i need everyone!!!

He wants to test the waters... He must be low on supply. These are not healthy people. Actions speak louder than words. Do not listen to what this man is saying. Look at how he has treated you. Look at what he has done. Forgiveness is great. Forgive him, but friendship just doesn't exist the n's. He will use you again. THey use and discard. That's the bottom line.

He said you seem happier now, and really he doesn't want that. Don't fall for this mess! And you go girl for hanging up on him!!!!!! Oh that must have felt good!

Total trap! Your instincts are correct! Good for you for hanging up quickly after. They are sneaky bastards. He is throwing that hook out to you and trying to SNAG you. HE KNOWS HE WILL. PROOVE HIM WRONG. God I hate them. WHY DON'T THEY LEAVE US ALONE??? I know why...'CAUSE THEY ARE DICKS!

Ohhhhh! Honey don't fall that for crap. He tells EVERYONE the same thing. Get away! Stay away. "Mommy. mommy, I need help. I love you mommy. Yeah right! And his mother was the pope.

I totally agree with Terri. The ex N/P is "friends" with every ex girlfriend or fuck buddy that he ever had. i refuse to be part of his ex girlfriends' club so i will forever remain NC. I was married to the N/P for about 20 years when I found a letter he had written to an old girlfriend whom he dated before me. He was telling her how special she was and how he is so sorry for hurting her and marrying me and he was looking for her for all of these years to apologize. They are sick and twisted. Please do not fall for this. Keep moving forward and enjoy your life. Peace!

He's testing the waters, I'd say. Throwing out feelers to see where you are at and how receptive you may be towards him. DON'T fall for it.

Its taken me at least 8 times or more ! I don't know. I lost count but what I am trying to finally understand is that this is hoovering. Its not normal or genuine no matter how real it seems and how hard it is to imagine that its not. If you carry on communicating with him before you know it you will be hooked back in only for him to hurt and discard you again and from experience no matter how prepared for it you think you may be it hurts more and they pull new tricks out of the box that really hurt. This has just happened to me again a few days ago. He drew me back in and we had an idyllic few weeks where really if I didn't have my underlying suspicions that he was somehow still involved with his ex in an appropriate way then I would have got totally sucked in. Anyway to cut a long story short his mask started to slip he got moody I ended up telling his ex that I had been seeing him for 2 years. She clearly didn't know and he clearly didn't want her to know and what followed has been his cruellest and most horrible D&D ever and it hurts like hell and now I think he's working his way back to her. It hurts like hell but I had to know whether he was cheating me and how else was I going to find out ! The point is though he hooked me bag telling me he was nothing without me blah blah when in fact he was lying and cheating. Why he chased me back is I suppose what they do to hurt us. He even said he hated me and wanted to hurt me. Then when I asked the next day why hed drawn me back in and was it just to hurt me and he said no. I've read on this forum that's what they do but I guess I had to learn the hard way. Going NC is so hard but please try not to respond at all because as I've learned they always win. I even stupidly engaged in communication with him just to out manipulate him and play him at his own game ! Wow did that backfire ! Now I'm left crushed once again. Only this time its worse. I let him do the ultimate D&D but I suppose at least I know the truth about the OW so even if I can doubt he really is a narc and doesn't love me I can't doubt that he's not to be trusted to be faithful and that has to be the biggest deal breaker. I wish you strength

And keep reminding yourself that he doesn't actually mean anything he says - all lies and manipulations!! All of last year, after ending our engagement, the narc would wait until enough time had passed and was not hearing from me. He would do exactly what your N has just done with his "out of the blue" phone call. This lasted for months. Then I decided to do a little snooping into his email and his FB page and saw how he was "trolling" about 5 other women - all ex's and all still single. There was absolutley NO MENTION of me and I got to see exactly what his tactics were with them. Think about it - the one thing they all have in common is their continued relationships with old girlfriends. YOU are now entering the "old girlfriend" category with this jerk as he moves forward for fresh supply. Do you really want to be the one that gets suckered into believing that he's still pining over you and sorry for how things ended? All the while he is establishing new relationships with unsuspecting women who will know NOTHING about you?? This is their game. It's as if there's a NARC university out there somewhere and these guys are all alums. End the cycle NOW and move onto a normal life. Where one door closes, a better one opens.

