Broke NC

26 posts / 0 new

#1 Jun 8 - 1PM

Deidre40

Broke NC

In a huge way. :=(

I'm mad at myself, but forgiving myself too.

I'll share more of the details later, but suffice to say...the ass posted a bunch of crap about my intelligence on FB. AGAIN. TODAY. I was on the phone with a mutual friend, and he was relaying the messages that he was reading on his FB to me. (coulda sworn I graduated high school sigh)

The thing that hurt was who was chiming in. Another 'friend' who totally chimed in along with him. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. :=( Not a soul has had my back in this mess. Not one soul. They are not his friend either, if they're 'reporting' this back to me. And one of the ppl this guy told me about who was chiming in...HE BASHED HER TO ME when we were together. Calling her fat, etc. I remember.

I decided to go onto that website, and ''randomly'' say...that people should be careful who they share stuff with on the internet. He read it, and posted about it on his fb. haha this man is NUTS! Doesn't he have anything else to do? Following me around and talking about it on FB?

I decided to text him. Sigh. Hemmed and hawed--KNEW I shouldn't, but did. I asked him why is he bashing me, and to kindly stop. Thanks. << that was my message.

His reply...that I have spoken to others about him (I have not name called him just told the truth about what happened) that I need to reap what I'm sowing, and that maybe his next fb post will be...who wants to see pics of me? (ones I sent to him when we were dating, if you know what I'm saying) I replied...''you're nuts.'' He replied...''then why are you texting me?'' I reexplained why...he then replied...''lose my fucking number will you? I am sick of your bs.'' ''I replied...''don't flatter yourself. perhaps you should move on. it's been 2 months...and you're still badmouthing me? someone sounds bitter'' he replied...''you need to get the last word? you're pathetic.''

A few more back and forths, and then I ended with hoping he finds God in his lifetime. How angry he is, and that I won't be contacting him anymore.

No reply at this point. I know what he is. When I tangle with him, I know that he plays dirty. He's nasty, mean...vengeful. But, to find out today, that ANOTHER mutual friend is sitting there chiming in...saying...'yeah man, she's stupid.' I addressed him, and he apologized. Whatever, though.

I have a feeling he has shown those pics to others already. He texted a wink emoticon, when he said that would be his next post. About showing others the pics. Good lawdie, my life is something I don't recognize. One bad decision--saying yes to dating this man--and my life has never been the same. :=(

But, I'm not crying here. I'm not angry with myself either. This is a twisted soul, who will never be happy in life. There's no need to exact revenge on these people. They live in a hell all their own, of their own making.

He texted...''I finally see what it takes though to get you to text. Make fun of you.''

Anyways--if you want to break NC. Think really hard about it. It's not worth it. I don't feel set back at all. Just feel...like my energies didn't have to go to something so stupid.

He is a waste of time. All our mutual friends, waste of time. What hurts is I can't believe they turned on me, and to my face, they'd bad mouth him.

Anywho--that's been my day so far. lol

Okay--can someone decipher why he is doing this???

#2 Jun 9 - 8AM

Deidre40

so you think that he is

so you think that he is bashing me on fb to get my attention? on some level i knew that. but, thought since i don't hear from him directly via text or calls...he was over it. although he sent that cryptic message a few days ago. but, truthfully...he's been baiting me every week...since the breakup. the mutual friend said today...''he is trying hard to make it look like he ended it with you, but everyone knows the truth.'' it still saddens me that soooo many people i thought were friends...sit there and laugh with him. lots of 'lol's' at my expense. the world is very round. what goes around, comes around.

