When is the final D&D?

40 posts / 0 new

#1 Jun 1 - 11AM

rainbow1

When is the final D&D?

I have read up on this alot and some people say that it never comes. Others say that it comes once you have unmasked them. He has been unmasked to me many times by other people but he still hangs out with them and I always end up believing his lies. And hes been back many times after saying he never will.

But this time I didnt let him in as easy. I told him I wouldnt be with him unless we went to counseling which he agreed to but it never happened (my fault of course). Also, this time I was the one to unmask him to the OW. And he told me to never talk to him again and block him so that there is no way that we can have contact. He has never asked for this before. And this time I didnt fight him on it and beg for him to still want to talk to me. I simply said OK.

So does that mean that this is it? Can I finally stop looking over my shoulder to see when he will come back around? His pattern is normally after a big blow up where he says he hates me for awhile a month later I will hear from him. What is your experience? After you unmasked him did he go away for good?

#2 Jun 3 - 6PM

Ladydb123

I am Hoping

I think I got my final D&D yesterday at his son's Graduation Ceremony. He delivered an invitation to me but I wasn't home. I attended because I was his friend and had listened and helped him through some difficult situations with his teenage son. Now I know I was (Narc Supply) I decided to go because I refused to give him anymore Power to use me. He saw me and I was looking pretty good. Anyway towards the end of the ceremony he sat down besides me and patted me on the knee. Then said " One down and four more to go, but you won't be with me to see the other's graduate and go on to college". I know he has grandkids and his new lady has 4 grandkids. I felt that I could at least get some pictures, I didn't think he was crazy enough to go off on me in an auditorium full of 100's of people and with all his friends and family there. Oh, I am praying and hoping that this is the end, plus I am tired. I put him on notice and my grow son on notice that it is my time..........

#3 Jun 1 - 3PM

LilithErisRose

Final D&D

In my experience there is no final... I had walk away, move away and go NC. NC is the only thing that stops it. I had to decide when I had enough. I have probably broken NC 3 to 5 times in the last two months or more. Each time I have learned my lesson again, just like a child putting a hand on a hot stove. there is no different result unless you count the devaluation as getting worse. I made a comment the other day to a friend of mine that is familiar with him ruminating that I didn't understand what made him tick... the answer was "You do." Scary stuff but at the same time, it means that I'm in control even if I don't feel like I am. The only thing I see differently than others stories that i read is that my N sticks in devalue and never gets to discard and has a psychotic sense of jealousy over me. He doesn't move on, or even if he does, it's temporary before he's back again trying to 'fix' things and get me to 'meet him halfway'.

#4 Jun 1 - 4PM (Reply to #36)

rainbow1

LilithErisRose

That is how mine has been so far. He will sleep with other girls and make them think he loves them. In the year that we broke up he dated one other girl but he has this sick jealousy over me. If he hears I am talking to someone or if another guy pays attention to me he gets furious. Even when he had the other girlfriend. It is never long before he tries to come back. He has done crazy things to keep guys away from me. But have you ever exposed him to anyone else? Has he ever raged at you and called you horrible names then still been back? Or told you to get out of his life forever?

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#5 Jun 1 - 8PM (Reply to #37)

LilithErisRose

Jealousy

Constantly. He's called me every name in the book. he was the most verbally and emotionally abusive man I have ever met in my life. Yet, he'll insist he loves and misses me like he forgets. He hallucinates that he hears my name when people are discussing others. He "saw" me the other day out with a mutual friend when it was actually that friend's girlfriend. I've been accused of all sorts of crazy crap. He's jealous and a control freak. It's like he wants to prove to himself that I am all these crazy things he projects onto me. Because I moved off his radar, he can't figure out what I'm doing so he sets "information" traps amongst our mutual guy friends. He'll tell them a rumor and see if it gets back to me. It's like living in junior high. I don't know if he will do it once he gets another girlfriend. I've known him for 20 years. I just never KNEW him until I dated him. He was always charming and charismatic. The jealousy was insane. I was always on eggshells because it wasn't normal the things that would freak him out. It's like I played Madonna and Whore on any given day.

#6 Jun 1 - 9PM (Reply to #38)

rainbow1

LilithErisRose

This is my exact life! Even when he has another girlfriend I am still getting yelled at! He punched his friend this weekend just for walking next to me when he ran into us. He has started rumors about me. He always thinks I am sleeping with his friends. I was told (I have him blocked) that he called one of our mutual friends out on Facebook for talking to me and tried to fight him. He's hit two guy friends for dancing with me even after we broke up and he happened to be at the same bar. And he will tell every guy he knows that they will get hit if they talk to me. He also told every guy that I am crazy and to not try to date me because I am a different person in a relationship. I feel like I am always in junior high too. Even when I changed my number he had it within 10 hours! Its exhausting!