What a guy! Another Lion on the hunt! See they wait till you're better than, wham! What do you do?? Delete, delete, block & delete! I wonder if he called your work neighbor he was screwing to appoligize to her too! Idiots! Stay Strong don't let him win! Idealk

Yes. When we reconnected he apologized about how everything went down with us. He said I am so happy to see you happy. Its kindd of hard for me but I am happy your happy. I hope you can learn to trust me again and see the person I have become. I see who he became alright and that is an even more evil bastard than he was before. Exhausted this is a big hoover maneuver don't engage thinking your in control and you just want to see the behavior again to comfirm it or have the opportunity to d and d him. That's a dangerous game and before you know it you will be under his spell again and this time hell make sure you go down even harder.

Oh heck . First the narc dose not share the same context for time as we do so 4 months actualy dosnt mean 4 months to him as we know it , its all to do about emotional memory and they dont have this and that is why you can go 2 years or more with out contact with the narc but he will pick up a conversation as if it was yesterday , they also dont change ever and because they cant change they have no concept that we do , the narc views everyone as an extention of themselves and dosnt understand that we have emotions because he dosnt have them so all the pain we have been going through is an alian consept to them , they natualy assume everyone is as shallow as them .. sad but ture . The "lets be friends " thing comes up time and time again and its like a slap in the face with a wet kipper when they troll that line out . The fact is they can change any relationship at a blink of an eye and again that has to do with their lack of emotion . They simply find it impossible to understand people have feelings . What you have to say to this hover attempt and it is a hover as he is looking for supply .. any contact a narc makes be it positive or negative is a hover attempt, what you have to say to him is a big fat F*ck off . If you look at what he said he has completely contradicted himself (suprise suprise) he said "i should have stoped it when i knew you where getting invloved " but here he is 4 months in attempting to hover you .. if he really thought he should have left it when you fell in love there is no way on earth he should be calling you up. This is a huge red flag , listern to youre gut over this ... Big love .. keep strong , 4 months is a very tricky time in recovery and you must know that because you are still vanurabe you have to dig deep and remain NC .. xxx

He was defo feeling you out with all those words. I got this kind of phone call from my ex while I was going through the dissapearance of the N. He wanted to apologize for everything too..but he just couldn't remember what it was he did..he knew he did something bad so it was just a blanket apology. He still wanted to control communication. It was as if he just wanted me to nod and say ok as well. He didn't care what I had to say about any of it, he just wanted to get it off he chest and feel better about himself. This is just another tactic exhausted.

This happened to me years ago before I had any idea what he was or what it all meant. He called out of the blue, 8 months later, and apologized for what he did. He asked for forgiveness and would not end the call until I told him he had it. He said "maybe we can go to dinner sometime." I should have said no. I would have saved myself years of pain and anguish. Dear, it is not possible for him to just be friends with you. Their tactics for friends are no different than those they use while in a relationships. Sex is the only thing that's different. The crazy-making, manipulation, lies, covering up, and emotional abuse are all the same. It's what they know. And it's what they do. It's happened to me. You did great by not getting into it on the phone. Now, process it, and forget about it. He is not capable of being a friend. It is an attempt to "test the waters" and gauge your response for a larger reentry into your life. Don't let it happen! hugs, really

dont fall for it. Or maybe you will have to, so you get burned yourself. Cause he will do it again, and then you will move on easier. I got the same some months ago, the exact same tactic. DONT FALL FOR IT.

It's a trap. Why does he need to be your friend now? He probably is low on N supply is why. Don't take anymore calls from him, it would only lead to more heartache. Keep being happy without him.

Congratulations...you have outwilled the narc. Please stay away from this person. He is not "your friend." If you give him even a quarter of an inch, he will mow you down so hard it will make the first time feel like a walk in the park. I know this is hard because you are a kind, caring person who wants to be nice. But NICE DOESN'T WORK with these people. THEY EAT NICE FOR LUNCH. THEY ABUSE NICE. Don't give it to him. You have done such hard work to get to the 'indifference' stage...hell, you even have the disordered one JEALOUS that you seem happy and to have moved on. Show him that he's right. Keep moving on. Right past his sorry A$$! I know this is HUGE but please go back to NC. Otherwise you tread a dangerous tightrope that can lead you right back to the hell you were in four months ago. Big hugs to you, EX. You should feel very good about yourself right now! You deserve it! sincerely (think I've finally stopped) spinning!!! AND IT FEELS GREAT!