WHY?

20 posts / 0 new

#1 Sep 11 - 12PM

Anonymous (not verified)

I have to ask if these Psychos and narcs just think of us as whores and blow up dolls then why dont they just stick to that. These people are great for someone who just wants sex with nothing else, why dont they just service women for that purpose, why do they need to go after good people who want a warm and caring and trusting relationship? THey can never offer it to someone although in the beginning they pretend to, rather than doing such damage to society why dont they just resign and being whores themsleves? Then they wouldnt have to lie, cheat, betray their partners or fronts they could come and go as they please and screw who they want with no strings upfront? Why do they pursue normal relationships when they really dont want them?

#2 Sep 15 - 1AM

cupcake (not verified)

Why?!

From my experience with my N I got the feeling he liked it. He liked the chase of luring, hooking, using and leaving nice girls. He considered himself so superior he believed himself entitled to classy women. He liked to do things to hurt me he liked playing two of us at the same time it gave him a sense of thrill. He liked to hop out of bed to message her in the middle of the night and I am convinced he did the same to me when he was in bed with her. With a simpering sick look on his face I want to punch that weakling. And weak he is. He could never make a decision. Everything. He could never make a decision about dinner, where to go, what to do - it was always "well let me know your thoughts" or "have a think what you want to do" or "think of something for us to do". He certainly was not man enough to ever take me out anywhere nice, I did everything. And the times we did go out? He wans't fun! His talk is boring! He is boring, nervous, little, there is nothing interesting about him. When he is drinking at night he is fun because he is charming and affectionate then (before sex). But any other time he is pathetic I hate going out to dinner with him I have the worst time. He was cranky and moody too and would snap at me a little. He was best on text message or online - great guy in writing but he couldn't 'walk the walk'! He should have just hired prostitutes if he is so moody when he is with a real woman!

#3 Sep 11 - 6PM

James (not verified)

Brain Scan

Remember whenever we are discussing PD (Personality Disorder) we need to understand how those who suffer from this disorder is processing information and emotions differently. Let's allow Dr. Hare to explain this when discussing an MRI/SPECT taken of an ASPD (Anti-social Personality Disorder) compared to a normal subject brain and how these two subjects brains are processing and using information received to that subject's brain. Barbara is right when she states that their minds think differently and process emotions in different ways. Many of you might even remember them doing something that only left you puzzled and confused. Some might also have thought too themselves, "What's his problem and when will he grow up!!!". The problem here and afraid the answer is never. They don't "grow up" but are emotionally stuck at a very immature stage and don't have the ability to relate to other people in a emotional and psychological healthy way. This is why the disorder starts to affect ever portion of their lives. They lose jobs marriages relationships and some get involved with the law and other areas of social confrontation. Never accepting responsibility for their own actions but blame others over and over again much like a child would do at the age of six years old. The reality here is we might have thought we were having a relationship with an adult but really we were in a relationship with someone that acts emotionally and psychologically just like a child. http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/2009/06/its-brain-thing_7757.html

#4 Sep 11 - 4PM

Barbara (not verified)

CathyMeyer

for a Narcissist it is VERY DIFFERENT. they screw around because they are EASILY BORED and it is one of the only things they "feel". They have a pathological sense of entitlement and see nothing wrong with their 'screwing around.' Narcissists & Psychopaths brains are LITERALLY different. The ONLY emotion they have is primitive aggression, from which their overcharged sex drive emerges. Narcissists & Psychopath's reasons for cheating are VASTLY different from just jerks, players and idiots. We appreciate your prescence and your website. Please just be sure to link back to us: http://allabouthim.com "ALL ABOUT HIM" - Coping with Narcissists ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck

#5 Sep 11 - 10PM (Reply to #16)

CathyMeyer

Barbara

I left a link back. I never leave a link without reciprocating and linking back. I agree that it is different with a Narcissist. I also believe that just like everyone else, Narcissists have different motivations for their actions. I was married to a Narcissist for 14 years and I don't think I ever saw him bored. He used to bore the hell out of me because living with him was like living with a stump. Most men who screw around do it because they are bored or feel entitled...the rules don't apply to them. They are jerks. Narcissists are very emotionally complicated though and infidelity for them is far more than simple boredom. A Narcissist needs someone to reflect back to him his importance and value. When their partner is no longer able to do that they go looking for someone else. At times many someone elses. That makes them not only a jerk but an emotional parasite also. Cathy www.divorcedwomenonline.com

