What drives them to repeat their cycle?

38 posts / 0 new

#1 Sep 22 - 2PM

Pride and Shame

What drives them to repeat their cycle?

I'm feeling really TRICKED. DECEIVED. PLAYED WITH.

I don't think there was EVER any desire for a successful long-term relationship on his part at all. EVER. Not even the slightest little bit. His false pretenses and promises and romantic words were just empty, empty, empty. Oh, how romantic he sounded. So confident. So dashing and cavalier.

I think his whole goal was to enjoy me for as long as it worked for him. Once that little slice of honeymoon bliss part was over, he was gone. Poof.

How can he do that and sound so convincing over and over and over? How did I fall for such a pathetic, conniving, insincere fraud?

I've read two theories from the "experts" on their "cycling" of women :

1. they actually convince themselves that they have found THE ONE, the woman of their dreams. In thinking that, they are being genuine in their claims of real love (delusional but genuine). It's only later, when we have the audacity to remind them that we are human and, thus, hurt by their bad behavior (and want to hold them accountable for it), that their fantasy crumbles and they exit. Off to find the next Juliet of their dreams. Foolish romantics. Don Quixotes endlessly chasing a fairytale.

OR -

2. They are completely aware all along that they are playing us . Master manipulating the whole damn relationship. Controlling all the pieces and observing our distress as we struggle to figure them out. Waiting and watching. Dodging our growing understanding by lying, manipulating, gaslighting. This second option is way more insidious, to me. The deliberate preying on a specific target, then plotting and being entertained by their gradual demise. How fun to see how this woman reacts.

My N was just too smart to be a number 1 player. At almost 50, with a successful career and a so polished mask in place, I will not let him off the hook with number 1. He told me he wasn't worthy. He told me I didn't "know him" and when I did I would be scared off. So, he stayed as long as the staying was good. Yay me. I wonder how long I hung in there compared to the others. Once I wasn't shiny and new anymore he left for his next prey.

What about yours? Do you think these two theories are accurate?

#2 Sep 26 - 8AM

Cgrl

You should feel this way

You should feel this way because you were. You were tricked and played with. These feelings alone should tell you how much more you are worth. I think all of us feel this way. There are a multitude of feelings that we all share here and are at all different points of feeling them. My only advice here - ALWAYS REMEMBER HOW YOU FEEL AT THIS MOMENT - it will keep you away from him and just know you are worth more than some guy with a personality disorder. By the way - all those things he tells you "about himself" are to garner sympathy on your part and for you to say...... "oh no honey you are not any of those things, I can fix you!!!" . He is - all those things and more. Dont fall in that trap. Your theories are correct.

#3 Sep 25 - 4PM

agnesmurphy17

Both

I say it's both. But I believe in 2 because they lie about what they do. If I tell somebody else what he did to me--he would deny & act as if I were a crazy liar. This means they are well aware of what they are doing & what they do is wrong. Why lie if they thought they were correct in their activities & doing nothing wrong. And if they know it's wrong that they have to lie about it, why do it? Because they enjoy hurting others! Especially the intimate partner. These guys are so screwed up & pathological, even the mental health profession cannot figure them out. They are the "inverse" of a healthy human being. But they can appear to be "normal." It's too, too creepy.

#4 Sep 25 - 2PM

KeshaN

Well for me i am not sure if

Well for me i am not sure if he really thought I was "The One" or if he was intentionally playing me from the start. In the beginning he acted like he loved me and did a lot for me and I had even found a journal of his and I read it (because he constantly read mines behind my back) and he was saying how he feels I am the one for him. However, I remember after we got married he said "You just don't know what you have gotten yourself into!" with a sneaky smile on his face. I remember it like it was yesterday. At the time I brushed it off as some joke and didn't take it seriously, but in the back of my mind it always seemed weird how he said it. I think about it now and wonder if he knew he was going to put me through hell intentionally. I don't know what to believe of him. It seemed from the beginning he always had a hard time deciding who he was going to be with. There was another woman who really wanted to be with him and he told me about it. He said that she asked him why he wanted to be with me and not her and he told her "Because you just live to far away." I was hurt because I asked myself "Is that the only reason?" "You picked me because I was closer?" I would like to think that if he married me he would have really at some point at least felt like he really loved me or that I was "The One" he told everyone back then that he was madly in love with me. But as soon as we got married his true colors began to show and immediately I fought who he was turning in to. I didn't know him at all and everything I had fell in love with wasn't there anymore.