#3 Jun 9 - 7AM

Smitten Kitten (not verified)

"Okay--can someone decipher

"Okay--can someone decipher why he is doing this???" That's easy. This statement is your answer: He texted...''I finally see what it takes though to get you to text. Make fun of you.'' He's been pushing your buttons until he found one that worked. He's been baiting you and finally got you to bite. Unfortunately, now that he knows what works - making fun of you - he will do more of it. And when you go back to ignoring him and not responding, he will increase it. This is how he keeps you hooked on the line with him. They HATE to be ignored and negative attention is better than no attention. I wish I knew what to tell you to do next besides NC, because the whole smear campaign stuff really sucks. He needs new supply to focus on. ;o(

#4 Jun 9 - 8AM (Reply to #22)

Deidre40

SMITTEN--YOU ARE RIGHT

why won't this man let me go? let the breakup go? I just got finished talking to a mutual friend, who has been loyal to me, I suppose. He said that he wants to make you look bad, as that is what he does with everyone. He does it online. Did it with his ex wives. Understand what you're dealing with, dee. So he told me today, this is the last day he'll update me on the ass' fb page. He said that up until late last night, he posted his and my entire text exchange, and said...''what an idiot, she brings the laughs.'' And then said...''I told that chick to lose my number but she must be too stupid to remember me telling her that.'' ''She is hot, that I'll give her, but she's dumb as f*ck.'' I do know what I'm dealing with, and do know that I took a risk texting him. He threatened to go public with the pics I sent to him while we were dating. I pray he doesn't stoop to this level. WHY IS HE DOING THIS????

#5 Jun 9 - 8AM (Reply to #23)

Smitten Kitten (not verified)

He's doing it because it works

He wants to get a reaction from you and you keep giving him one. This is ultimately about YOU letting the relationship go, not him. YOU need to let it go regardless of what he does. He is the puppet master and is still pulling your strings - you need to cut them.

#6 Jun 9 - 8AM (Reply to #24)

Used

SMITTEN KITTEN

well said and so true.

#7 Jun 8 - 10PM

rainbow1

D40

I could of been writing this. In fact, before I read this I did just basically write this same story. Our mutual friends took his side the first time around until he messed up. Then they came back to me. I have been told so many times how dumb I am for still talking to him. How they all hate him. How he is the worst person on earth. How none of them will ever talk to him again. But here is round 2 and I am sitting at home while he plays kickball with them all. It isnt fair. I do not get it. Maybe they all forgot what he did? Maybe he somehow convinced them that I really am the crazy one again? Maybe they just think that he is a good time? Maybe he got better at hiding his craziness to them? I have no clue why. I just know that it is unfair. I am so sorry that you are going through this. It is hard I know. The only thing that I can say that got me through last time when I had no friends was to focus on myself. I kept myself busy with school, work, massages, anything to not feel lonely.

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#8 Jun 8 - 10PM

rainbow1

D40

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#9 Jun 8 - 8PM

Deidre40

You know, it occured to me.

You know, it occured to me. He texted me with that cryptic message yesterday...and it was like huh? And then he bad mouths me today. And he tells me people are telling him I'm talking about him. I dunno. What does it matter really.

#10 Jun 8 - 8PM (Reply to #18)

Arwen

It's all his internal

It's all his internal paranoia...don't you see? He has several OW that are lying around in tatters because of him and his guilt puts him into this paranoic state. So maybe you are the one that is in touch with him in some way so he takes it out on you - or he could very well be and probably is text-screaming at a bunch of other women he has fucked over and threatening them with similar things. This is the horrible truth once you learn it and it hurts like hell - but there are all of these OW lying in the killing fields after being narced by him, just like you.

#11 Jun 8 - 8PM

Arwen

ummm Dierdre I have been in

ummm Dierdre I have been in your shoes like you would not believe with my main narc who smeared me to the whole profession we both work in and continues to do everything in his power to get me out of his way and out of the profession I have worked my whole life to be in - because he has paranoia that I talk about him. The truth is, EVERYONE talks about him EVERYWHERE because his behavior brings that on to him and he has done it all himself. Now, if that fucker posts nude pics of you, you are going to get a lawyer and scare the living crap out of that coward, ok? But for now, stay calm and graceful and sit tight.

