When they don't contact you...

39 posts / 0 new

#1 Sep 10 - 11AM

RubyWoo

When they don't contact you...

...is it safe to say it's because they have OW?

It feels like someone's kicking me really hard, I miss him and he doesn't give a rat's arse about me obviously... One week NC and he doesn't even seem to care.

Probably screwing hotter skinnier girls and telling everyone he's so happy that he finally got rid of me.

#2 Sep 13 - 12PM

freaked

my NH has an OW now who is a

my NH has an OW now who is a professional hooker. he is head over heel in love with her...and is fat,ugly,stunted. he has lost his senses. he has even proposed marriage to her and they have been travelling to exotic places together. he picked her up 19 months ago. after this OW he does not even talk to us. his bath time is dictated by a text from her. am i insane/psychotic/imagining??? NO..i have seen proof. but am staying shut up because i wish to be alive to GO when he gives me the order to leave. i am his wife since 20+ years...and this is how it ends.

#3 Sep 13 - 11AM

RubyWoo

Thanks Hunter. I just feel

Thanks Hunter. I just feel horrible being replaced so easily :(

#4 Sep 13 - 12PM (Reply to #37)

lola_azul

Let us agree on this

in order for me to remind myself that I should never see him as normal, incapable of having normal relationships, interactions, conversations, heck a NORMAL LIFE!!!! I do not see the OW as the one who is getting the best of him, she is the OV (other victim) and as such, I know she is the one taking all the abuse that I took for a long time with this person and you better believe that it is a relief!! I feel bad for her and as much as I could care, it better that is her and not me. I did take drastic measures and dug for information. I talked to his ex gf (the one who dumped him before me) and she kindly validated that what I went through was real and that he got physical with her, and how incapable of giving normalcy he was. So please, please, do not feel replaced - change that for saved. You are a thriver, you are out of the insane cycle, she is in it for a sad ride and you are not!!! Hugs to you!!

#5 Sep 13 - 11AM (Reply to #36)

Hunter

Try and remember she is no

Try and remember she is no better than any one if us! We are all objects is the Eyes of a Narc! In a way I feel sorry for her!! Hunter

#6 Sep 11 - 1PM

Hunter

Whatever or who ever the

Whatever or who ever the source is, is No better than you! Hunter

#7 Sep 11 - 1PM

Journey

So sorry for your pain right

So sorry for your pain right now Ruby. Whatever the supply source he has, it is obviously enough for him at the moment - be it just attention he gets out partying with his buddies or hooking up with ow. The fact they can move on so 'easily' is one of the hardest things to reconcile, but try not to worry about what he's doing now or who with, think only about yourself and what you need. Write a list of all the shitty things he's done, all the times he let you down and don't romanticize the past or him. MOST importantly, DO NOT think any less of yourself - you had nothing to do with his leaving, his disorder is what controls him and no ow will get more from him. As a matter of fact, I think the older narcs get, the less they are willing to give in order to keep up a pretense of caring and unless the ow has much he can take by being with her (money, connections, status), the mask drops sooner with each successive 'non-relationship'. (hugs)

Journey on...

#8 Sep 13 - 11AM (Reply to #33)

RubyWoo

Thanks Journey... I guess I

Thanks Journey... I guess I wasn't expecting for him to dissapear just like that and be so happy about it. And of course I keep thinking he must be having so much fun with OW that he doesn't even remember what we had. I'm really in a lot of pain. I'm trying to be strong, one week NC tomorrow but with all of this and my dad's death I don't know how much longer I can push through before I fall apart...

#9 Sep 11 - 11AM

ordinarycourage

Hotter skinnier Unhappier Girls

My ExN had an OW while we were still married and is still with her 8 years later. No marriage, mind you. She has changed her hair color from brunette to blonde and now wears blue contacts over her brown eyes. She also diets constantly. Sound happy to you?