#5 Sep 26 - 1AM (Reply to #35)

ifinallygotit

sympathies to you

I get the feeling my exN broke up with me only because he moved away and closer supply is so much easier than organizing a visit or going out of your way for someone you "love"

#6 Sep 25 - 12AM

aceonelady

Be my last...

That's what he told me when we were on the Honeymoon fase...we were listening to music together LDR on the pc and he sent me a song from a japanese singer Utada Hikaru...and said be my last...That says enough...HUGE BLOODY RED FLAG...

Aceonelady

#7 Sep 23 - 5PM

juliamarie

I have to go with #1

I truly believe that my Narc thought I was the ONE. I'm not idealizing that....I think in his head, he thought I was the perfect girl. That was until I started asking him to be a man. I started noticing as the mask came off that his behavior was actually very child like. It was kind of creepy really. It was like he couldn't handle anything. When I called him on it, he raged. Then the projection started. The ball of yarn started to unravel bit by bit. I was floored because I couldn't figure it out. I am a very independent person who has been single my entire life. I've had to take care of EVERYTHING by myself, and he wasn't able to accomplish the simplest of tasks at times. I have always had to think through all my decisions thoroughly because I don't have a lot of room for mistakes. He never had to do this because he grew up with so much money that he had a net no matter what stupid, impulsive thing he did. I saw the sick dynamics of his family and realized that his NPD was a product of his childhood. He never emotionally matured past about 10 years old...if that. Grown men don't roll up in fetal position around their small children. He's a child in an adult's body. He throws temper tantrums like a baby. He wasn't like this when we first started dating, but that is really who he is. It's sad, really. I've been really pissed off about how I was deceived, tricked, manipulated. But, I guess I am coming to the point where I just feel sorry for the fact that he will never know love like I will. He will never have a normal relationship with anyone. He is truly, truly a sick person.

#8 Sep 26 - 1PM (Reply to #32)

emtg

juliamarie, It really as if

juliamarie, It really as if I just read something I wrote when reading this post. That is what is both so incredible and eye opening about this site - yet at the same time the predictability of it all and similar stories makes me want to vomit. This is exactly what happened with my N - who I was with for almost two years, and married to for four months now - three of which we have been separated. I truly believe he thought (and thinks) we are perfect together and can have this blissful life. Also idealized me and then devalued and rejected when I exhibited any signs of displeasure with his childlike behavior or lack of adult feelings of responsibility or when I expected him to actually do things for the house or marriage. Now, of course, as I am independent once again and not needing anything from him, he is back to idealizing me. It is so sick. I also saw it before marriage with his family - of course a huge red flag that I ignored.

#9 Sep 23 - 3PM

Caligirl

Pride, I think in my NP's case, it was both

I believe he is co-morbid with a number of varying PDs (he admits he has ADHD), that he is beyond reason and comprehension, even to a skilled psychologist I'm sure. I believe I started out as "The One," but of course, I fell off the pedestal when it was becoming clear I was real and not infallible. I WAS his fantasy, and he only REALLY WANTED to keep me as a fantasy (#1). As time went on and I became real, he evolved to #2 in order to keep me his fantasy. Early on, I was his "angel." Once I moved there, he never texted or said I was his "angel." He would then tell me to "shut my mouth." Any voicing of opinion different from his made me real. It is still all very sad to me, bc I did so much and gave so much of me for him. He took, and took, and took, and in the end, d&d. The fact that it was both is probably just confirmation of how disordered he is.