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#7 Jun 1 - 12PM

girlsinger

exactly

yes after I unmasked him he went away for good that is EXACTLY what happened no food no supply no narc be blessed k

#8 Jun 1 - 12PM (Reply to #34)

Sparrow

I unmasked mine this weekend.

I unmasked mine this weekend. It was liberating...........not at first though, at first I was scared of retaliation from him since I have been told they can become extremely agitated. As luck would have it, he lives far enough away. I am so glad I educated myself on the type of PD..........it saved my life I believe!

#9 Jun 1 - 11AM

Hunter

They go away when you stop

They go away when you stop the BS. Sounds like u r going back and forth! NC means NC. Hunter

#10 Jun 1 - 11AM (Reply to #10)

Used

HUNTER

mine doesnt, 19mnths down the line he is still trying to get back..... i havent spoken to him, argued with him aknowledge him or looked at him in all that time and he is still trying...and i have kept the door firmly shut and lock since the day i dropped him...

#11 Jun 1 - 12PM (Reply to #11)

Hunter

Used

Yes, but have tossed him off and moved past the BS! We need to find your guy some new supply to get him gone for good! How about a Goat? Hunter

#12 Jun 2 - 11AM (Reply to #32)

Lobo555

How about a goat?

LOVE that! Thanks for the laugh, Hunter! :):):) To Do List: Laundry Pay rent Get narc a goat

#13 Jun 1 - 12PM (Reply to #30)

Used

hunter ?

Yes, but have tossed him off and moved past the BS!.....what does this mean?

#14 Jun 1 - 1PM (Reply to #31)

Hunter

Just because he's around you

Just because he's around you don't allow him to be part of your life! You've moved on. Good job! Hunter

#15 Jun 1 - 12PM (Reply to #12)

Used

hunter

oh he has supply, she came to the places i go 3times last week, i was with a pal and said whats that all about[it way the ow who came to me 2 1/2 years ago to tell me they were in a relationship, i then decieded to drop him but from a very great height, which i done]anyway my pal said she is looking for you to see if you are with him.....here is the punch line, she looks a shadow of the women i met, she was shuffling she is 9years younger than me, she looked so medicated up and the whites of her eyes are yellow.... i couldnt write about this last week b/c it depressed me so much, oh and her sister looked at me with such hatred... i didnt even know they were still together... i see him all the time, where as her, thats first time in 2 half years... i am glad i have told this now , it so depressed me what she looked like...she wasent acting like the women who came and told me they were in a relationship, which he denied btw whilst throwing her car keys up in the air to her convertable...i know i have gone on but what a relief to get it out.

#16 Jun 1 - 12PM (Reply to #13)

Hunter

Used

Ok you win this weeks narc award! I get it. He's telling her you still exisit in his life to take the poor thing a low as she can go! Therefor he doesnt go away and she hates you! Trianglation! Another Wierd Ass! I'm glad you are strong that woman could be you! Sound right? Hunter

#17 Jun 1 - 12PM (Reply to #14)

Used

hunter

what you think he tells her he still see,s me..... no we 3 live in a small town and all know the same people... every one knows i do not have anything to do with him any more and they would tell her.... plus why was she looking for me ? to see if i was with him then... cos if he aint with her, and he aint with me..this began about 3weeks ago where ever i was he appreared and stands there sneering this happened 4 days on the trot, on the 5day i was at home and my friend phoned and said if you are coming out stay away from this place... he is outside pacing up and down and he is on a mission.....day 6 he dissappeared for a week....he came back yesterday.....i dont know if he is still with her i only know she looks terrible...so maybe he isnt with her and thats why she is looking for me...he wouldnt tell her i am seeing him in case she came and asked me like last time and i told her the truth like i did then...

#18 Jun 1 - 1PM (Reply to #15)

Hunter

Used

Oh good, he's on to new supply, that could be good for you. Poof gone! I guess I feel a bit bad for OW, just a tiny,I guess now you can say " told u so" Hunter

#19 Jun 1 - 1PM (Reply to #16)

Used

not gone

back yesterday, you know i have been sitting here thinking...do i do anything to let him think he is in with a chance?... no i dont, i have even hidden all my friends on f/b cos there is a couple on it he doesnt like...... he said he would never let me go...and as for ow, yes i outed him bigtime and had proof to show her.... he blamed her not me...NICE A....WHAT A MAN.