#12 Jun 8 - 4PM

nancyh

Can't decipher his craziness

Can't decipher his craziness to you D, but want to let you know I'm sorry you had to deal with this. We've got your back. Hugs, Nan

Nan

#13 Jun 8 - 8PM (Reply to #15)

Deidre40

nancyh

Thanks nancy. I'm sitting here right now...after coming back from the gym...talked to my daughter a bit. And just so mentally drained from this asshole. Thank goodness he never met my kids. OMG. What a horror that would have been. Thanks for your kind words!

#14 Jun 8 - 3PM

sadlymistaken

So sorry Deidre :(

I was just about to get off here and don't have time to read the replies so I might be repeating...but I have also found that pretty much everyone sides with the narc, no matter previous experiences that have shown them exactly who you are, and exactly who the narc is. And they also will not listen to any logical argument, or take into account any concrete proof. I wracked my brain trying to figure out why... And what I came up with is that when we are telling the complete truth we think, "I have the facts and truth on my side. No need to lie, manipulate or embelish." We also tend to take responsibility for our part. Like we admit to some real mistakes we may have made while caught up in the drama. But the narc has no rules. He has no honor. AND he is a master manipulator. He will appeal to each person's own narcissism and approach from that angle. Like, if he knows someone's ex was very verbally abusive, he will frame the story around that. He reframes the story for each individual person's strengths and weaknesses and says whatever necessary to get them on his side. When ALL we have are truth and facts against his ability to recreate the situation in anyway he pleases for each person...we're screwed. And it is SADDDDD how few people don't get sucked in. But that is due to their weaknesses and his playing to their feeling, desires...just like the mirroring he did to win you over in the beginning. THAT'S what happens each time he reinvents his story for each individual person. Hmmmm, this is way too long but I hope it makes sense. I'm so sorry you're going through this, especially the picture thing. :( Lots of hugs.

#15 Jun 8 - 8PM (Reply to #12)

Deidre40

sadlymistaken

oh gosh, sadly...this makes perfect sense, indeed. I also think that he preys on the weak. What I found interesting, are the people who are ''listening'' to his drivel. They all lack something. He has made fun of them ALL to me, when we were dating. That's the sad part. Now, they are sitting there on his fb page...dutifully listening to him make fun of me. WOW. I don't know why I'm surprised. I guess different layers of this onion appear every week, it seems. And the onion never ends. lol I appreciate this very much tonight!

#16 Jun 8 - 10PM (Reply to #13)

rainbow1

d40

Again I could of wrote that! My N states that he HATES the people that he is telling his lies to. He thinks that they are all dumb drama starters. He has told me that he realized who he can and cant tell things too so that they dont start drama for him He has also told me that I need to stand up to these people who talk bad about me (even though it is his doing. They talk bad about me because of the things that he says). He told me that I let them push me around and think negatively of me because I dont do anything about it. It is all quite maddening.

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#17 Jun 8 - 3PM

BadaBing

?

S-U-P-P-L-Y THAT 'S WHY Seriously, you need to back away you seem to take 2 steps forward and 4 steps back. Haven't you learned enough by now that you know you can't change him or what he says? it's like he has you on a string Deiedre40 and he yanks it an you respond. Stop.

#18 Jun 8 - 8PM (Reply to #8)

Deidre40

badabing

I really don't mean to cave though. I think for me today--I wanted him to know that I'm aware he's bad mouthing me to ''our'' friends. I guess you're right though. At the end of the day--what does any of it matter? What he, they, or whoever think of me? I was telling kgirl today (a poster here) that when I disappear off that website...my peace restores. When I go back on...the chaos, somehow, some way...starts up again. And now I know he's reading every damn thing I post on there (I started posting a few things again lately) and is talking about it on FB. It's all so stupid...this chapter of my life. I just wish I had never met him. :=( But, I can rewind this. You're right, though. I want to keep moving forward, and stop stepping backwards. Thanks for the insight. I like your username here. :P