#10 Sep 23 - 12PM

greengirl91

One day you are The One, the

One day you are The One, the next, you are Nothing! That`s how their heads work. Like a remote!

#11 Sep 22 - 10PM

rosedewittbukater

Pride - 1 or 2

...I have grappled with this too. In my logical mind, I am not sure if it is an "either or". In other words, both could be true somewhat. Maybe what I am trying to say is that it is real (though delusional) to them during the idealization. The mirroring could even be on an unconscious level for them? However, when I go back and forth with this in my head, I recall something from my own experience. Mine made an offhanded comment quite early on during the honeymoon phase. The comment was very ambiguous, and could have been interpreted in two ways. She was referring to my first relationship and said "Jane was the Alpha and I am the Omega". Silly me, at the time I took it to mean that if she was the "Omega" that meant we would be together forever and she would be the last partner I would ever have. Now I question if what she really meant was that she would be the "end of me" so to speak (and again my last partner). I would be ruined after she was done with me. If that's true, then Sun is right and they know EXACTLY what they are doing from day 1. Either way it sucks. Thoughts?

#12 Sep 22 - 10PM (Reply to #24)

Susan32

Mine took it further...

I hear you. The ex-Psych (psychopath) prof would say that one day I'd be indifferent to him, like everyone else. He'd talk about driving people away. He'd say- "One day I'll cut you loose. I've cut lots of people loose." "People think I'm mean." "If you end up with me, you'll die alone, screaming and raving at the walls." "I'm going to break you down." Now, MOST Ns/Ps compare their current partners to real-life previous partners. People who ACTUALLY exist. The ex-P would compare me to fictional characters in "War and Peace"-so it was surreal, since I actually hadn't read it and he was one big SPOILER ALERT. He'd compare me to Princess Lisa, who dies in childbirth because her cerebral Narc husband Prince Andrei emotionally abuses, then abandons her. He'd also compare me to Natasha, who is engaged to Andrei (after Lisa's death), and attempts suicide after the psychopath Anatole toys with her. He was also scared that I'd read "War and Peace." Ns/Ps are masters of ambiguity. They leave everything so open to interpretation. The ex-P would say that I'd abandon him just as younger women rejected his idols, Leo Tolstoy and Arthur Schopenhauer. So it's like he saw the end of the relationship before it began. Plus, as a student, I had a 4 year shelf life. He was afraid I'd leave him after graduation... and yes, that came to pass.

#13 Sep 25 - 4PM (Reply to #27)

agnesmurphy17

Gotta read these books again!

I have read War & Peace about 5 times in my life. Karenina about 7 times. But I think I need to read these texts again post-psychopath. Maybe I can have insights that I missed previously. Everytime I read these books--they happen to me all over again. But Karenina has to be one of the greatest novels ever written -- if not the best.

#14 Sep 25 - 7PM (Reply to #28)

Susan32

Reading "War and Peace" and "Anna Karenina"

