wow

His world will crash and burn over and over. he might have sensed your emotional distancing which is very hard to disguise. they throw out the old and welcome the new and then around mid-50's they blow up all over the place. It is natural to wonder about his creating a 'better world' so quickly. that is an example of how they don't have normal emotions they intellectualize everything. you are so lucky you were smart enough to recognize the fear based feelings you had when you were with him and leave. You have a much better life now and the things you want are things he can never have including success in jobs, relationships, bonding, real friends, it is a long list. they can only pretend and then move on.

He used me sexually and never thought twice about it. I had devoted 7 years to this jerk. Hi Betteroff, I finally have some time to share some insights with you. The only role we differ in our experience was I wasnt his live in gf, I was a woman he was involved with for over three years on the side, I find it interesting however that we were still more or less treated the same way. I got lured into the pathological relationship with lies and his pretend image he portrayed initially in the beginning, he wasnt real content with his Girlfriend, the relationship was not really going anywhere, that he and I had so much more in common his gf had her place and he had his and they more or less dated and did some things together this was what I was told, he gave me the impression he really wasnt too serious with his current relationship, and did not vest much into it. So with his psychopathic skills, at the time I was married to a very verbally abusive man and my marriage was horrible. This man looked like an angel compared to what I was enduring in my marriage. NEVER NEVER cheated in all the 23 years of my marriage. I fell deeply in love thinking of a great life I could share with this man that had so much in common with me (oh brother) I am not a woman that ever ever pursued a man that was married or was in a serious relationship, simply because I would not like it done to me and its undermining and simply WRONG So about 4-6 months into the LD relationship he would throw comments at me like did you and your husband ever swap? I laughed and said, are you kidding me, NO WAY, why would you think that? My marriage is so awful I havent even had sex for the last year let alone do that. I dismissed the question thinking weird, asked him if that is what he was into and he said, no never tried it (ya right I laugh now) Well we saw each other every month for about a year, and the comments he would say during our sex turned more and more perverted each time. During intimacy he would say, I would love to have me and another man please you, you would love that, or wouldnt you love to have two d--ks in your p---y at the same time, wouldnt that be the ultimate, I thought ya ultimate pain, NO THANKS, he was into golden showers too, had lots of sex fetishes wanted me to keep my arm pit hair long like a mans, said his fantasy would be for me to urinate on his d--k and stomach and neck, wanted me to practice aiming in the shower, of course wanted me and another woman, or us and another couple, or two other couples, tried to send me to gay bars to pick up people who did it both ways, men or women, would give me a 100 and say here go to the gay bar and get someone for us, didnt matter the age, sex, if they were attractive or ugly, he didnt care, comments like just get some stupid bitch drunk and bring her back here, we can---k the shit out of her then throw her out and talk about it, age group would be from 16 - 60 he didnt care, this man is 54 years old by the way. If you get someone that is just gay you can watch him s--k my thingy or watch me jack him off and you could masturbate while watching us. I mean over a period of three years it escalated to this in the end and he did it very very slowly, tried brainwashing me into participating in these sick acts (NO I NEVER DID AND THANK GOD) I did small things that freaked me out like growing my arm pit hairs, (that was really weird) everyday he would call and try to train me to masturbate daily thinking of all the things we could share together sexually, his big thing was wanting me to pick up a man or woman and telling him all the details, he would call me and masturbate on the phone while listening to my voice, or call me like I was a sex hot line and say some pretty hard core things, another one of his huge fantasies was ejaculating into me then watching another woman go down on me and not tell her he just did that. Always tried to set me up with a friend of his to have sex with while he just watched, he even called this man once while we were in the middle of being intimate, making groaning noises over the phone to his friend. Pissed me off and he got mad because I didnt get into it. That about covers it betteroff, so ya mine was just a tad perverted too you might say. I was conned, lured, brainwashed into believing he loved me, then the mask came off and I saw that his ONLY purpose he had for me was to use me for my attractiveness, to bring him potential other sexual victims. I have a college degree, I am talented, I dont know what this man saw in my that exuded WHORE because I dress refined, came from a respectable family, had a good sound moral upbringing, and he treated me as if he picked me up on some street corner. I think I hung on sooo long wanting him to see me for the decent person I wanted him to see me as, I was pretty much thrown to the curb after he got tired of waiting for me to bring him what he wanted, if I hadnt changed my cell number the sick man would still be calling me telling me how much I meant to him and how he couldnt wait to stick his thing in my mouth when he saw me again. I know that is what I wanted out of a relationship, you bet sick sex, just what I need in my life (NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) If you would like to share what you experienced and feel comfortable doing so dont be ashamed, none of this was our fault, we just crossed the path of a disturbed person in our life and learning to find a way to ACCEPT what it turned into and what he truly was will take me many years to accomplish. I am learning to live with what happened to me and that is a start, to be able to function again, work again, find happy moments in my life again, the things that once gave me joy. Some of the damage is starting to heal, but ever so slowly. It took two years of intensive counseling to get this far, I am about half way there

