Tough night

15 posts / 0 new

#1 Dec 6 - 11AM

Gravity

Tough night

So last night a guy friend that I had confided in about my ex-psycho blew up at me when we got into an argument and called me a "stupid effing c*nt" about 5 times and to get out of his house and never come back.

In my eyes, he's done. Firstly, I did not say anything to provoke this. Secondly, after everything I've learned, speaking to someone in this manner no matter WHAT they havw done is a true reflection on THEIR character not mine.

I had drank some wine, but I did not want to spend the night.. and I drove home. I got pulled over for speeding, got a 250 dollar ticket, and found that I had an unpaid ticket from before that I hadn't paid off and had my license suspended. They also smelled the alcohol on me and I had to take a field sobriety test which I passed thank GOD. Luckily they didn't take me out in handcuffs and the cops were super nice. I paid off mostly everything today and it should be fine.. but in total it cost me close to 600 dollars.

I just feel like i'm at a point where I'm paying for everything now that I neglected while with the psycho. I feel like when I was with him, I forgot that there was a world that needed to be attended to. I feel like I woke up from my addiction to him to find such a big mess that I had left for myself.

I'm sick of narcissistic men. They are all the same. My guy friend has an ex-girlfriend that he treats like absolute garbage. I've finally put all the pieces together with them now. He was blatantly using me for supply and dangling me in front of his ex-girlfriend to make her jealous.

I'm SICK of my narcissistic dad, my narcissistic brother, my narcissistic exes and friends. I'm sick of this being the only thing I've ever known. I'm sick of the fact that my whole life I've never really known who I am because I've always had everyone telling me. I am so much bigger than this, and recognize when someone treats you poorly it is genuinely a reflection on THEM not you. I would NEVER ever treat anyone in this manner no matter what I had gone through in my life.

I'm just SO ready to be different. I'm so ready for my new life to start. I just need to clean up all of this garbage first.

#2 Dec 7 - 2AM

Sea

Yes you are READY!

Love what you said "I'm just SO ready to be different. I'm so ready for my new life to start. I just need to clean up all of this garbage first." You are out of the fog and all ready to start afresh! Go for it Lady! You can do it!! You will be beautiful, lovely, and everything you are before the N came and make it all bleak. He's like a dark cloud. Once, he moves aside, you will see light, a nice rainbow then beautiful sunshine.

#3 Dec 6 - 6PM

juliamarie

Wake Up Call!!

Yep...you have some house cleaning to do, my friend. You have some Narcs in your life that you either need to dispose of immediately or set some serious boundaries. It's not going to be easy, but you can do it. Your new life starts now. That is the beauty of life...you can choose to start over at any time. I'm sorry your wake up call was somewhat startling....but I think it was necessary for you to see that you need to make some serious changes. Get moving! I eliminated several bad friends in my process, and I can honestly say, I don't miss them. Hugs!

#4 Dec 6 - 9PM (Reply to #13)

Gravity

juliamarie

absolutely. I had some signs in the past that this particular friend was toxic but I kept making excuses for him because I know he's had a really hard life. Same story different verse. The difference is, with the ex-psycho I let it go on for a year. With this particular friend, he's gonzo after 3 months! I feel like i've learned to recognize when people genuinely exhibit behavior that is an extremely poor reflection on the person they are.

#5 Dec 6 - 1PM

Done sourcing

Your new life has started.

Your new life has started. When we heal we can stop looking back, it is a nasty habit born of the time spent in chaos, walking on eggshells, worrying endlessly about what terror will come next. A little ptsd is normal, and the best cure is to keep moving forward, momentum creates momentum. Cleaning up the wreckage from carnage is what sane people do. We have to get our own houses in order, so there is some cleaning up to do. No big deal, one day at a time we grow. ds

#6 Dec 6 - 2PM (Reply to #11)

Gravity

DS

This made me feel so happy when I read it! Thanks again for all of your continued support. It makes me feel sane.. which is the opposite of what I felt every second that I spent with him. xooxoxo

#7 Dec 6 - 12PM

Blessed

Wow! This stood out to

Wow! This stood out to me: "I'm sick of the fact that my whole life I've never really known who I am because I've always had everyone telling me. I am so much bigger than this, and recognize when someone treats you poorly it is genuinely a reflection on THEM not you. " Light bulb moment? Heed those words and seize your future. Be who YOU wish to be and design your life around YOU, for YOU. Thanks for sharing and for this inspiration.