I read "Anna Karenina" during the final D&D. Alexei Karenin is the classic cerebral Narc. Now whether Anna Karenina is a Narc as a result of being married to Alexei, or that she was one before the marriage, that's up to interpretation. Reading "Anna Karenina" during the D&D, it was as if the book were speaking to me. There were times when I'd be in tears reading it. Alexei's paternalistic, condescending manner with Anna (since she's young enough to be his daughter), I FELT that. Now, some say Constantine Levin, the philosopher-farmer is the good guy. I doubt it. He idealizes women. He sees Kitty&her sisters as interchangeable (a classic Narc way of looking at partners) He prefers marrying Kitty to a peasant woman because Kitty is a princess... and RICH! When Kitty is sobbing over Constantine, her friend Dolly tells her "He is not worth your tears." WOW. But when I was crying over the ex-Psych prof, I didn't get that line at the time. I was weeping. Another amazing line is after Constantine shows Kitty his diary of sexual conquests before he marries her... Tolstoy says "He did not put himself in her place." Lack of empathy. All too familiar. "War and Peace" is a tearjerker. I've found it cathartic. Prince Andrei Bolkonsky is a cerebral Narc. He's emotionally abusive to his pregnant wife Lisa (proving that pregnancy does make Ns worse, it gives them a greater sense of entitlement) He's willing to sacrifice his father, wife, and sister for fame&glory. When Andrei is introduced to Natasha at her first ball, a woman makes an observation that Andrei treats women badly. Natasha disregards this red flag. Pierre feels ashamed of having sex with his beautiful wife Helene, but has no problem with having sex with his plain wife Natasha, who bears him 4 kids (Madonna/wh*re), is a glutton, and has homoerotic dreams of a fellow Freemason. Marriage transforms Natasha for the worse. She loses her joie de vivre, the sparkle in her eye, she lets herself go&becomes Pierre's slave. Prince Andrei is an unfit father-when his infant son is near death, he's more jealous of his father's success as well as angry that the diplomat Bilbin is mocking him. He reads his young son the story of Bluebeard (who killed his wives) The term Tolstoy uses is "egotism" in "War and Peace." The 19th century term for NPD. Reading "War and Peace" is quite powerful. I feel like I'm getting closure of some sort. It's not receiving remorse or an apology (tho those are nice), it's the peace that comes from understanding.

#15 Sep 22 - 11PM (Reply to #25)

rosedewittbukater

uggh

It's all crazymaking! I can't believe yours compared you to so many fictional characters...yet didn't want you to read the book? They are walking contradictions.

#16 Sep 22 - 11PM (Reply to #26)

Susan32

I've got the book

The ex-Psych prof was SO PARANOID that I was going to read his beloved "War and Peace" that my senior class was assigned "Anna Karenina" instead. Not kidding. It DID cause drama&uproar among the student body. They saw it as a violation of tradition. They were mad that all the classes before them read it. There was division. Some students read it... others didn't. What SHOCKED the ex-P was that I was quite content with "Anna Karenina";I applied it practically to my current situation. I was so blase over the whole drama that the ex-P was the one in major cog diss. I sighed, rolled my eyes, saying, "Besides, 'War and Peace' is full of BORING BATTLES." My utter contentment, bliss... he could NOT get it for the life of him. Rewind back to freshman year 15 years ago. I got a copy of "War and Peace"-the SAME translation as his. Happily, I skipped into the coffee shop. The ex-P was FREAKED. The look on his face was as if I were Medusa and he was petrified. "I can't believe yours compared you to so many fictional characters"-It was a pattern. In my junior year, he compared me to Viola in "Shakespeare in Love." I get green (and therefore environmentally friendly) with ENVY when people speak of being compared to REAL former partners. At least there's grounding in reality. A delusional view of reality, but reality nonetheless. "Didn't want you to read the book"-It's all about CONTROL. I gleefully reminded the ex-P I could read HIS favorite book in my dorm room, in the bookstore, in the library. Delusions of grandeur on his part. BTW-on a recent family vacation, I found my 15 year old copy of "War and Peace" and yes I am reading it. What's odd is that the ex-P got all worked up because I cracked a joke about turning "War and Peace" into a musical. Well, I do have some ideas for the leads (they happen to fit a popular show all about music)- Prince Andrei Bolkonsky- Matthew Morrison Princess Lisa Bolkonsky-Whoever plays the uptight virginal Emma Natasha Rostov- Lea Michele Pierre Bezhukov- Cory Monteith Nicholas Rostov- Chord Overstreet Nastasaya Ivanovna (cross-dressing man on Rostov estate)-Chris Colfer Anna Pavlovna Scherer- Kristin Chenoweth Ivanushka- Jane Lynch Napoleon-Kevin McHale What's odd is I dreamt recently that I was in the ex-P's office, he was trying to work, and his office was oddly the size of an orchestra/chorus room. I was leading a chorus and we were singing... yeah, it's kinda an intrusion on personal space to do musical rehearsal in someone else's office when they're trying to work. I was leading the cast in singing "Napoleon and I" (it was to the tune of "Wizard and I" from WICKED) The singing felt SO REAL and I love singing. The ex-P once said "When you come of age, you will no longer sing" because Natasha stops singing after Anatole toys with her&Pierre marries her. Well, in my dream, EVERYONE was singing, except the ex-P. He got up and RAN OUT. But we kept singing. The show must go on!

