A conversation with mum

Hope that she gets sick of talking about him. You have done everything that you possibly can to remove him from your orbit so my friend that is all you can do for the time being. Like you, I have discovered too, that it takes time and maybe longer than we ever anticipated. But I am glad it is over and can move onto better things - and that doesn't just mean men either. The sun has even come out here to support my new found energy. Take care. Dee x

And I realise, yet again, and as I often do, how very very fortunate I was in the parents I had. Both my parents are now dead, but not a day passes but I remember them. My Dad was an extraordinary man, and they were both so balanced and sensible, and no way would they condone abuse of any kind. They were an "older" generation but they were very enlightened. I suppose they had both lived before marrying (my mother was 34 when she married and Dad was 40, both for the first and only time). My father had a bee in his bonnet that EVERY woman should have a career, an education, because as he sensibly said, "all kinds of things can happen in life". One could, for example, become widowed before time, or a husband could become very ill, etc. The only glitch (LOL) in my life was five years at a Catholic convent boarding school. It was dire! Hermes

Snap - but coffee not tea. I am in rainy Hertfordshire. Which side of London are you? I wished I had realised that therapy would have helped me when I was 28 - my life would have been entirely different. I am 54 now. Yes, my life has all been about forgive and forget, always someone's caretaker and so consequently never considered my own feelings or the impact, (feelings, what are they?). Push it all down kind of philosophy. And all because I was never taught how to fully respect myself or impose healthy boundaries within my FOO. Whoever shouted the loudest always got heard and as I was Little Miss Invisible it was never me. The only thing I did get taught was that when it all got too much then react and not in a healthy manner. I went through therapy about 18 months ago and like you, initially about boundaries too - opened my eyes and have never looked back. Enabled me to finally walk away from the exP but I feel that I need a little more to move me forward again - the final push to reach the summit. I feel that as we get older we learn to forgive our parents for the damage because ultimately they were only doing the best they could (in most instances). Parents are only people and some people are just down right nasty. And again, until we ourselves are ready to walk away from whatever situation we find ourselves in, whatever anybody else tells us falls on deaf ears. My mother was an enabler too - histrionics followed by the calm, sweet wife and then all started over again, and again, and again. My parents had both died by the time I was 25 and I forgave them a long time ago. I had no option otherwise I would have been far worse off than where I am now. Dee - off to make another coffee, more ciggies, more posts and then whatever occurs on this rainy Saturday in Hertfordshire. Love Dee x