#8 Dec 6 - 12PM

Sparrow

Some times we have to take a

Some times we have to take a few trips to hell and back before we decide we don't like that trip any more. Sounds like you are at that point. Good for you! Now you can truly start your journey............ And as far as being called a "C" 5 times by that so called friend........he is TOXIC, cut him loose! Stray strong!

#9 Dec 6 - 12PM (Reply to #8)

Gravity

Sparrow

100% agree. Absolutely toxic.. and he and I have a purely platonic relationship. At least from my end anyways. It's so clear that he is disordered. He is cut from my life, I blocked him today. Unfortunately he is roommates with my best friend, but she and I decided we were going to have to meet up at different locations besides her apartment. Thanks SO much as always for your continued support! xoxoxoxo

#10 Dec 6 - 12PM

walking_on_sunshine

Garbage day

Funny you post about cleaning up unattended garbage, because this is exactly what I've been thinking today. Yet, knowing there are things I must do in order to move forward, calls to make, actions I must take, I still sit here paralyzed. Ive grown so accustomed to being so grossly betrayed and disapointed due to his actions that I am fearing the outcome of every action I know I must now take. Truthfully, I am enjoying the stillness, the quietness, the solitude, the temporary escape from the multitude of problems that Ive collected from that Narcissistic Tornado of masochism and sadism. Just do it, Just do it, I tell myself this, and then sometimes it works. Think about the relief that comes once loose ends get tied up.

#11 Dec 6 - 12PM (Reply to #6)

Gravity

walking_on_sunshine

I know exactly how you feel. For as long as I was with him.. "it was all about him." Not me. Not any one but him. And know that it's back to being about me.. It's so hard to face because I know I have neglected SO many aspects of myself and my life that desperately needed tending to. You're right .. it's like NIKE.. just do it! JUST DO IT! xoxoxo

#12 Dec 6 - 12PM

really

That truly sounds like a

That truly sounds like a night from hell. BUT, your attitude is amazing and outlook is perfect for getting things back in order. I hear you completely about how the rest of life was put on hold while you tended to the needs of the N. I was fixing up a house, running my own business, finishing my MBA, and trying to keep 'normal' life going. But even with all that going on, all of which were decisions I made for myself when he wasn't a part of my life, I still somehow put him at the top of the heap!!! It's amazing that my business is still going, my MBA is done successfully, the house is still in process but I'm in the details now, and my life is back in one piece. ALL suffered, though, in his presence. You will get through this. Attack one thing at a time. In a way, it is fortunate for you that you were stopped last night to 'force' you to face these items and take a second look at things. Be patient with yourself, though, and remember that you've been through a terrible thing and ANY progress is good progress toward a better life.

#13 Dec 6 - 12PM (Reply to #4)

Gravity

really

Absolutely. My N's needs were first for the whole past year. And who was taking care of my needs? No one. And it's so true.. despite what I have gone through with him (which was HELL ON EARTH) I still perservered. I had to see him every morning because he was on the same campus as me. I haven't spoken to him in months, but seeing him every morning made me feel sick to my stomach at the start to every day. I was suffering flashbacks each morning before school. Despite this, I stayed in school and I only have one more semester to go. Despite the fact that every thing has fallen apart.. i'm still here. Thank you SO SO much for the support.. it means more than you know. xoxoxox

#14 Dec 6 - 11AM

GeorgiaGirl

Give up the men!

You have so much FOO yet to be resolved that you shouldn't even have guy friends at this point, Gravity. It sounds like what happened last night was one HELL of a wake up call...are you going to heed it? The price for not listening could well be paid with your life next time. Drinking & driving...are you kidding me? I'm angry just reading that!! You have SO much life to look forward to and it seems that you are wasting the opportunity.

#15 Dec 6 - 12PM (Reply to #2)

Gravity

GeorgiaGirl

Luckily it was only a glass and a half of wine, but nonetheless not a smart decision. I was planning on sleeping over and after him kicking me out I had no choice. Still a consequence of my own actions which was allowing him in my life/allowing myself to get to this point to begin with. But yes, guy friends right now seem to be nothing but trouble. Absolutely need to stay away from the male population for quite some time. I do have soo much life to look forward to, and it's all going to be okay. Thanks for the support! xoxooxoxo

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