#19 Jun 9 - 7AM (Reply to #9)

BadaBing

Sick to my stomach

I am having a hard time with these mean type of men and I can't stand to see you wrapped up with him still after this long. It makes me wonder what is in store for me, as the EX also turned mean on me when I didn't give into him. But it's me - all me - that is having the problem. For some reason yesterday was a trigger for me. You have to break this cycle Deirdre 40! it's all up to us to stay NC and end this crap. i am having a hard time and don't want to take it out on anyone but I wonder what is in store for me if others farther along are still contacting and still staying at the affect of the N's after we have all learned so much it's messing iwth my mind today :(

#20 Jun 9 - 8AM (Reply to #10)

Used

badabing

i can see what you are saying.....but i havent broken nc in 20mnths and he lives near me and he still keeps trying...he can go to hell...b/c i learned so much on here there is no way i would contact this piece of shite...

#21 Jun 8 - 2PM

Hunter

D. His friends are like he

D. His friends are like he is, you sleep with a dog who has flees (or goats) your gonna get flees! He did win that round, he pushed the right buttons and you reacted! A narcs dream! Once again he proved who he was. PDI! Or Scrambled Eggs!! Hunter

#22 Jun 8 - 2PM (Reply to #6)

Done sourcing

He is truly

thedrysocketinthetoothachesofnarcromances.com 1. Assclown 2. Dickwad 3. Narcopathbrain 4. All of the above Chris 2nd request, I need some fun clever names for my ex-wife narc please!!

#23 Jun 8 - 1PM

Done sourcing

Dear Deidre

"He is a waste of time. All our mutual friends, waste of time. What hurts is I can't believe they turned on me, and to my face, they'd bad mouth him." What really hurts??? That we trusted-and got used That we loved-and got used That we gave all we had to give-and got used That we risked-and got used That we shared-and got used That we exposed our inner selves-and got used The circus came to town, you re-visited the freak show. It was a short engagement, you have walked away, shaky but intact. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Let's not all lie to ourselves and each other anymore. We want to resolve the unresolvable, fix the unfixable, hurt the unhurtable. Disordered equals out of order. I wouldn't put money in a vending machine that had a sign stating it was out of order. Our education here on this site has taught us, sometimes quickly and sometimes slowly, these narcs are "Out of Order". Chris

#24 Jun 8 - 8PM (Reply to #4)

Deidre40

chris

Thanks for this chris! I read it at work, but didn't have time to reply. I love how you say...out of order. lol So true! I think that there must still be this small part of me that hopes 'he gets it.' That he'll say he's sorry. Ironically, when I called out someone in an email saying they hurt my feelings, sitting on his FB chiming in...the person gave me a heartfelt apology. But, I know this person desperately wants this narc to like him. He's like the bully in high school, that all the girls liked...but all the boys wanted to be like. Does that make sense? I wish people could see him for what he is. This guy told me that everyone knows the truth...that rumor has it he was an absolute wreck after our breakup. He said, when he says stuff about you on FB...people all know it's because he's not over you. So...maybe people do get it, but they should stop entertaining the jerk. I'm just so drained. Just when I was feeling strong. I still do, but just feel...like what did I do to deserve this crap? :=(

#25 Jun 8 - 2PM (Reply to #3)

Hunter

"out of order" I like

"out of order" I like that! Hunter

#26 Jun 8 - 1PM

Jannie In the Sun

Broke NC

The reasons are not important! They are all about him and have nothing to do with your happiness. BLOCK HIM, DELETE HIM, DON'T LOOK BACK and don't let him drag you back into the vortex. You are hurting yourself when you do that. Do you really want to be with someone who doesn't treat you the way you deserve to be treated? Don't be mad at yourself, it happens to all of us. Your power to heal IS within you and you have to stay close to your supporters and keep reminding yourself of what he has already cost you. YOU DESERVE BETTER! Be good to you! Peace and Love - Jannie

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