I'm sorry. You must be very frustrated, sick, heartbroken, and a little scared. I know what you mean about having the dearest friends on here! I never would have imagined that people whom I have never met would be more than helpful in this time of hurting...a hurt so deep and cutting, its hard to breathe at times. Maggie it will get better. Not only that but there will be a day when you are crying happy tears that your life is finally on the right track and you realize you are gaining your independence. Don't be in a hurry to get there.....it will happen; let yourself feel all the emotions and go through the the steps. I benefited from looking at the change in personalities as a death. I mourned for pretend guy. But he's dead. I had to bury him. Now there is a controling, manipulative and cold thing in my life who is unfortunately the father of my child. Stay here. This site has helped me more than anything....be gentle with yourself. This journey is difficult, scary, and full of ups and downs. Hug! http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview nolongercontrolled

Mine was Extremely perverted sexually, when you have time to settle in with our site please share some of your experiences, if you feel comfortable, Just would like to compare notes and see the degree of perversion we tolerated, When you are ready I can share a few of my stories, I am sure you will read somet of them of previous posts with my name, welcome to a place where you will heal!!!!!

It has been almost a year since the man I spent off and on 15 years with moved to another state, even though we had talked about moving together,it has been the longest battle of my life and I consider myself a strong woman,I fell deeply in love with this man and did everyhting humanely possible to make it work, even though for me it was like walking on eggshells, I met with a counselor for two months, have wonderful Lisa's support, and am only now breaking though all the horrible pain of his upping and leaving with no caring if I was dead or alive, these men are inhuman and I know he may have his new house but i believe his life is a living hell for me beautiflu scenery or not.No one knows him,not even himself. It will get better for you,get a good coun seler and just hang in there.Now I look real hard for character and integrity of a man and what is realtionship is like with his mother!.All the best!

Maggie , one month on is hard i remember it well , every waking hour was filed with mad swings of emotion , crying and a feeling i never thought i could feel .I would wake up in the morning and for a split second feel ok and then it all hit me and i would cry till lunch (i wasnt working at the time ) I would walk around with my head like a fog , i would foget things that had just happened , i lost the car all the time as i just couldnt remember where the hell i parked ,i was in my own head . All this worryed me so much i thought i was loosing my mind . I learnt though through this site it is perfectly normal . You are in the right place , read everything , im 5 months on and i still read and learn . Welcome , the women on here are amazing and we get each other through .We also try and have a laugh along the way you will proberly come accross the "Chicken fucker gate " posts as you read .Ill say again READ and POST ! Big Love to you Scoop x

Welcome to our forum. We're so glad you're here. I know the pain is excuciating right now. Just remember as much as it seems like his life is improving, it's not. He will repeat the same cycle with every woman he dates. Trust me. They do not change. Their life is pathetic and empty and you are so much better off now that he is out of your life. Be patient with yourself as you heal. It will take time. I'm not going to kid you about that, but in time, you will get enough distance from the situation to put it in perspective and realize what a horrible situation you were in and be glad you're out of it. They brainwash us. I know it sounds dramatic, but it's true. They are master manipulators and really establish mind control over us. It will take time to deprogram, but you will and you will be so much happier. Like you said, you always had a sick feeling in your stomach with him. You never felt connected. You don't want to live your life like that. You deserve so much more and there are men out there capable of genuine love. Take some time for yourself right now to heal and down the road, you will be so glad you are available to meet someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Hang in there and know we are all here for you. Big Hugs, Lisa

Hi, I know what you mean there..i am 8 months on and still practically paralysed. It's such a struggle to think that i was so loved yet so discarded and was used to fill a void. Problem was that i was too challenging for him. I've learnt so much and i can't wait for the distance to be greater between this life experience and ther rest of it. The days go by and hopefully it will soon be in the distant past. I remember a month after d&d and i never want to feel like that again. It was shock a lot of the time actually. walking around like a zombie and still treating him like he was a real person. I was walking prey as we all are.