Resistance to change

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#1 Nov 22 - 1AM
Done sourcing
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Resistance to change

I just wanted to share a thought I had while responding to a post tonight. I wrote

"My unwillingness to let go of what would never make me happy was the only thing that held me back from being happy".

I understand that before I got to this point I had to understand that I didn't want to let go. And I had to understand why. And I had to learn about the disorder, and that there was no cure. And I had to hit my head against the wall until I really got to the point that I believed all of this. I do.

And then I got it, it unfolded in front of me. It had become an inside job. It was me that was stoppping me from being happy. Only me. She had lost her power. Because I finally stopped giving it to her. It is that simple. We give the power, they don't take it. They will use it, check to see if it is still available for their use, but they don't give it. We do that ourselves.

So we get to decide...do we want to give another human being the power to keep us unhappy? Do we want to resist change, or are we ready to embrace it as the path to happiness?

We can embrace change and stop resisting it now, or we can resist it as long as we want. Only we have the power to choose this!

ds

Sep 1 - 6AM
no more an echo
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I'm glad you resurrected this!

Sep 1 - 1AM
Done sourcing
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Was going through some old

Sep 1 - 8AM (Reply to #13)
onwithmylife
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donesourcing

Nov 22 - 6PM
nancyh
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DS - your post is dead on.

DS - your post is dead on. Your posts so often relevant to my situation & I appreciate your insight. You inspire me to stay NC, to be strong - thank you.

Nan

Nov 22 - 6PM
ReclaimingPower
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And so it is. Amen. What a

And so it is. Amen. What a gift and a blessing. Shine your light and your truth. You are a beacon for us all as we find our way through the darkness. xoxo
Nov 22 - 7AM
Sea
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DS i agree. Actually humans

DS i agree. Actually humans are by nature creatures of habit, skeptical of changes, scared of the unknown and would resist change with varying degree depending on risk appetite. With the narcs we add in 1 more complication that is the addiction to the narcs. So we must WANT the change! If not it is very hard to follow thru
Nov 22 - 7AM
Hunter
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DS

Thanks.. Buddy.. You are so good at this... I always learn so much from you.. Stay strong Hunter
Nov 22 - 7AM
onwithmylife
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dones sourcing

love your post and so true, the biggest hurdle for me was letting go, to give up all hope that he could ever change, it took me years to work through that point but when you do, it sets you free, liberates you to go on and have a happy life and let them be by the wayside. WONDERFUL POST, SO INSIGHTFUL. i cannot believe i had given HIM the power to decide my mood, insane isn't it????????
Nov 22 - 6AM
empath
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donesourcing

Amen. Beautifully articulated. Thank you. :-)
Nov 22 - 6AM
freaked
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Bingo!! DS

True True True !! DS this realization is almost always a sudden one after ages of holding on to the chimera. I have edited the pronoun to refer to my narc h. " It was me that was stoppping me from being happy. Only me. HE had lost her power. Because I finally stopped giving it to HIM. It is that simple. We give the power, they don't take it. " We feel so light and airy once we have let go. The letting go can be physical/mental/spiritual.. in the event of some of us being unable to go total NC..i believe we must let go in our Mind at least. even that works a wonder. I don't know how to put in words how nice it feels after i have mentally and spiritually LET GO. the Lies still continue.. the cheating too.. but what is surprising is..it just doesn't touch me even with a barge pole.
Nov 22 - 3AM
Jelickuk
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This is so true My biggest

This is so true My biggest problem was and still can be my own unwillingness to let go. I truly truly know that once I am willing ( really willing) then everything will fall into place. My real battle isn't with him, it is with me, the wounded terrified child that was me , the child who still screams and rages at the injustice and betrayal. My battle is to care for that child. I find it really hard as I have not known how to really care. My unmet needs send me into working and earning money and getting stressed and burnt out, thinking that is care. Or filling the house with things and the cupboards with food, thinking that is care. I am learning that care is about time and gentleness. Very difficult for me because it means letting go of control and trusting in the process. It has never been about him, not really
Nov 22 - 2AM
lillymarch
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And maybe that's what

And maybe that's what forgiveness is. Taking back your power, letting go of and accepting the things that you can't change, and then moving forward. I'm working to realize that I can't change what happened, I let go of my judgment of that (that I'm a victim, I have no power), and then I focus on what I can do today, now. Also I'm finally getting that I can do all of these things and know that I don't want that person n my life. Take back my power, accept the past as-is, and not allow crazy in my life. (Sorry to repeat here, I feel like I'm finally getting it!)
Nov 22 - 5PM (Reply to #2)
Done sourcing
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What sounds so simple was so

What sounds so simple was so hard to do for me. Accept it. Move on. Know that I have to do this thing. Know that I will be safe and happy. To hit such a bottom that nothing was better than that thing! And then as dawn approaches I get pieces of the new reality, and it is beautiful and still and peaceful and exciting and limitless and whole. Was I lost or what??? ds
Nov 22 - 5PM (Reply to #3)
Winter
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DS

You were not lost... but you lost a part of what was your world. Definetely for the better. Holding on a person is a bit more than just holding on a person. It is our dreams, it is the world we have created, it became a meaning of our life, our reference. You were married to her, you have a kid together. So easy to uderstand why you held on it so long before to let go. Exactly because it is more than just let go of her. Love Winter