#6 Sep 11 - 11PM (Reply to #17)

Barbara (not verified)

CathyMeyer - they have no complicated reasons

Thanks for the link! Narcs are NOT emotionally complicated at all, however. They cannot feel. Frontal lobe areas of their brain do not function normally and they have no reasons for doing what they do other than those of any 6 year old. That is "they want it now, they want their needs met." Period. http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/traits.html#flirt They cannot love. They cannot feel. They just know how to get their needs met. Sandra Brown's seminal book WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS (it covers both Narcissists and Psychopaths) explains how they target, lure, and brainwash their prey. They have no reasons, complicated or otherwise. They just want to get laid, etc. - for free and without strings. http://www.blogtalkradio.com/allabouthim/2009/08/13/A-Narcissist-is-Incapable-of-Love http://www.blogtalkradio.com/allabouthim/2009/06/04/All-About-Him-Understanding-the-Narcissist-in-your-life http://www.blogtalkradio.com/allabouthim/2009/07/23/The-Narcissists-MadonnaWhore-Complex Other players, jerks and abusers often have complicated reasons for doing it. Narcissists do not. They are "Six." http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/six.html

#7 Sep 11 - 3PM

Monica

My theory....

A caring, warm, trusting person will probably not have an STD and, especially if the N is married (to his Madonna) and cheating (with his Whore), he would not want to risk getting an STD and losing the supply for all those other needs. He also would not want to risk getting cited by the cops, which often makes it into the newspaper. A warm, caring, trusting person would not only supply the N with what he needs but also keep the "secret" much better and probably be critical to keeping the secret simply because she has been "reeled in" and becomes addicted to the N. Also, I believe different "relationships" give different "supplies" to the N. Perhaps a wife satisfies his need for money and status and "possessions" and gives him the motherly type of care. The GF supplies the N with great sex (which he cannot have with the Madonna/wife). I have read where an N might need several different women to supply him with very different things. Is this true, does anyone know?

#8 Sep 12 - 12AM (Reply to #13)

NanC (not verified)

I became friends with my x

I became friends with my x N's gf (the girl after me). She texted me one nite and said she understood that I didn't like her but was wondering if I had heard from him because last time she spoke to him he was not very happy. I told her he was fine, that I had spoken to him earlier in the day (he and I have a child together). I told her good luck trying to keep him happy. By the time I knew it, we had texted back and forth until our phones died! He had portrayed himself (and me) to be something totally different than what we really were. He was role playing (molding himself to what he knew she liked) and making me out to be a real bitch. I told her "he'll try the whole committing suicide bit if she tried to leave him. She then told me that was the reason she contacted me, he had told her he was going to kill himself because she left him (he was ignoring her calls so she would be worried). These guys are sooo jacked up! I asked her if he they had sex often and she said at the beginning and but towards the end, she had to beg him for it. He did the same to me. He said all I ever wanted was to have sex. He said he just wanted to be held and loved. I have to admit, that's about the only thing that bastard was good for! Lol!

#9 Sep 12 - 12AM (Reply to #14)

Barbara (not verified)

the same the same the same

they all do this... Exes are psycho, scorned women, obsessed, nymphos, stalkers... etc. If a man talks badly about his ex? It's a MASSIVE red flag. And they all have Madonna-Whore Complex... and blame us for it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck

#10 Sep 11 - 1PM

CathyMeyer

Is it about screwing around or something deeper.

Is it about screwing who they want? Is it about screwing at all? These guys have no identity. They define themselves by those they are involved with. When the person they are involved with becomes tainted in their skewed view of what is good and bad they go looking for another source of identity. My opinion...they cheat to keep from falling apart. To keep from becoming nothing. They have no autonomy, need a source to define themselves and move from one source to the next. In the end I think it is a moral relationship they want most. They just aren't capable of getting what they want most. Cathy www.divorcedwomenonline.com

#11 Sep 11 - 12PM

Fawn

They Want the Perks

Because they want YOU to do everything for them. They want the secure supply and the attention from being in a stable relationship, they just don't want to do any of the work!