#20 Jun 2 - 7AM (Reply to #26)

Smitten Kitten (not verified)

USED

I'm thinking he keeps hoovering because he never got sexual supply from you. He never used you up completely, so HE isn't finished yet, even if you are. Because it isn't your choice, don't you know? HE is the one in control (or so he thinks), so it's only over when HE says it's over. He's a stalker. Maybe you need to get a RO. And even if he isn't telling the OW you're still together, doesn't mean he didn't always talk about you and compare her to you and rub you in her face to beat her down and lower her self-esteem. He probably talked or talks about how special you were/are to him and how you were the one for him that got away. This is what mine did with his previous OW that he was sexual with. Always tried to make me feel inferior to her, even after and especially at the big D&D. Still triangulation.

#21 Jun 2 - 7AM (Reply to #27)

Used

SMITTEN KITTEN

you could be right i guess, but he told her[2 1/2 yrs ago], i had got my self a new man, he made him sound like a b/f it isnt he is just a friend...she has seen me with him,my friend i mean....the thing is ,i told her 2 1/2 years ago what he was like, showed her all his texts to me[i still dont know why she even told me about them beign together...b/c as sick as this sounds if i had continued never knowing about her i would probley still be friends with him...i dont think it done their relationship any favors...the hate on his face when he was saying she isnt my ow[then said anyway you had dissappeared..thats familier], but what i am saying is she chose to stay he had already left her once and gone and lived with a women[no i didnt know that either] and she still went back to him again...i wont be....i was a good friend to this lowlife and he set me up for a women to come and say that to me...i wont get over it...

#22 Jun 2 - 8AM (Reply to #28)

Smitten Kitten (not verified)

Triangulation Still

It doesn't matter if he made it sound like you had a BF and was therefore "unavailable" to him. What matters is what he is telling her about how he FEELS about you and what you mean to him. You don't know what he's telling her, but if he talks about you and how wonderful you are, he is hurting her and making her feel insecure and he knows it. This is what they do. This is what mine did not only with the previous lover, but with someone who was just a friend. He would go on and on about all the special, wonderful qualities of the friend, basically making me feel inadequate and insecure about their friendship. She is married too and very religious so there was "no potential" there for anything more. But I know he had a crush on her and would take her down too if he could. Since he can't, she will always be the perfect Madonna high up on her pedestal. They love to have women competing for them, even if they're just friends. They love to use friends to make the lovers jealous and create drama. He told YOU about HER to make you jealous, probably hoping you would "fight" for him knowing there was competition. Maybe you would finally have sex with him. But it backfired and he didn't predict that. These guys are basically stupid too. No ability to predict future possible consequences. The fact that she's still sticking around in spite of you showing her incontrovertible evidence to the facts, and him leaving her for another woman before, just proves that it does no good to warn the other women like we often want to do. Until they're ready to face the reality, they'll keep living in the fantasy. She's still willing to accept whatever crumbs he throws her way, you are not. He has way more respect for you because of it too, but he will keep using her as long as she lets him. Hopefully she wakes up one day soon and finds her way here.

#23 Jun 2 - 8AM (Reply to #29)

Used

SMITTEN KITTEN

YES MAYBE?, BUT HE DIDNT TELL ME ABOUT HIM AND HER SHE DID... THATS WHEN I TOLD HER ABOUT HIM SHOWED HER HIS TEXTS TO ME, NO HE NEVER TOLD ME...HE WENT MAD WHEN HE KNEW SHE HAD TOLD ME HE CAME LOOKING FOR ME CALLED HER A LIAR,BEGGED ME NOT TO FINISH WITH HIM I SAID OK.. I THEN D/D 3 TIMES AND THEN THE 4TH TIME I STUCK TO IT...AND YES HE TALKED ABOUT WOMEN TO ME AS WELL ,NOTHING GOOD MOSTLY HOW THEY WERE ALWAYS AFTER HIS BODY OR OFFERING HIM BJ, BUT AFTER HE FOUND OUT ABOUT MALE FRIEND HE DID START ON ABOUT SEX....VERY GRAPHIC AND VERY PAINFUL SEX, I SAID WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO HURT ME LIKE THAT..HE SAID B/C YOU HAVE TOOK ME FOR AND MADE ME LOOK A CXXT, B/C I WOULDNT GIVE MALE FRIEND UP WHEN HE SAID HE WOULD STOP SEEING OW IF I STOPPED SEEING MY FRIEND I SAID NO I WOULDNT...WHAT A SORRY SAGA IT LOOKS ALL WRITTEN DOWN...DEPRESSING .I THANK GOD I DID NOT GO INTO A RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS PILE OF SHITE....