#17 Sep 22 - 8PM

Joy2me

Very interesting!

I think my ex husband started off with number 1, then when the honeymoon stage was gone he quickly became number 2. One of the last things he told me before I left him was..."thank you for loving me as long as you did"...I thought it very odd thing to say at the time. I also remember a conversation we had when I discovered his 4th affair! Yes fourth affair! We were arguing about it and I asked him why he had ever asked me to marry him if all he was gonna do was chase other women, his answer to me was he had loved me in his mind?! At the time I thought that answer very odd also. But now, it all makes sense. Joy2me

#18 Sep 22 - 7PM

Done sourcing

Figuring out one or two will

Figuring out one or two will keep me spinning for as long as I want to. I wanted number three...I wake up and everything is ok, I'm happy, and she is cured or living on the moon with no cell or email service back here on terra firma. The number doesn't matter in terms of the healing. Both numbers end with d and d, and us needing to heal from an emotional injury. I am not saying understanding isn't important, just saying that either way they are disordered and we need to separate and get on without them. ds

#19 Sep 22 - 3PM

Sunafterrain

Pride....

I was lucky enough to see how he targets potential women and how he snagged this rich one. When I saw his most recent profile right after he got married (a few months now) his ENTIRE persona had changed, his religious denomination/political affiliation, and he's into "healthy living" LOL! If it weren't so sad, it would be funny. I was raised Catholic and he knew that, and he HATED catholicism, yet took it right up to fit into morph mode with the new wife. The point here is this, I agree with the number 2. Healthy men don't love bomb, lie to you, manipulate you, change their persona to fit yours (mirroring), give you only cryptic information about their pasts and relationships, don't give pity/sob stories...... All of these elements add up to one big fat LIE. Now, when he's doing that in the beginning, telling you how wonderful you are, etc, he's LYING and he KNOWS he is lying. These people know they're being deceitful. And that's just the start of the fun of it for them. The fun is the chase, the challenge, suck you in, then do the bait and switch to see how addicted you are. When the mask slips who is behind it is not what you heard in the beginning, not even close. That's why their relationships don't last, why they cannot maintain hobbies, etc. Another thing to think about, and i mean really think about it: Think about how it would be if you morphed your ENTIRE persona for someone. Mirrored them exactly, tried to stay in a relationship, FAKING it the ENTIRE time...THINK about that. It takes SO MUCH ENERGY for the vampire to keep up the mask, the appearances. They get tired and revert back to who they really are, this is when the DEVALUE starts. Another thing to think about: Manipulation IS ABUSE! From beginning to end, it is abuse. Every sweet and nice thing he said and did was ABUSE....and it was because it wasn't real, it was a lie. It was a SET UP to hurt and abuse you. The intention was to HARM you and watch your REACTION. This is what they do, Pride. This is who they are. The hardest thing to accept is this. I know that to be true for me. I think once we can really wrap our minds around the disorder, we can make room for ourselves and what got us into the relationshit in the first place. BIG HUGS!