#10 Sep 11 - 1PM (Reply to #31)

ifinallygotit

umm...OW

Mine dated a bar hoe after moving away for a job after 10 plus yr relationship. She went from 80's teased bleach blonde hair with black skunk stripe to lip injections to actually cutting her big nose off, to golden brown hair, to flat unteased brown hair like me - all in 6 months - I wonder if she saw a pic of me - her FB is always mini dress in bars with legs open holding a drink - nice huh? she is not pretty in her 40's and looks desperate for attention...her eyes look kind though and hope he was not too cruel - he told me in June he has no GF and does not want one I think the rough bar ladies can recover from screwing a celeb for a few months and getting tossed alot easier than me - the fool who took him seriously

#11 Sep 11 - 12PM (Reply to #30)

RubyWoo

I know, I know... but after

I know, I know... but after so many years it still feels like a slap in the face that he's already moved on so quickly and probably sleeping around even before we broke up for good. I'm so hurt :(

#12 Sep 11 - 5AM

Scoop

It hurts so bad , i know . If

It hurts so bad , i know . If you read back to what you wrote you more or less answered the question . The one thing i learnt about a psychopath is never compair youreself and judge yourself to his warped expectations . Say he did have a skinny OW you can bet your butt that in a few months time he will be telling her that she is too skinny and he like women with curves "just like ruby had " just to keep the OW off balence , its all a game to them , a game of supression and controle . My narc use to say he preferred woman with brown hair , i have blond but i know for a fact that if the OW had brown hair he would tell her he likes red heads . One week NC and doing well Ruby , hang on in there it gets easyer .. Scoop xx

#13 Sep 11 - 8AM (Reply to #26)

Totally Stunned

Scoop - you are SO RIGHT!

Scoop - you are SO RIGHT! My narc used to tell me how he loved women who were skinny and hated overweight women. Then, after one encounter, he told me I was "too skinny" and that I had an eating problem, which I didnt. A month later, he was with a woman who was overweight. Very overweight from his definition, I have no idea, just have to believe him. He said he wasnt "into her" but still wanted to show her a good time. He wants women to tell him how amazing and great he is in bed, and then tell their friends, so he gets offers from other women. Narcs are an equal opportunity womanizing liar. They will mess with any woman's head, play mind games... Yuck

#14 Sep 13 - 1PM (Reply to #28)

Pride and Shame

Equally Opportunity Womanizing Liar

I love this. I am going to picture this caption on his head shot. So true.

#15 Sep 11 - 10AM (Reply to #27)

Sunafterrain

Mine said the same thing...

When he was targeting women for money, the first target was very overweight. When I was suspicious about his intentions with her, he said, "You know I don't do fat chick babe". Next week he was on a plane to fly over a couple of states to woo her with three nights of dates. If she had fallen for his shit, he would have had no problem having sex with her. This was such a big aha! moment for me, in realizing they'd screw anything and it didn't matter what she looked like, as long as she had money. His ex wife was for the cover of normalcy. It really doesn't matter to them and we take these things they say so personally, it's just another way for him to HURT you, when it doesn't mean anything at all, just like the good stuff he said didn't.

#16 Sep 11 - 4AM

aceonelady

Ruby WOO....AGAIN

Mine ex N told me he could f***k anything even a hole in the wall...and that's better he said because it doesn't talk back...But he couldn't have sex with me...and i do believe he was talking the true...he masturbated on Porn a lot and i suspect on a very nasty type of porn...and he told me he maybe gay...then said,no i just said that so you get the f***k away from me....See...we will never know...After the D &D I WISH I HAD NEVER CONTACTED HIM AGAIN...SO I AM NC...he won't comunicate with me in an open way anyway...would only be mind F*****S FOR ME...AND I AM IN PRETTY BAD SHAPE AS I AM ALREDY...hughs

Aceonelady

#17 Sep 11 - 4AM (Reply to #24)

Anabelle

aceonlady woowww

"because it doesn't talk back" NICE!!! What a d...head...

#18 Sep 11 - 3AM

destiny (not verified)

he probably does...but she

he probably does...but she will end up just like you....trust me... this is coming from an OW.... we are treated no differently. my N has a backup girl..and I am sure has yet another OW... it is tough at first when they dont contact. the one Nxbf has never contacted me after almost two years now... I know the OW right after me is no longer with him... it really hurt at first when he didnt contact me but then eventually I was thankful that he didnt because it allowed me to heal and move on.

