Dreams

11 posts / 0 new

#1 Feb 22 - 11AM

Recovering Suzie

Dreams

My N-hubby died by his own hand nearly two years ago. Two nights ago I saw him in a dream for the first time since. It was so hard seeing him, even in a dream. He, his OW and I were sight-seeing in the major metro area near where we live. OW was having a lovely time off on her own looking at all of the big fancy buildings. He communicated to me (somehow without speaking, I never heard his voice) “Sometimes people stay too long.”

I woke up confused and angry; thinking that he was somehow blaming me, saying that he’d stayed with me too long. In the clear morning light I see things differently. I know I stay too long. I don’t know how to let go. I stayed in the marriage too long. I’m in a relationship now that I don’t see going anywhere, yet I stay. Can’t get those words out of my head: Sometimes people stay too long.

Thanks for listening
Suzie

#2 Feb 22 - 12PM

Sparrow

Your conscience is trying so

Your conscience is trying so hard to be your guide but you are fighting it for some reason. If you are in a relationship that you know is going nowhere, question why you remain. There is a reason, and you will discover it as long as you take a good hard look and are honest with yourself. Maybe a fear of being alone? Maybe a fear of having to face things in your past that you just assume leave behind you? Possible self-esteem issues. Could be a number of things. Let your conscience be your guide. I believe you are on the right track. We have to leave limbo at some point and start living again. I am sorry to hear that someone in your life, took their own life. Narc or not, is it never an easy thing to accept, let alone deal with. No matter the circumstances. My best to you and your journey.

#3 Mar 9 - 9AM (Reply to #10)

Recovering Suzie

I Broke Up With Him

#4 Feb 22 - 1PM (Reply to #6)

Recovering Suzie

Thank you so much Sparrow and Femmegem for your replies

I hesitated to post this; I knew someone here would make me face the truth. I was afraid to leave my NH for so many reasons, not the least of which was fear of the unknown – could I survive, could I make it on my own? I have since learned that I can pay my bills, keep my house and that I have a lot of wonderful friends. I don’t know how or why I am once again stuck in neutral. Sparrow you were so right to say that I am fighting my conscience. I know that it was my conscience speaking to me in that dream. After the pain that my NH caused me, I can’t bear the thought of breaking another human heart. I hate the realization that I am still so broken. Thanks again Suzie

#5 Feb 22 - 1PM (Reply to #7)

Sparrow

Who's heart did you break?

Who's heart did you break? You may be getting somewhere already........... you will mend. You came to the right place. Are you in therapy as well?

#6 Feb 22 - 2PM (Reply to #8)

Recovering Suzie

haven't broken his heart... yet

My current beau exhibits all signs of being very much in love with me. He has said that whatever happens with 'us' he is so happy for what we have had and what we have meant to each other. Ending the relationship will, I think, break his heart. Yes, I've been seeing a counselor for a long time. Have had to miss two weeks due to scheduling issues. Probably why I am posting here again. Suzie

#7 Feb 22 - 2PM (Reply to #9)

Sparrow

I'm sorry that you struggle

I'm sorry that you struggle with that. It is a terrible feeling when you think you are going to break someone's heart. But you must ask yourself this question....... Which will be more heartbreaking for him, ending the relationship or remaining in it when his feelings are not shared by you? It's hard, either way. But if you like him and most importantly, respect him, than let him know. We all would want to know I think. Even though it hurts initially, in the long run, it's for the best. Good luck. I'm so sorry. :(

#8 Feb 22 - 12PM

Femmegem

Gosh Suzie

How interesting! I think that was the lesson we were meant to learn all along.

#9 Feb 24 - 8AM (Reply to #2)

Redhead

Suzie - you sound so much

Suzie - you sound so much like me. I'm an empath to the very core....and so are you. My Mother once told me that I love to a fault. I think that's why I'll be very reluctant to get involved with anyone again. Having my heart broke is hard...but hurting someone else is worse.

#10 Feb 24 - 8AM (Reply to #3)

Recovering Suzie

Thank you

Thank you for your replies, mostly thank you for listening. I had a long talk with my big sister last night. She stopped short of giving any advice but emplored me to accept that it is appropriate for me to consider my own happiness when making decisions. She aslo said all she wants is for me to heal. (I love that woman) As I'm sure many of you can relate, putting my happiness first does not come naturally for me. Sometimes it is just so easy to make others happy and so nice to see their happy smiling faces. So what if I'm not as happy as they are, seeing their happiness brings me a different agree of joy. My older and wiser sister pointed out to me that this behavior is making me unavailable to find my own happiness. I suppose this is why I was able to be such a good mate to a Narc for decades. I didn't mind the incremental taking of my soul - gee whiz it was OK to keep losing little peices of myself because it made him so happy - at least until he needed to feed again. Trying out a new mantra "boundaries, boundaries, boundaries"

#11 Feb 24 - 1PM (Reply to #4)

Snowflake

Suzie

This man sounds a good man..yur other post 'how do you know when you are in love' made me post this to you. Love is not all romance, drama, finding the other person sexy..its about having a rock, someone who wont let you down..the initial limerence dies in most 'normal' relationships..its got to so you can get on with life, achieve goals..who wants to feel sick every time hub is out at the pub with friends worried in case he meets another girl etc. That stage doesnt last. Dont rush into ending something that doesnt have the excitement/drama of an N relationship is all I am saying x

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