Addiction?

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#1 Jan 24 - 5PM

Jax

Addiction?

I read something really interesting here, on a post. They said to not start something with a narc because the addiction would start. That started me thinking about the topic of addiction. Do the manipulations of a PD cause the addictive behavior or is the addiction already there and it just gets triggered? I hope this question makes sense. I'm asking this in the hopes of understanding my own behavior, so that this never happens again.

#2 Jan 25 - 11AM

Recovering Suzie

why can't I let go?

This speaks to the problem I’m having. NH has been dead for 21 months. I’m in a new relationship – This guy has his own problems, but he’s not NPD. He’s crazy about me and very supportive. My counselor and I both think that this relationship has helped me heal – it provided sort of a soft landing. It has also helped him deal with unresolved feelings from his divorce, and I hope helped him realize that he is lovable. Problem is that I have always had one foot in and one foot out of the relationship. I know and have known for a long time that it should end. We’ve gone as far as we can go. I need to release this guy and give him a chance to find the real thing. But I can’t. I go over the words I need to say to him in my head over and over. I care for him, but I am not ready, nor do I want anything more. I still don’t trust my own sense of what is real; I am still unable to trust. I am not ready to let go and therefore, I cannot ‘fall’. I can love, but I cannot fall in love. Why can’t I end this relationship? I’m not afraid to be on my own, I have tons of friends, family. I’m not dependent on him financially or in any other way. I just can’t walk away; I can’t stand the thought of hurting him or breaking his heart. I was ready to leave my NH when he died, but it took him getting arrested to get me to that point. What is wrong with me that I can’t walk away? Suzie

#3 Jan 25 - 8AM

gratefuljen

I think people like us were primmed for the n/p

I hope you all don't get pissed at me for this, but healthy whole people don't put up with the n/p for very long. My "it" saw my weakness, saw the holes in my soul, but he also saw the strengths and he went in for the kill! I am stronger, more whole than I ever would have been if I would have never have met "it"! I also am a recovering alky and addict. Jen

#4 Jan 25 - 7PM (Reply to #7)

gettinbetter

Awesome Greatfuljen

You are exactly correct! Emotionally healthy people dont put up with their shit. Sorry people they just dont. The people who become most addicted to these freaks are the codependents. It is the codependent that will go to all new lows to stay with these freaks. On the same note, It is the Codependent that the Narc feels most comfortable with. It is the Codependent that at some point the Narc always returns to over and over though sometimes there are many years in between. I think honestly it is because both are core wounded however it has manifest differently. The Narc and the codependent recognize eachother and find a dysfunctional comfort in eachother. Both fight for control of one another. I am a codependent who often thought she might be a narc. I know I am not because I am overly empathetic and can often feel others pain. I am a compulsive fixer but if im honest the root of my "fixing" is control. Much like a Narc I look outside of myself for happiness.

#5 Jan 26 - 2AM (Reply to #8)

midnight7

However, unlike the

However, unlike the narcissist the codependent has the ability to recognise they have a problem, come to self-awareness, gain knowledge, process this with (professional) assistance/tools until they are beyond codependency.

#6 Jan 25 - 12PM (Reply to #6)

Jax

Honesty is good

Thank you for your honesty, I'm really touched by all of the very perceptive and helpful comments regarding this post. I did cringe at the sentence that healthy whole people don't put up with the n/p for very long, but its that kind of honesty that will keep me on track. I'll remember that sentence when and if another IT comes along.

#7 Jan 25 - 7AM

greengirl91

For me personally, I can tell

For me personally, I can tell for certain the addict in me was arleady there! :) For a long time actually. I always knew, that I had a thing to get lost in things, whether it would be drugs, or anything. And I knew that when I would fall for someone, I would REALLY fall you know. I don`t "fall" often but when I do :)) God help me. Well not anymore, because I`m doing my best to help myself not to be in that "puppet" role ever again. It is like when you put two addicts one next to another, whether it`s chemistry or something else, I felt like on "familiar ground", like all these people woke up some sides inside myself. But with such a price!! Addict or not addict, you have to choose what is healthy for you, if you want to live healthy.

#8 Jan 24 - 11PM

emtg

Addiction and such

I think for various reasons, the people on this board are susceptible in some way to the pd and entering into the relationshit and staying in it. These interactions only foster with addiction and I think that forms by being and staying in a relationship with a pd person. I don't think it is that the addiction was there necessarily but I think the susceptibility to letting go of reality and buying into this relationship and becoming addicted was there - and that we have to figure out why that is in order to make sure it never happens again!

#9 Jan 25 - 7AM (Reply to #3)

Winter

Totally agree with you Emtg

I think the predisposition to the emotional addiction is more likely to be a part of this process. Like for the alcohol. Like I know, I can't be addicted to the alcohol. I can drink but for some reason will never become addicted. I am "just not that into it". Similar to some people: they will face narcs, get involved, hurt and then will just leave them and recover quite fast. They don't become addicted. I personally knew one girl involved with a narc. At first D&D she run away like crazy and said to me: "Winter, I need to protect myself, he scares me". She never came back. The NC did not take her an effort. She basically went NC without knowing what it is. It was her very natural and organic behaviour. And now I also know that I am susceptible to all this PD and narc crap. Interesitng observations and very interesting topic! Thank you Jax! Love Winter

#10 Jan 24 - 6PM

Hunter

Idealize, devalue,

Idealize, devalue, discard.. During the honeymoon stage .. It's pure heaven.. It's like your first high off a crack pipe. Then look what happens.. During the phase of idealization the Psychopath digs deep into our souls.. The know how to find the weak spot .. So what we do we trust them, we think the love us for all the good and bad we carry.. Once the D&D begins the idealization is lost forever :(.. So we are addicted to what was once good in hopes to get it back.. Just like smoking crack.. However it takes more and more to get high, more drugs, more, money , ore time.. The list goes on and on.. The love we thought we had made us high.. Make sense?? Hunter

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