#20 Sep 25 - 2PM (Reply to #19)

KeshaN

Omg with this post you helped

Omg with this post you helped me realize so much. When we were together he acted like he was a good person, because he knew i was. Everything that I thought was wrong is what he thought was wrong I really just thought that he was a good person also. I feel I am a good person. Now that we are broken up all of the things he acted like he thought was wrong he is doing and sees nothing wrong with it. Slandering people, etc. He even said this to me "You are a good person but you mistakenly assume that everyone else is a good person too." I didn't even know where that came from at all. We weren't talking about anything like that it just popped out of nowhere. Was he trying to say he wasn't a good person and that I assumed he was? IDK But he was right. I do assume that everyone is a good person at heart and he played me using that. He knew that when he did something wrong I would still think that it was just a mistake and that he is still a good person who just made a mistake...hey nobody's perfect. He was right. That is what i thought for the longest. i gave him the benefit of the doubt and thought that he was just making mistakes. when he raged I still thought he was a good person but that he just had an anger problem and needed help. When he cursed me out I just thought I had hurt his feelings somehow and he didn't know how else to express it. when he did things I sincerely thought that he just didn't realize that it was wrong at the time and just needed guidance. But he was still a good person deep down and he knew this is how i thought. It may have been naive to think so..idk. Because he helped me realize that everyone isn't a good person. He is a pretender. He changed his persona to fit who he thought i was and wanted to be with. He would keep it up for a while and i think he really did want to be a good person but he just can't help that he is who he is...a bad person. So eventually he can't help but to be his self.

#21 Sep 26 - 1PM (Reply to #20)

Pride and Shame

KeshaN

Your comments are true - I kept thinking I would be able to find that goodness in him, even if it were buried... I do (did) believe it is in everyone. I would see glimpses and then it would slip through my hands. I think that was just wishful thinking in my then-foggy stupor - I look at those things and don't see them the same way anymore. They were ambiguous and I was so grasping for any straw at that point. He said to you, "You are a good person but you mistakenly assume that everyone else is a good person too." Yep - he was, unfortunately, telling the truth that time.

#22 Sep 22 - 3PM

fooled no longer

Theres a simple answer one word.

STUPIDITY PATHOLOGICAL STUPIDITY when combined with their entitlement and arrogance its a lethal combination that repeats over and over again. different person - same treatment.

#23 Sep 22 - 3PM

Deidre40

If I could offer you a simple

If I could offer you a simple way to view this, and I think you’ll be able to move forward for good. Basically, narcs/psychopaths USE people. ALL PEOPLE. They use their parents, friends, employers, colleagues, and most often…their spouses/gf’s/bf’s. They use people like they use a toaster. A toaster is used for toasting bread. A human being can have many ‘’uses,’’ however. They can be used for money, sex, adoration, control, emotional reasons, etc etc…But, at the end of the day, they don’t LOVE. They only USE. It all finally clicked for me very recently. It was the final link that helped me move on for good. After seeing how he d&d his recent ex gf…I realized this. He uses women. When they no longer are ‘’user friendly’’ hee hee…they move on. Lol :+] Or they turn abusive to get the supply to conform to what they want/need. Like my ex did. He didn’t dump me, he became emotionally abusive. Head games. Eventually, he would have cheated, if he wasn’t already, for all I know or care about. But, I dumped him…and then, he acted like a pentulent child who’s mommy took away his favorite toy. So. Rinse and repeat. They don’t love. They USE. And to that end of it, they are very aware of what they’re doing. But, because they are disordered, they don’t understand empathy and love. If I want to use my toaster…does that mean I love it? Lol No. Seriously, they think of us as a few notches up from their toaster. We are to be used…as much as they see fit…whenever they like. They do realize that they have to pretend with us to get us to trust. They know we’re not toasters. Lol But, once they lure us in and lock us in…we become nothing more that something for them to use. Hope this helps.

#24 Sep 22 - 3PM (Reply to #14)

Deidre40

just to clarify...they don't

just to clarify...they don't ''repeat cycles.'' they just use people. period. if you were discarded and dumped for another person. think of it this way. you are a car he drove. you served a purpose. he got bored, or you didn't brake as well as you once did...or your shine wasn't as bright as when he 1st bought you. so, he traded you in. if he's driving another new car now? just a matter of time before he trades that in...and so on. no cycle. just a user. it hurts sure. but, now that it's behind me. i can see him for what he is. a total user. he uses alllll of our friends too. whoever makes him look good, he keeps around. his parents jump through his hoops, so i guess he keeps them around. his kids serve no purpose, so he has no reason to ever pick up a phone and call them. see? so. nothing 'makes them tick' or 'repeat cycles.' all they do is use people...and when said person is tired of being used and stands up for himself...it's probably to them, like a toaster revolting. lol ''stop using me this way!'' says the toaster. so the narc throws it away. buys a new toaster. likewise they throw people away...see?

