MAKING IT THRU THIS DAY

18 posts / 0 new

#1 May 11 - 9AM

Used

MAKING IT THRU THIS DAY

dear all, this is the worst day i have had in 18mnths nc with exn, this morning i went out and it just got worse so back in i came and came back on here, i dont understand what is wrong with me, 18mnths nc and his trying to get back to me the first 15mnths was pathetic, even joining f/b and getting his ex on it[it wasent easy it took him months] but he done it as he once told me he would i said no way after what he had done to her, but i was well wrong,it amused me he would go to so much trouble to piss me off, it didnt so thats not the issue, but today i feel so lost about him, even knowing i could get him back[HE IS ANYBODYS WHO WILL LISTEN TO HIM].
SO I STAYED HERE WITH MY FRIENDS, and no it wasent corny what you wrote it was so true without the back up here i would have gone back to him in the early days so thankyou all for beign here today i needed this forum so bad like i once need and wanted him.....so thankyou again i am so bad today i asked god for a sign that i can make it, i feel so low and yet i dont know why, narc said to me once he wanted to be able to lock me in my home and take the key and for noone else to be able to get to me or talk to me except him, what he didnt know was i wanted the same for him once. thanks for listeningxx

#2 May 11 - 12PM

Bitter-sweet

for used

Dear Used, I am also at 18 months. At least, it is 18 months since I last saw him- 16 months since we were last in contact. Be kind to yourself today and know that you have made the right choice. Any man who will respond to 'anybody' is not worth the having. You are not just any woman. Like you, I stlll have difficult days, even though I ended it (he degraded me in every possible way... I am still too ashamed to post my story). Know that tomorrow your strength will be back. Don't lock him in- lock him out.

#3 May 11 - 12PM (Reply to #17)

Used

bitter sweet

thankyou so much, i too ended it i also planned how i would end it,[after about millionth time], but i stuck to it this time, i see him nearly all the time he lives near me,the first 14/15mnths i thought he is never going to give up, then about a month a go[after he had gone quiet for a while], he came ans stood right in front of me, i was having a coffee and i looked and looked away and for a moment i hadnt registered it was him ,by the time i had he was gone, that was a defining moment as well,he has been quiet since, ive seen him but no big deal. HE REALY IS ANYBODYS AND I TOLD HIM SO HE WAS SO INSULTED, IT WAS AND IS TRUE, I REMEMBER ONE TEXT I SENT HIM SAYING IF I HAD KNOWN I ONLY HAD TO HAVE A PULSE TO GET YOU I WOULD HAVE RUN SCREAMING. LOL. IF YOU COULD SEE SOME OF THE PEOPLE HE GOES WITH , AH WELL IT WONT BE ME ANYMOREXXXXX

#4 May 11 - 12PM

onwithmylife

USED

2 freaking years out from NC and only now in the last few months, starting to feel better, so 18 months is no big deal, and I was with the Narc for 15 years.do not beat yourself up, it will get better...

#5 May 11 - 12PM (Reply to #13)

Used

onwithmylife

do ya know you are right?, i had it in my head that 18mnths, and thats what it took and then be ok.NOT TRUE FOR ME. i guess thats another reason i went pearshaped b/c i thought done and dusted, oh well back to the drawing board, i have to say today and for long as i have been here this forum and friends on it has been SO INVALUBLE......THANKYOU ALL SO MUCHXXXXXXX

#6 May 11 - 1PM (Reply to #14)

onwithmylife

USED, BUT NOT used UP!!!

Some people on the board use to mention 18 months as the watershed, forget that, there is NO watershed, i think lots depends on how long you went together, how much abused you suffered, self esteem issues you may or may not have, level of support system ,in other word so MANY factors, no major pill, wish there was one though!!

#7 May 11 - 1PM (Reply to #15)

Used

ONWITHMYLIFE

yes it was another mod wasent it? she said it i believed it, will i never learn.lol, exn was a screaming abusive bully, i met him 6half years ago, but it was realy full on, like you i havent got a real network of people as such. i have adult children only one lives in my area,he has a family of his own as well, i lost a few friends when i was with narc and i dropped a few after, i have one realy good friend but she has family too, so i pace myself with her and anyway i dont mention him much to her as now i am out i cant do her head in any more about him.lol. this board is where i come to learn and also get feedback and understanding, also b/c we cannot see each other, i dont have to see someone rolling there eyes[cant blame them]or lifting eyebrows as if to say omg not the narc saga again!!! unless you have been in a situation like this and walked a mile in our shoes then no one knows what its like so i come here......thank god for thatxx