#19 Sep 11 - 1AM

KeshaN

True

This is probably true. He probably does have another supply maybe more then one. But don't get down on yourself. You have to accept the fact they wouldn't miss anyone. They only miss supply and since he may be getting some supply else where. i believe if he is truly a Narc it is a fact that he is with some other woman or at least sleeping around with lots of women. Remember, they are not normal human beings. They don't love anyone or miss anyone. They only miss the attention they get and if they are getting attention elsewhere well then that will do. The other woman is nothing to worry about. He only is using her too and I feel bad for her as well. It sounds like you have still not come to terms with who he really is...and that is a Narc or you would understand why he has not contacted you. You would be happy he hasn't contacted you. It sounds like you want him to contact you...why? Is it to feel like he loves you, to feel like he misses you and is sorry, or for revenge purposes. Remember, if he comes back he only is coming back for one thing and that is supply. He is using you. More then likely he will come back when he has no where else to get some supply...is this how you want to be used?

#20 Sep 11 - 8AM (Reply to #21)

Totally Stunned

KeshaN: All of what you said

KeshaN: All of what you said is so true, thanks for the reminder...at least from me. This is the truest of all: Remember, if he comes back he only is coming back for one thing and that is supply. He is using you. More then likely he will come back when he has no where else to get some supply...is this how you want to be used? My Narc left me for 6 weeks, then came back because he wanted help from me (now I know it was just a ploy) but then came the "I miss you, want you, love you, think about you..." bullshit. I believed it all, actually gave him another chance. Once we were "together" for the last time, he left. Never heard from him again. Ever. He ONLY used me for supply, for attention, for sex. I want SO SO SO much for my ex to contact me again, and it has been 6 weeks. Nothing. But when you put it this way "IS this how you want to be used?".... NO WAY. Thanks!!!

#21 Sep 11 - 1AM

rosedewittbukater

RubyW

You are an awesome lady! This jerk does not deserve you! Does he have OW? I am not going to lie to you, we both know they cannot be alone! Because they are empty shells inside and cannot feel real love or any emotion besides fear and rage! Please do not go down this road of imagining what he is doing with NS or OW. Being home on a Saturday nite watching TV does not a loser make. One week is not very long. It is still raw. Please don't get down on yourself. xx, Rose

#22 Sep 11 - 1AM

rosedewittbukater

RubyW

#23 Sep 11 - 12AM

aceonelady

Well Ruby Woo

I can only tell you this...mine sent me a crazy email yesterday saying he was just working,sleeping and paying bills...he also said he don't do well in relationships...but i also have to say that he had not contacted me for 2 years...since 2 months of so hestarted for the first time to apologize,and sent bme an email address because he said he terminated his internet services because he didn't use it anymore -it takes away his peace and quiet....sent me 3 spoken poems,very crippy telling how his life is messed up...he sees himself as a ragged doll on a strings with mouth propped and grinding feet...,unsettled and pushed and pulled...that really made me feel sorry for him...again.then he sent me again an email saying he noticed i wasn't sending him any emails...i am NC...but i will tell you this...when he didn't contacted me i was devasted...now i am sadder ,and again as always prety confused...he says things but is just that...he do not state why he did contact me,so is again more fog and mistery for me...no is a lose lose situation for us if they contact us or don't is all mind games and crazy making stuff...is up to us to stop the bullshit stream that they keep sending to us.Now i REALIZE and REALLY SEE that is real a disease...HUGHS

Aceonelady

#24 Sep 10 - 4PM

Happy1

I think that's pretty safe to

I think that's pretty safe to say. I know mine has new supply now. ACtually, old supply that he had while he was always breaking up with me, so he is in now way shape or form contacting me. It's okay, because you have to know that they only get worse, not better. This was the hardest part for me when I found out what he really was last year. I didn't want to let go of my narc because I didn't want to imagine him with someone else. Now, I realize that whatever he gives to someone else will be the same and probably worse than what I got. That's pretty bad and pretty empty. Remember that and try to read and focus on you as much as possible. Actions speak louder than words!

