TWO Years Later: Update

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#1 Jun 18 - 10PM

baddream

TWO Years Later: Update

I haven't been on this forum in a very, very long time. It looks all different and I'm not sure where I am supposed to write, but I think I am "Step 6" -- all healed.

I have not exchanged any words, texts, letters, gifts, or anything else, absolute NO Contact for 2 years.... and then...

A package arrived today from my ex-N bearing all kinds of little gifts..... SHOCKING.

I am posting this on the forum to demonstrate that once we are with these sick individuals, some of them will never, ever truly let go of us--- even after NO Contact. That is why it is so important for us all to make the contract with No contact, and keep it no matter what.

Things will get better as time passes. I am totally back to my old self. When I opened the package today I was shocked by its arrival, but inside of me there was a void where there once was a certain kind of craziness. I looked at the contents of the package with a kind of scientific interest. What was he thinking when he sent it? Hoping to start anew? Is he short on narcissistic supply? Quite possibly.

I do not know why I ever had this man in my life, and I can barely remember the weak person I had become.

To my friends who are still on this forum, I hope you are all well and are in a good place in your healing.

My very best.

#2 Jun 21 - 12AM

Arwen

I have to say I am curious

I have to say I am curious about what was in the box. :-)

#3 Jun 21 - 12AM

HesAnOldWashedU...

I Was Like What?

Oh My...Yea. My Turd "N" Had The Balldasity To Send Slippers. I Was Like What The ??? Just A Complete Shit. Loser. He Can Die Now..

#4 Jun 20 - 10PM

Amazed

Baddream thank you for sharing

OMG I cannot believe exN sent you a package,,that is ludicrous...you had the right approach,,scientific, and one not to fall in... I think I was here back in the day, about 2 years NC as well, and check back in every now and again and to offer support...it is a real eye opener that these creeps continue to try and exploit and use their victims, and why it is important to have that guard up..sounds like you handled it like a pro...: ) amen

#5 Jun 20 - 7AM

djae

Thanks for the encouragement.

Thanks for the encouragement. There really is a light at the end of the tunnel and you are proof of that! I hope someday to reach that point but for now I just take it one day at a time.

#6 Jun 20 - 1AM

michele115 (not verified)

Congrats

And thank you so much for coming back to share... Hugs!

#7 Jun 19 - 8PM

wacaet

thank you so much for coming

thank you so much for coming back and sharing this with us

#8 Jun 19 - 8AM

onwithmylife

Baddream

I do remember you as I am nearly 2 years on this board, and happy to hear you are doing well. it has been a slower and more arduous recovery for me largely due to a weak support system and not meeting any guy yet, else to feel comfortable with but I trudge along and did have mail contact with him for the past year or so, but no more. All my best to you and I look froward to feeling like you do one day!!

#9 Jun 20 - 4PM (Reply to #15)

baddream

We each heal at our own pace.

We each heal at our own pace. You will know when you are totally 100% ready to let go. I remember the back & forth, the e-mails and the texts. I couldn't let go. Then one day I woke up and had enough-- the thought of him truly turned my stomach... The anger that I felt became my impetus, and when I "woke up" from it, I felt like I had run a marathon. I was physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted.

#10 Jun 19 - 8AM

adoette

baddream

THANK YOU for coming back and sharing about your recovery AND about the strange arrival of gifts. Really, what an encouragement to hear from you. I know I'll get there, but the more I hear from others who are THERE, the more hope I feel. (((hugs 2 u)))

#11 Jun 19 - 5AM

Journey

Great news! So nice to hear

Great news! So nice to hear that stage 6 is attainable lol! Thanks for sharing and it is so odd that he sent you that package. It makes me wonder, did he think the past two years of no contact were only 2 weeks? It seems they have little concept of time passing in our lives, as if we are frozen in time since they last saw us. Journey on... :)

Journey on...

#12 Jun 19 - 6AM (Reply to #12)

baddream

I do not think narcissists

I do not think narcissists perceive time the way we do. Rather, they cycle through it. Everything is measured in terms of relative supply.

#13 Jun 19 - 2AM

Alisa

Two years. Wow. That's crazy,

Two years. Wow. That's crazy, considering there has been absolutely no contact.

