I wanted to say something additional to all this, for you snowflake, to maybe think about.
I sometimes still cry...not over the ex N. Not over the ex N BEFORE him. But, I cry because when I read these stories...or I think about what I went through, it takes me back to where the pain all began. My childhood. I have healed a lot over all this, but there's still this small portion of my heart, that aches over being abused as a kid. Growing ''accustomed'' to being mistreated. And dare I say...I think if another narc if he were slick enough...might be able to whisk me away again on a weak day. But, what you struggle with, perhaps, isn't just your ex. It's what he REPRESENTED for you. How you still crave maybe something from your childhood? That you're still seeking. I am just guessing, but I throw this out to you, because I know that I still have 'shit days,' and it has nothing to do with the ex N's. It has to do with WHY I chose to be with them, to begin with.
Just some food for thought, sweetie. {{hugs}}
you sound like a repeat of my therapy session today. we all have to deal with our own "core" issues as well...very well may have a part to play in the whole relationship with the narcissist...doesn't excuse or justify his actions of abuse by NO MEANS...just simply in dealing with our own "stuff" we may find more understanding.
Could help with the "why" in "Why" would we put up with their shit for so long?
-fefe
aw snowflake, i'm sorry.
i honestly never felt like texting the asshole out of the blue last year, after we broke up. but what would happen is...he'd bait me...lying to others about me on his facebook...i'd find out...then i'd text him. then he'd insult me...calling me names. this pattern continued for a little while, not very long. until i wised up and realized...this man will never apologize...this is all a game...and i need to shut this chapter of this book.
then, when he'd try to bait me (this actually went on til the holidays last year, and we broke up LAST SPRING lol) i'd pretend i had a crystal ball...and if i text this jerk, what is that going to look like. and that would keep me from texting.
so he baited...and texted me...and baited...and talked about me on facebook, etc. and i stayed NC.
I have no idea what he's up to now...and don't care. But...when you are tempted, snowflake...fast forward to what exactly contact might look like, if you send that text you so badly want to send. i think this will prevent you from doing it.
hang tough girlie!!!
"Baited" is the perfect term to describe their behavior when they try to blackmail you or devalue...in other words put you down to others..(tell their lies about you behind your back!) and secretly want a reaction from you.....what jerks...you are right on with your insight...keep it coming ! :)
There were numerous times....and I still do this.....where I go to bed as early as 730 just to end the day......
You do whatever you have to do......it's called survival...
Stay NC!!!!
Good nite
xoxo
Snowflake hang in there!
Get away from the computer if you need to.
Print off some supportive messages and posts from here, leave your phone at home and go for a LONG walk with those messages in hand and read them over and over and over until the urge passes!
I felt the same way yesterday. I didn't write, fell asleep and woke up this morning thanking God that I didn't. I would have felt like complete shit. Just sit tight. Read read read and rest assured the feeling WILL pass. They suck!
I am fighting..the times when I feel sad are awful..I know I dont miss HIM but try telling me heart that..it behaves like someone just died and I feel stricken when it happens x
Snowflake, someone did die. So your feelings are dead on. The illusion died. The man he pretended to be is no longer here. And will never be returning. So yes, it is a death, and one that must be mourned.
I know how very anxious you are to heal. Everyone wants to heal yesterday, and I can't blame them for that. But unfortunately, it doesn't happen over night. It can't, by design, it can't. Too much needs to fall into place through your healing. It's important that it all falls into it's place.
Think of it along these terms. You have a beautiful cut of steak to prepare for dinner. And you have two choices. If in a hurry, you can season it and microwave it, so you can sit down and eat within minutes. Or, you can slowly marinade it in a wonderful and flavorful marinade that you made from scratch, let it sit over night, and slowly cook it on the grill until it is cooked to perfection. Now, which one are you going to prefer to eat? Which one will you enjoy eating? Which one will taste absolutely amazing? And which one was well worth the wait?
The best things in life are worth waiting for. Always remember that!
A little bit all over at the moment, posting on peoples posts to re focus away from me, doing strict NC..and yes I do think issues relate more to childhood..the N just opened the wound that hadnt really healed.
I am hoping that some good will come out of it..after all it has forced the issue that I need CBT counselling.
Its also given me chance to look at my life.
Its been a horrible experience..not helped by it feels like I miss him soooo much. I know he is my poison but yeah its hard x
I wanted to say something
exellent point, Deidre40
FeFe
aw snowflake, i'm sorry. i
"Baited" is the perfect term
There were numerous
Done
You've got this!
Stay strong. You will regret it if you don't....
Thanks people
Glad...
Thanks
Snowflake, someone did die.
Thank you