#8 May 11 - 12PM

spinning

Used, I think it's the

anniversary that's triggering you. Guess what? It's okay! There are still feelings inside of you that need to get out and a bad day is just a bad day. You will process whatever it is that's going on inside and move on. I KNOW THIS! Be kind to yourself. You were narced! It doesn't matter if it was 19 months ago or 20 years ago (I know this too because my sister still fumes over her exNH who she left 22 years ago!) But today her life is healthy and happy. These disordered ones leave a mark that's hard to erase. Go easy on yourself. You are doing all the right things. You got up and made dinner, you know you have to keep moving ahead. And you will! You have helped me very much with validation and advice in my journey and I know you will continue to do so. WE WILL NOT GO DOWN! I send you a big hug and good vibes for peace of mind and serenity. Tomorrow is another day...and maybe a day for CELEBRATION! Love, (not) spinning (not even a little bit today and IT FEELS GREAT!!!)

spinning

#9 May 11 - 12PM (Reply to #11)

Used

SPINNING

I was just thinking that, came back on her and you had posted this, thankyou as well for your nice positive comments, but and theres always a but why should 19mnths bother me, i can understand 6mnths or even a year, i remember beign on here for the 6mnths and didnt even mention it, i might of for the year, something triggered me today something that made me feel vulnarable and i have just relized what it is.i am glad you are not spinning even a little bit, good for you and long may it continue, and thankyou for the hugs and vibes and right back at you love usedxxxxxxxx

#10 May 11 - 10AM

Happy1

used

I understand. We all have our down days now and again and they enter our heads. I'm only 5 months out now and it's very hard. He still contacts me and I feel grateful for Hunter and this site that I haven't run back. You can do it! Just take a moment at a time. A minute at a time. Focus on anything but him. Distract yourself as much as possible. Big Hugs!

#11 May 11 - 10AM (Reply to #8)

Used

happy1

thankyou for that, i just wouldnt have expected to feel so down 19mnth nc[tomorrow]down the line, it is at times like this that i do appreciate not biegn in relationship with him like so many on the board, his behavior as a friend was bad enough but to be a b/f/ h/ lover/ i wouldnt have been able to handle that this i know. SO KUDOS TO ALL THE BRAVE STRONG WOMEN ON THIS BOARD WHO ARE MAKING IT AWAY FROM THESE MENXXXXXX

#12 May 11 - 12PM (Reply to #9)

Happy1

used

You are strong! We are all stronger than we think or believe. I never thought I would be 5 months away from mine. I actually thought I would have to die to end it. That's how low I was. that's also how connected I felt and doomed to never be away from him. If I can do it, I feel anyone can. I was extremely addicted. Extremely!!

#13 May 11 - 9AM

janine

Stay strong Used

Sorry you are having such a horrible day. Best thing would be to go back to bed and sleep through it. What can I say to make you feel better? That there will be other days, that you are going to feel calm, cool and collected again. I usually go out to do some extra swimming, running or biking until I am exhausted. When the adrenaline is down one does feel a bit better, more indifferent. You are doing really well considering all the crazy people you have had to deal with for ages. Will keep my fingers crossed that tomorrow you will have a wonderful day.

#14 May 11 - 10AM (Reply to #6)

Used

janine

thankyou so much for replying,yes tomorrow is another day, its 19mnths nc tomorrow. lol. i think maybe i thought of tomorrow and thought its nealy 2 years since i dropped him, 2 years and i feel quite emotional, but i never dreamed 6half years ago when i met him that i would ever think i would be better off with out him, and stick to it there is just no point to him or about him anymore so why bother?xxxxx to get grief is bad enough, to go looking for it would be nuts.

#15 May 11 - 9AM

Hunter

Pick up your ass and go back

Pick up your ass and go back out! If you sit and stew it will be worse! Go Shopping! :) Is it PMS time? That's a killer for me! Honestly, even I get like this ,and the question is why? When you really think about it it's all a big waste of brain cells! Call a friend, read a book, get a massage, exercise, girl get up and move! Hunter

#16 May 11 - 10AM (Reply to #4)

Used

hunter

thankyou for answering, you bought a smile to my face about is it pms time, that ship is long gone.lol, and i did geta move on, i got up and done some dinner and told my self to get a grip, iknow its the summer mnths as well, thats when we spent the most time togetherxx

#17 May 11 - 9AM

wacaet

someone told me recently keep

someone told me recently keep doing the next right thing, no matter what you are feeling because while feelings will change, the right thing never will keep up the NC and know that eventually this too shall pass. Maybe this is the last pangs of regret before you are finally free? Don't give up 5 minutes before the miracle!!

#18 May 11 - 10AM (Reply to #2)

Used

wacaet

thankyou for replying ,you could have a point, its 19mnths nc tomorrow, so if i can stay away from someone who i thought so much of for 19mnths[oh and he lives near me], then its over for me and yes i am mourning that i guess, someone who at first i couldnt stay away from and now i just walk passed him, just having a bad dayxxxxx

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