#14 Jun 19 - 5AM (Reply to #10)

baddream

Once we are food for a

Once we are food for a narcissist, we will always be so. Sometimes they come back to feed when they are really, really hungry. I do not think there is a time limit on this..

#15 Jun 19 - 1AM

Arwen

Wow thank you for this

Wow thank you for this inspiration!!!

#16 Jun 19 - 12AM

Done sourcing

There is good stuff for us

There is good stuff for us after the narc is gone. Noticing a void where there once was craziness, so cool. "I can barely remember the weak person I had become". I hope everyone on this site reads this over the next couple of days.

#17 Jun 18 - 11PM

empath

thanks baddream!

baddream said: "I do not know why I ever had this man in my life, and I can barely remember the weak person I had become." I am very much looking forward to being able to say that too! Thank you so much for coming back from the great beyond to share your success with us who are still in the earlier stages of our healing. 2 months NC for me, after 6 years of being Narced. Last week I finally realized it was time to delete his info from my email contacts and cell phone. It was time, it didn't hurt or make me sad, and it actually felt good. Liberating. There is no reason for me to hang on to his info, since I am committed to staying NC for good. There is no reason for me to "stay connected" and keep accidentally triggering myself by seeing his name come up in auto-complete when I am typing emails. The N. is now that much closer to being completely GONE from my consciousness. As much as NC has involved difficult moments...it is a gift to have my mind freed up from the cognitive dissonance of trying to process and rationalize the manipulative, crazymaking behavior. I wasn't sure when I went NC if I was going to survive the sense of hurt and loss and finality...and then one day, simply as a result of shielding yourself from all of the N's abuse, you realize you've broken through the darkness and are back into the light. I was so brainwashed and if I had stayed, I'd only have gone deeper and deeper into his clutches which would have made it that much more difficult to break free someday. It is SO much better to not be on the mental merry-go-round anymore! No more scrambled eggs! No more word salad! It feels good to be able to be myself again. To be good enough again. To not have to walk on eggshells anymore. To not be on his timetable and catering to his needs anymore. I have caught myself wishing that I had devoted as much care and energy towards myself, as I had to the N...then I remind myself that I was reacting to being manipulated by an abusive, controlling, disordered person devoid of all empathy and conscience. It's "ME!" time now. It was either him or me, and I am glad to have ME back! :) (((hugs)))

#18 Jun 20 - 4PM (Reply to #6)

rosedewittbukater

Back into the light

"...and then one day, simply as a result of shielding yourself from all of the N's abuse, you realize you've broken through the darkness and are back into the light" God in heaven I can't wait for that day. Good for you, deleting him from your contacts. I cannot seem to be able to bring myself to do this yet - though I know that I should. Still feeling so much CD. I'm always happy to read about folks getting to this stage in their recovery. ...Rose

#19 Jun 19 - 5AM (Reply to #5)

baddream

To move forward and free

To move forward and free ourselves from the narcissist we must first understand what they are. Even more important (and difficult) is what must come next and that is internalizing what we know and being able to act on it. You are well on your way! Six years is a long time, so glad you are enjoying "ME" again..

#20 Jun 18 - 11PM

nancyh

Baddream, thank you for

Baddream, thank you for taking the time to come back and post this. So many on here, myself included wonder if & when the N will ever come back & because knowledge is power knowing they may come back 2 years after NC is scary, but worth it's weight in gold. I congratulate you on your indifference, NC and escaping the N's grasp/power/control. I am 6 months NC and counting. You are an inspiration to me. Nan

Nan

#21 Jun 19 - 6AM (Reply to #2)

baddream

Good luck to you! WOW, 6

Good luck to you! WOW, 6 months-- Nan-- you are going to do it! This forum was a godsend for me.. Better than any therapy would have been, I do not know where I would have been without it.

#22 Jun 20 - 2PM (Reply to #3)

spinning

bad dream, thank you

for sharing. It totally sounds like you have awakened from your bad dream...I am slowly waking up, too. Six years in, 7.5 months total NC and looking forward to the day where 'the weak person I became' is a bad dream, too. Thank you again. Peace and love to you and all who stop here from, (not) spinning. IT'S NO LONGER AN OPTION. I REJECT ALL CHAOS AND CONFUSION. THE FREAK IS A BAD, BAD DREAM.

spinning

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