical and grand experience that reinforces how wonderful he is.
They are so sick.
For my part, my NPD did a lot of rewriting history after he D&D'ed me - a lot of "I haven't been in love with you for 2 years", or "I wanted to call the wedding off by didn't want to hurt you" or "You've always made me feel unattractive", etc, etc.
He's basically talked himself into never having felt anything for me, and the fact that he can "remove" his feeling so easily, just by rewriting history, is scary to me.
It's exactly right.
Whenever I've confronted him over poor behaviour, it's the same response: "It wasn't like that at all."
I recently went through all the old messages I had from him on a social website. They go back over about 18 months, and remember this isn't base on how I remember it - it's solid fact.
At the start of the relationship I am told how he is this gold-hearted rough-and-ready hero type, into martial arts, various sports, and the occasional brawl at a bar. It's made clear to me that he would protect me no matter what. He's strong, confidence, and tough.
Aside from him abandoning me and treating me so poorly, 2 years later he recently trotted out, on the same website, how when he first went to the gym he was intimidated by all the big strong men, and spent the first couple of years going to majority-female classes so he wouldn't feel threatened.
How do you put those two realities together? Surely they can't BOTH be true?
So, yes, they lie. Not only to you but to themselves.
Of course that is the truth. Lie, cheat, and steal...it's what they do! They admit fault to maniplate, then tangle that all up later to such a point that it makes absolutely no sense. Teflon and mirrors, projection and deflection.
I love nc, because I don't have to listen to the bullshit any longer. It drove me nuts, and kept me playing her game. I am grateful that I don't have to do that to myself anymore!
14 years is a long time, and she was really in my head...like a puzzle that couldn't be solved...until I finally realized that she was just a liar...once I really understood that lies and truth were the same to her I was able to stop caring what she thought...I think if I could have really read her true mind I would've found it easy to move on. They are good at sucking us in, I'll give them that!
ds
WN, those 3 traits sum up a narc. anywhere in the world.
DS, you got deliverance from evil. i am glad you are nc. it is a fortunate escape, a blessing.
i continue to be flabbergasted reading all the posts here...a Narc is beyond our understanding. HOW and WHY do they Lie-Cheat-Steal so incorrigibly...beyond my simple mind's comprehension.. i think they are Mutants.. they are not humans.
Thanks Elena, this is the
So sorry that you went
Respect is not something ER
Those stories!!
For my part, my NPD did a lot
It's exactly right. Whenever
Of course that is the truth.
WN, those 3 traits sum up a