For all of you with CD

I agree with talking control of the situation and facing things head on with empowerment. HOWEVER, this is only possibe if you are in a good place. Obviously it is not to be done if you are still pinning away for the Narc and unable to stay out of his clutches. Otherwise, yes, a good dose of reality check is good if and when you are ready. God bless, Goldie

Hunter now I now you're really a girl after my own heart. I came to this site feeling that NC was a myth and unrealistic, and I also felt that having contact of course armed with the knowledge of what he really is and having a group to support you, is not only sometimes EXACTLY what you need to get to the point that you get this grossed-out indifference you"ve been waiting to feel, but it also can give you closure if you can tell them off as I did mine last month. And DAMN it felt good to get off my chest what I had been holding in for months. I have healed since that point that I broke NC and got into the position where I could tell him everything he had said and promised. The problem came when he called and tried to explain himself and said,, "well you see were just friends when all of this was going on", and that was something NC would have prevented me from hearing. So, it can go both ways. NC in general is the way to go, but if you're SO consumed with the need to see his real self for reassurance, or to read the riot act to him, then go ahead. Answer that phone one time when he calls, and you will probably get exactly the information that you're looking for...that he hasn't changed at all and never will and then you start moving on when you see that.

Agree with Michelle115......it is very dangerous. And honestly if breaking NC really helped.....those that have already done so would feel BETTER, not WORSE. It just fuels the CD further, IMO. I think it is not in anyone's best interest to try this. And IF you are completely over it, accepted it, have no feeling left......then I really don't see WHY you'd wanna break NC just because..... Just my 2 cents! xoxo, steph

I dabbled for a very long time off and on...but the damage done, takes you back steps... If you've had nc it takes you right back there... Nothing moves them...you're better off talking to a wall. They have no feelings, they do not attach, cannot relate. AND you only see the insanity once you've really accepted it. If you don't own it yet...highly UNrecommended. This only works when you really have a grasp and have accepted it and he can't hurt you but if there is an ounce of feeling left...if you're still sensitive, it can screw you up bad. Let the risk taker beware...

Maybe this could help me? I didn't get the D and D. My relationship with the N was intercepted by my husband (I was separated at the time and I've written about this in an earlier post). I came to the conclusion that this man was an N based on what he did to me the first time (25 years earlier when NPD was unheard of) and his unusual behaviour this time (17 months ago). Because he never got as far as the D and D, we remained in the honeymoon stage this time. Although my head tells me this was an illusion, there is still a piece of my stupid heart that won't let go. Everything has been made worse today and I had though I was nearly over it. My son goes to the same uni where the N and I originally met. I had to pick up my son for the end of term today. All my early memories came cascading back colliding with the recent ones. Maybe if I call him and just hear him say that I mean absolutely nothing to him, I will truly face the devil and be free! Today is a bad day for me.

I will never get closure from my narc in spite of 1 Easter card and 2 postcards to the man, but since he is running away like a scared little 2 year old, so afraid of a 5'2 '' petite woman. I will just let him run and all that glitters you crack me about about your comment staring at thanks for the laugh I am still struggling right now and needed that!!

I don't think there should be any hard and fast, one rule fits all thing. What would be a good course of action for one woman, could be a disaster for another. Some women are stronger than others. If I had to talk with my narc, I think I could do it, and be none the worse for wear - but writing is really my forte, and I do know how to hit my narc where he lives! See: http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2011/06/16/tempted-write-him#comment-127778. I say, if you think you can handle it, go for it! If not, if the prospect is too much for you - don't! UIltimately you have listen to and know yourself. My feeling is, you need to get out those negative and hostile emotions. You may not affect the narc any, but you will help yourself heal and move on. the times I've written and blasted my narc, I felt so much better afterwards, and better able to let him go. I think at this point, I'm close to being indifferent, so the prospect of contacting at this point is pretty much a I can take it or leave it proposition. Either way, I'm good!

nice to have permission to do so from the NC chief of police (smile). really. that actually takes some of the power out of it. i had 18 1/2 closure conversations over the two years we were involved. Shoot, if that didn't close it up right proper, ain't nothin' gonna do the trick. (((hugs and thanks)))