this mother thing

If I'm reading it right you are questioning the "mother issues" and how it pertains to the "unofficial" diagnosis of a narc. It can be an either/or scenario... It can be an over doting mother that forms the child into believing he craps gold and deserves it all and is entitled to it which is what feeds that grandiose self centered selfish behavior because, they were trained to expect it and the mother modeled doormat behavior and so this is what he expects women to be... OR they were abused and had a narcissistic or pd father with a very passive mother who didn't necessarily protect them so they end up taking on the traits of dad or because of the trauma of abuse develop a pd - and in this case, there is evidence of actual biological brain changes as a result of the trauma from abuse... OR they have mothers that nurtured that whole oedipal syndrome and so they love and hate women because of the inappropriate sexual undertones in the mother son relationship...hence the mandonna/whore syndrome and of course a ton of other theories...so it's not just mother issues in the broad sense...it's mother issues on a lot of different levels that is believed to possibly *THEORY* contribute to this illness... SO on the surface, mom could be great...but again with life comes wisdom and like I'm strong pointed out, you really don't know the dynamics of his childhood to really be able to tell what is what. BUT like Goldie said, and worth repeating...if you landed here, you have a pretty strong suspicion SOMETHING is not right...but from what you describe...and I think our guts are generally in tune with the reality...you mentioned borderline...might just be. Keep reading eventually you'll land on something that clicks for you. It's all a process and recovering from abuse at the hands/action of a PDI no matter which one...same damage...

Just keep in mind once you share your story..which you have..where going to comment..you havent shared the full story so we can only comment on what we know..to say we dont know the full story and are commenting is exactly true and not our fault..im just giving you advice I would give my closest friend..you asked a question about narc mother...we gave you the answer now if your still in doubt..that may be a issue only resolved by you..hugs xx

I don't know the whole story, but maybe he's borderline with high narc tendencies? Have you looked into borderline? Hugs!

One more question as goldie pointed out..hows do you know anythng substantial to his narcissim and his mother were you there for his most crucial years of damage age 5 throgh 7? ..we must keep a open mind that we are not psycotherapist who can determine every thing about narc..theres alot you dont know and could be missing..we are part of the problem and equation not all

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My first question to you would be: what made you think he was a Narc in the first place? What were his behaviors which led you to the board? I would imagine there must have been traits which fit at some point. The board does cover all NP's which as we have learned: most NP's have Narc features, which does not necessarily make them a full blown Narc. He may very well have another PD, which would explain the lack of some of the traits. Honestly, all the Narcs I have analyzed have had some mother issues. The damage is done before the age of 7 and often if you don't know what his early childhood was like it is hard to say. PD's show signs of disturbance as children. Sometimes very early on and for others you see the traits when they are teens or young adults. This is not a disorder which pops up out of the blue in their late 20's. Some may be better at hiding it than others, which can make it difficult to diagnois. There is also the rare bird who is simply selfish to the core and no one appears to be able to make the connection as to what caused this behavior. You know what I mean, when someone comes from a nice family and all the other siblings are great, yet for some reason one of them is not and no one knows why. It just is. The other thing is that for many of us as we grow in our recovery sometimes we begin to question whether or not they really are disordered because we forget some of what they did. Then the act out again and we are like: oh yes, now I remember why I cannot be with this person. You may never know for sure and as you say, you are learning to keep your bounderies up and take care of your needs. The bottom line is that they can suck you back in on a dime and you need to be very careful when you maintain a relationship with a PD, if this is what he has because they are master manipulators and can screw with your life when you least expect it. God bless, Goldie

wonderful book you might want to read, When he is Married to Mom, I could write my own book about how his m other smothered and doted on him, the exact words his own brother used to tell me and she was a narc herself from what I gather,never let the toddler separate from her apron strings and his father was an absent type of father from what narc use to tell me.It is crucial for a little boy to make the 'break', from mommy,l around age of 5 years old, from all that I have read and I have read aLOT these past 2 years.Either smothering or abandonment both have the same results and I am sure genetic, brain wiring, also enters into the picture.His mother wanted him to be a girl, she already had a boy much earlier, over 15 years earlier.

We have all doubted the narc .but what you fail to realize is that narc have also over indulging relationships with there parents also..where the parent smothers them and places them on a very high pedistle..this also can cause narcissism because of the parents unrealistic views of the narc child.. Now maybe not in your presence the mother of this narc is beyond submissive to his father etc etc. The point is that there are many layers to a narc mother who is the begin of all and end of all his problems.. Even if he isnt a narc..do you really want to be in the pressence of a jerk.. You seem wise..but wise is not enough to beat a narc..re educate yourself on nc..and you will need to stay away from his family and him..take some time to yourself get your thoughts together