#25 Sep 10 - 12PM

Sunafterrain

Ruby

He'll screw anything. doesn't matter what they look like. OW? Welp, she'll have the same outcome you did. YOU miss him, YOU feel hurt, but you're right, he doesn't give a rats ass because he CAN'T. It's not in his emotional repetoire. He doesn't give a rats ass about a potential OW either. Remember, don't project your normal feelings onto him as if he feels them, or would, or should, and that the reason he doesn't has anything to do with you. It doesn't, Ruby. He will do this to anyone and everyone in his life.

#26 Sep 10 - 3PM (Reply to #12)

RubyWoo

I know... it still hurts so

I know... it still hurts so bad though, makes me feel so unsexy and just worthless. I am a nice girl, why couldn't he stay with me when I love him so much and would do anything for him? He's having so much fun and I'm sitting here alone on a Sat night watching MTV. I can't help feeling like the dumped loser.

#27 Sep 10 - 11PM (Reply to #14)

Sunafterrain

Ruby

He's having so much fun.............ohhhhhhh, this is probably true. Why IS he having so much "fun"? Because he has no conscience. Because he is DEAD inside. Fun for him is picking out which one he might dupe next or taking the next dupe out. Just like he did to you, just like he will KEEP doing. Most have new supply, most cannot bear being alone with themselves, that's how dead and empty they are. They get their "fill" (which is never possible) through the destruction of others. I'd rather sit at home and watch MTV, honey. You can feel He cannot. His life patterns with you or anyone else will play out over and over and over like a really bad B movie. You're not the loser, he is, and when you heal, you'll see that.

#28 Sep 13 - 11AM (Reply to #15)

RubyWoo

Thanks Sun, I will try to

Thanks Sun, I will try to re-read this when I get down. Right now I'm in deep deep pain just feeling replaced like I never meant anything to him...

#29 Sep 10 - 4PM (Reply to #13)

monilove

You know what..

I have no doubt you are a wonderful girl.. . Therefore, you will find someone better and more deserving of you. Maybe there is not another woman!? Often we conjour up scenarios in our minds that don't exist or that are not happening. He is probably sitting at home watching MMA or some other Neanderthal sporting event. He's probably trying to hurt you, make you sweat and drive you crazy. Dont give him the satisfaction. You're not a loser, although I know how you feel as I have certainly felt that way also. It is ONLY a feeling! It is not reality... If your relationship is really over, you should not worry who he is with. I know it's hard, but in order for you to move on you must let go of these thoughts. Think about yourself and the next wonderful man that will enter your life once this one is gone. There is life after a Narc but you must be ready to embrace your new life without him. It sounds like you really still love him, but don't compromise your self esteem and dignity by welcoming him back with open arms. Either he must learn to treat you well or you need to let him go. If he is not contacting you, then that tells you alot right there. It tells me that he doesn't deseve your love. NC is an extremely difficult and painful process but please work at it and just know you are not alone. There are thousands of us going through the same thing. We are all here to support you. Remember you are none of those things you are feeling right now. You can get through this. I wish you the best and please check in often, so we know you're doing okay. Hugs Monique

#30 Sep 10 - 12PM

Unfreakinreal

Mine cannot be alone. Faced

Mine cannot be alone. Faced with 3 hours of time by himself, he goes insane and does anything to avoid it. I know he dates other women because he feels it necessary to tell me about them, how they were hollow or just didn't compare to me blah blah blah... They are disordered and I personally am just trying to understand his disorder so I can remove myself from him and it as quickly as possible. He is not going to change but I will. Because I can.

#31 Sep 10 - 11AM

dazedandcnonfused

Who knows the answer to these

Who knows the answer to these questions??? But I realize for me personally I cant control what he does or the decisions he makes. Most likely he is not contacting you to punish you. That is always why I get ignored.

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