#25 Sep 22 - 10PM (Reply to #15)

rosedewittbukater

I wish my narcs toaster

would talk to her. I wish for it to yell and scream at her. Then maybe it would push her to the edge of insanity (like she did to me) and I would have some peace.

#26 Sep 23 - 12AM (Reply to #16)

Done sourcing

The exwn is nuts, and it

The exwn is nuts, and it brings me no peace, we have a kid and the insanity bleeds over to my kid. What gives me peace is nc, and what keeps it is no response when she emails. I dont answer her calls so she has to email. I have some control this way and I like it. A talking toaster makes me laugh though...and how do we really know that the narcs dont think toasters talk to them anyways! ds

#27 Sep 22 - 3PM

strivingforhealing (not verified)

I think it can be BOTH

My N. has had so many women- and I believe he often (not with every one) thought "She is the one", then they show their human-ness and he finds great fault - says they are not "the one" actually, he made a mistake, and then onto the next one. but since this man is approaching 50, and he has some self awareness- he would drop hints that he fucks up relationships- but he doesn't do anything about it! so then he begins to fall into type #2- feeling "in love" but also seeing the pattern he creates and still causing the wreckage over and over. so he is sick and chooses not to get well. and when he does this- he continues to cause deep lasting pain to so many women.

#28 Sep 22 - 4PM (Reply to #12)

bakingfortherapy

My N is both also...

Striving, my N was both also. He believes he has found his "solace" "love of his life" and "soulmate" but once we didnt work out... I served my purpose, raised his kids, had a realtionship that became too boring , normal, almost too healthy for him ( almost 9 yrs).... Then all the truths he convinced himself--- mine believed his own lies---weren't true anymore... THEN OW was now " his little ray of sunshine" and I'm sure other wonderful things. Bottom line, I served my purpose, outlived my usefulness to him... I truly believed I was " the one" while I was "useful" But... No longer shiny and new and onto the OW... The new "the one".. And I will guess she will become less shiny in time too... Then my N was #2 and cruel and mean and "so confused" Oh, and that scorpio (fitting) will be 49 in a month!! What is it with these 50 yr old men??? Still lost? Never growing up? Oh yeah, They are sick and DISORDERED!!!

#29 Sep 22 - 3PM (Reply to #11)

Deidre40

striving for healing

Lol @ ‘’she’s the one’’ …that’s code for a narc saying…’’that toaster is the one.’’ Haha there is no ‘one,’ for them. They just use…and see who will allow them to use them the most. Whoeever wins that contest? Gets to marry them…oh goodie gum drops! :=P No thanks.

#30 Sep 22 - 3PM

Hunter

I've had 2 Narcs in my life

I've had 2 Narcs in my life !! I believe they live in the moment! Is it calculated?? Who knows, the final result is the same discarded! Hunter

#31 Sep 22 - 5PM (Reply to #9)

bakingfortherapy

Hunter is right again!

So true. They absolutely live in the moment. Mine would tell me ( once the sh*t started) that he didnt "mean" to be hurtful and wasn't "trying" to be cruel... I replied " I know.. You make choices in the moment. No matter the consequences" " THEN the aftermath hurts people" Like he's nit responsible for his own actions?? I asked a friend yesterday if she thought he is happy ... She wisely responded .. " sure, if hes getting what he wants in the moment"

1
2
next
last

Path Forward Buy Now Reviews
All About Her Buy Now Reviews
All About Him Buy Now Reviews