Can anyone explain this

12 posts / 0 new

#1 Feb 4 - 11AM

alfrebob

Can anyone explain this

Can anyone explain this? A N always thinks he is right and has some entitlement. He is never to blame for anything he does because he is always right. Why then does he need to rewrite history? If he is so sure that he is always right, why not just say the facts as they were? He will try and convince his partner that he was right but tell evryone else a different story.

#2 Feb 4 - 1PM

Kelly

It'll make you crazy

I consider myself a pretty logical person and I have a great memory, but while I was dating the N, I forgot all the strange things he would say or did that upset me. I was on too much of a high and didn't want to come down. When he D&D'd me, he basically told me the truth (FINALLY) about what he's really been thinking and of course NONE of it made sense to me at the time because the truth was, he had been lying to me the entire time we were together. It was really shocking at the time and I got extremely depressed, but I've been through different phases. It doesn't matter what he thinks because he lies to himself to feel good about himself. My N is a lawyer. VERY logical mind. Extremely intelligent. He made a choice to omit the facts and skew them to his favor to intentionally make him look oh so innocent and save his precious false self. Oh and he blatantly lied about thing early on just to get me in bed. I asked him very pertinent questions on our third and fourth dates and he lied lied lied . . . When I think back, in the things he told me, he was never "at fault" for anything. Even a car accident he told me about - - I'm surprised he admitted "double fault," but really, he thought that was just technical and that he wasn't at fault at all.

#3 Feb 4 - 1PM

itreallyisabouthim

That is a very good point.

That is a very good point. No wonder we nearly go insane living with them. They make ZERO sense no matter how you slice it.

#4 Feb 4 - 1PM

Barbara (not verified)

alfrebob

It is simply part of their pathology. They can't help it. They have no sense of reality or real time. I know it makes no sense to you - it shouldn't. But it is VITAL you not try to 'make sense' of him as if he was a NORMAL HUMAN. He is not. His brain is literally different. ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website

#5 Feb 4 - 2PM (Reply to #2)

quietude (not verified)

alfrebob

Agreed...you can spend countless hours asking yourself why and trying to make sense of it all. The best approach is education on the subject, along with acceptance that it is what it is.

#6 Feb 4 - 3PM (Reply to #3)

alfrebob

I am just trying to make

I am just trying to make some sense of a N's mind. I just don't understand if he thinks he is so right as we have been told then why he tells a different story.... why he will deny actual events that accured and that he even abused me and his kids. He did that, say exactly what happened...end of story. It's just mind blowing BS!!!! If he feels he is so right in his behaviour then what is there to hide? Some nutters will say 'Yes I did it' they may not regret it but see nothing wrong in what they have done so quite openly say they did something. A 'N' sees nothing wrong in what they do but still feels it necessary to twist the truth or lie about it.

#7 Feb 4 - 4PM (Reply to #9)

GettingOut

alfrebob

Ya' can't make sense of something non-sensical. Can't apply logic to illogical stuff. He will deny the abuse because he is not NORMAL and will not take accountability for his behavior. ok, an example. Mine would hit me and the next day act like NOTHING happened. If I brought it up he would fling out a whole bunch of BS - it was my fault, or I was too sensitive or I was making a big deal out of nothing. Case in point - early in the divorce he got in my email accounts, online journals, etc. He found a blog I was writing and his physical abuse was discussed. He was LIVID, screaming at me and he says "YOU WROTE THAT I #%$!$ BEAT YOU?!?! I DIDN'T ^#%$! BEAT YOU!! Reality is distorted and lack of accountability and lack of remorse and lack of empathy and minimizing of actual events and....

#8 Feb 4 - 3PM (Reply to #4)

rache

alfrebob

We can't make sense out of something we will never comprehend,as,they aren't like us.I'm not even sure they'd understand another N

#9 Feb 4 - 4PM (Reply to #7)

no more

My N had an N friend

Just before Xmas my exNBF went back to his exGF. Then his N freind emailed me for a date,,,,,as if. That ended their relationship right then and there. My N was ssooooooooo angry that he would betray him like that. Not realizing that's what Ns do. So he got a taste of his own medicine. I did say what would be the harm in him asking me out because you don't want me, you just dumped me.? His reply is that friends don't do that. Well N freinds do. They have no conscience. Kind of wished I did go out with him,,,,,,,,but didn't need another N.LOL

I just got involved with the same N for the second time.
What was I thinking? Because I have put myself back to the same point where I am blaming myself again. And for what?
I want to get rid of these feelings again.

#10 Feb 5 - 1PM (Reply to #8)

Kelly

Haha

Hysterical!

#11 Feb 4 - 3PM (Reply to #5)

alfrebob

N and N

Two 'N's stuck in a lift. Love to be a fly on the wall!!

#12 Feb 4 - 8PM (Reply to #6)

Barbara (not verified)

jello

even the professionals can't understand an Ns brain processes... MRIs show they have profoundly different brains... who WANTS to understand that jello???? ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website

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