#24 Jun 1 - 1PM (Reply to #17)

rainbow1

Mine blamed me not her. Does

Mine blamed me not her. Does this mean he will go away? My question still hasn't been answered clearly

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#25 Jun 1 - 1PM (Reply to #18)

Used

BLAME

HE BLAMED HER B/C HE KNEW SHE WOULD STILL STAY WITH HIM.. HE KNEW IF HE BLAMED ME I WOULD DROP HIM[WHICH I DID ANYWAY] I SAID TO HIM WELL EVERYTHING I TOLD HER WAS TRUE ,YOU SHOULD KNOW NARC ,YOU TOLD ME YOURSELF.. I SHOWED HER HIS TEXTS TO ME, HE DID SAY TO HER I HAD SENT THEM TO MY SELF...BUT SHE KNEW I WAS TELLING THE TRUTH AND HE KNEW NOW I KNEW HE HAD AN OW ALL THE TIME WE WERE FRIENDS HE WAS HISTORY AND THATS WHY HE BLAMED HER...SHE WOULD STAY ..I WOULDNT.... GOOD FRIENDS ARE HARD TO FIND, IN ME HE HAD A GOOD LOYAL FRIEND...THATS ALSO WHY HE DIDNT TELL ME ABOUT HER, BUT SHE KNEW ABOUT ME ,I COULD NEVER FIGURE THAT ONE OUT EITHER...HE BEGGED ME ON HIS KNEES, NOT TO GIVE UP ON HIM....TOO BAD TOO SAD.

#26 Jun 2 - 10AM (Reply to #21)

rainbow1

Used

I get what you are saying, but the part that I am confused about is that he doesnt want me to stay. Or so he says now... He told me to block him so that I cant talk to him and that he hates me for telling her. I could get him blaming me if he thought I would stay, but he doesnt want me to. And this time I didnt fight him on it. I normally would beg and plead for a few days, then when that doesnt work I would give him a few days space then beg and plead for his forgiveness or just try to normally talk to him. I have never given in before on the first chance. But this time I am too exhausted so he told me to block him and I did.

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#27 Jun 2 - 10AM (Reply to #22)

Used

rainbow

is your story here i am getting confused....maybe my narc hated me for telling her he just didnt tell me that...

#28 Jun 2 - 10AM (Reply to #23)

rainbow1

used

Yes, my story is on here but it is from over a year ago right when we broke up. Lots has happened in that time! I put up a thread the other day called "I told the OW and I got screamed at!" Maybe that would be more helpful to understand this situation?

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#29 Jun 2 - 11AM (Reply to #25)

Used

rainbow1

i have just read your story, well some of it cos i reconised it....i remember this dickhead well, he doesnt drink..but he drunk for 2 weeks i remember then your story....he is a loser user abuser and a friggen low life...please get him out of your life you will never move on with this total waste of space in your life...you are too good for all this crapxx

#30 Jun 2 - 11AM (Reply to #24)

Used

i know

you put a post on here about that, but i ment were you in a r/s...f/s...or what/ but you know even if you tell me ,the bottom line is[and i am not beign judgemental] why do you have anything to do with any more...ok i have been here ages and it has helped me bigtime....but so has nc as well....ditch him pleasexx

#31 Jun 1 - 4PM (Reply to #19)

Ladydb123

Used

I hope he didn't use me to keep her in line or make her jealous. I was his good and loyal friend and that's all. He and I were mutual friends with 20 others on FB. She had a few mutual female friends with him and now they are gone. I learned early on that he offers money and gives nice gifts to ladies. He offered me money also....He probably dosed her to him with his charming words, gifts, money, etc because she was going through some hardtimes. I believe the only reason why He didn't totally get me suck in is because of my surviving my N exh and two other bad relationships. It's scary because she and I look alot alike. The more I learn about this type of NP the more I understand who he is and what he does. She was the picture of health and attractive, with her own home and a nice car the last time I saw her in person and some pictures on FB. Her last pictures on FB she looked very sad. Her last comment was that she should have never quit her job; before I blocked him as my friend. He told me more than once I was his friend for life or "until death do us part" I don't even want to think about that. I will avoid him but we also live in a close community. Take Care and get Stronger my Friends these are some crazy MF's and will F with your mind until you say No More.

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