#12 Sep 11 - 5PM (Reply to #7)

Heart

I know the feeling

We had amazing sexual chemistry that stopped 2 months after we got married, and from then on,for th next ten years, I had to beg for sex. He separated from me and we are divorcing. He told me he could not ask for a better wife, but he does not want to be married, he does not know what he wants, but he wants to date!! This is his first marriage, my second. Of course, he calls me, wants to see me, says he's worried about me and we wants to be friends with me. And I wonder why I can barely function!

#13 Sep 11 - 6PM (Reply to #10)

Hoping2Heal (not verified)

Mine husband is doing the

Mine husband is doing the same thing! I'm about to post about it in a new thread....Lost my heart now losing my mind

#14 Sep 11 - 5PM (Reply to #8)

Barbara (not verified)

Heart - NO CONTACT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Institute NO CONTACT IMMEDIATELY!! http://knittingattheguillotine.blogspot.com/2009/08/no-contact.html Listen to this: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/allabouthim/2009/07/23/The-Narcissists-MadonnaWhore-Complex http://www.blogtalkradio.com/allabouthim/2009/06/04/All-About-Him-Understanding-the-Narcissist-in-your-life ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck

#15 Sep 11 - 5PM (Reply to #9)

Heart

Grateful

It's nice that so many understand. Thank you.

#16 Sep 11 - 1PM (Reply to #2)

cynthia (not verified)

I figured as much

I was afraid you would say that, ha ha They want a one way relationship with their victims doing all the work and they just suck and take from them, they all want relationships alright so they can feed their NO SELVES with it

#17 Sep 11 - 1PM (Reply to #3)

Barbara (not verified)

here's why

In Psycho-Boy's case he literally stopped being able to afford the whores. They KNOW it's socially unacceptable to not be 'in a relationship' besides they want it all for free. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck

#18 Sep 11 - 3PM (Reply to #4)

cynthia (not verified)

how true

like one of the responses said, IS IT REALLY ABOUT JUST SCREWING? I dont think it is, sex isnt so much as a relief as it is supply like a junkie, gives them that feeling of power. Interesting you should say socially acceptable, I think back and I almost forgot what my counselor said, it look better to have a pretend partner on your arm when going to social functions etc, at his age people would ask too many questions, why doesnt he have a steady partner, or GF, why at his age would he still want to have such a variety to screw, is he gay, is there something else wrong with the man, many men do not marry for all sorts of reasons that is more acceptable than parading around with different partners at his age, they can get by with it probably well into their late 30's but time catches up to them they must preserve their image better to at least look like I am fairly normal to humanity by having a fake steady, I wont really commit to her and she can shack up part time with me I will just keep telling her when the time is right to keep her around but I wont go to her family crap with her, and I dont give a shit about her kids and her family, yes indeed that fake gF comes in real handy for appearance sake, I just built a beautiful $$$$ home family, friends and others will see I am a pretty normal guy with a woman living with me, pretty serious about our relationship she comes in real handy covering up my other sick life too nobody would suspect I am a sick perverted predator on the side all I really have to do is f--k her once a month (if I have to) take her out once and awhile, tell her I love her, let her live with me part time, do what wives do for their husbands, in the meantime Iam in a great job too I can work lots of OT using that as an excuse when I get sick of her, I hunt during the fall and winter months alot, that also gives me time to myself to get some freedom, (he met up with me on the way back from a hunting outing) Barbara I have mine at least figured out they all have different methods but I got my psychos life style down pretty good, so not only is this woman his steady supply but she is being used as nothing but a cover and a front to hide his real sick self. Interesting my counselor said he doesnt think he will need her when he retires in a few years, he will be out of the work force wont have to worry about that and he will not have any woman tie him down

#19 Sep 12 - 12AM (Reply to #5)

NanC (not verified)

Sick bastards...Mine worked

Sick bastards...Mine worked a lot of overtime. He was always working (or screwing around behind my back). I think they do tend to be workaholics though so they don't have to deal with reality (or normal family life routines!) I don't know why I miss my N. He was the most miserable person to be around.

#20 Sep 12 - 1AM (Reply to #6)

James (not verified)

NanC

Work and careers are their first line of NC (Narcissistic Supply) and family and/or partners are second line of NS. I believe both Lisa Scott and Barbara has talk about this before. So yes some are workaholics but because of the disorder they are often not as productive as they make themselves out to be. Also because they can't tolerance Narcissistic injury they tend in get into problem at work and/or with those in higher position within the company. Ever constructive criticize is like a spit in the face for an NPD.

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