Madonna-Whore Complex

My EXNH told me he was so glad we were getting a divorce because he never saw the point of having sex with the same person more than once. "What's the point?" he laughed. "Been there done that," he said.

I also started to require intimacy and connection and he still would not leave me alone. WTF?? Why didn't he move onto the next victim - to fresh supply/whore - when I made it clear that I was NOT his whore and wanted and deserved more? He just would not leave me be. (We had business connections so he used those to get to me..but I am shutting that down now, even if it means losing my job). Why won't he just go hire a whore or get a new victim??

Hi Barbara, I live in a remote area of QLD in Australia and I work 50 hours per week, I have attempted to get counseling over 5 times with different counselors and there are very few within 2-3 hours drive of my home who only work during the day. I cannot attend these times due to my job, I would be gone for 4 hours due to travel time. I live in an agricultural environment and work in the country as well. Do you know of any counselors that can offer online help to suit the Australian time Zone? I know this website is from America. I am having trouble getting the help I need. Thanks for your links about him not being able to give love and intimacy, It's nice to know that I was good enough, it was all about him. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Ns use sex for mainly two things 1. because they enjoy it - the pervy-er the better 2. to mind control and bond their victims to them by using the victim's own oxytocin/ adrenaline response in sex to superglue them to the predator. (No the predator is so messed up they do NOT have the same hormonal response) Madonna Whore has everything to do with the sickness of the Narc and NOT with the victims. ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims

Sex was yet one more thing used to project onto me in those "YOU, you, you...." statements that sex was about "control" and "only giving it to get something". Also projecting onto me "you don't care, you have no interest, you don't want anything to do with me, you want to control me, all woen use it to control".This was after two decades of him telling me he "have no interest, its not imporatnt to me, I don't care about sex" and him maintaing his disinterest ignoring me having discussions with him as to why he was not physical. He passed himself off as overly moral as if he were a priest who'd chosesen a celibet life. He repeatedly told me he did not think about sex. Not once did he verbally say "let's have sex, I want sex or make love/do it to you...NOTHING. what did I do? I expressed my needs, desires, beliefs a physical relationship was important, I spoke of my physical needs. He'd react as if I were a freak for having any sexual desires. Oops, that because he was not human and did not act human. Long term closee friends I confided in wondered if he was a closet homosexual. Those letters I wrote, pouring my heart out to him how sad and awful it is to live with a man who rejects a physical relationship? he saved them and it meant nothing to him. He would project more insisting it is me, blaming flaws of me insinuating "if" I were a Miss America or Universe there would be no problem. The man had sexuality issues off the charts. His mommy was ordering him on our wedding night to control we go to her house trying to control she keep an eye and ear on us and it was so sick. He acted as if there was nothing wrong with that. How does a person go through life not ever telling a spouse he masterbates daily or worse lie his whole adult life asterbating starting in the am. I was sick mentally, so violated as a person, sickened he witheld that truth about his self from me lying to It was a shock Mr. holier than though, Mr. Monk/Priest asexual was in the house self serving. I have thought: sex or thier penis is one more thing they can't share, it's all for them and nothing for you then project it is you who wants "nothing" to do with them.Then the insane passive aggression, ambient abuse as if it is you all along guilty of their behaviors. This was yet one more humiliating degradation to lie or project their sexual perversions onto us and people get duped of the smears. I like lingerie, pretty, feminine. He would not buy me a nightgown when I asked for that as a gift. The harshest humiliation was his escalated abuse to control and convince me I was him, an extension and the horrific humiliation from counselors he fed lies to. For me it was a last resort and to not seek having an affair to mastserbate myself when I had human needs and since I did not chose a convent..I'd fantasize a man said he desired me and wanted something to do with me. It sems we are extensions of them and they can't seperate self from us hence the "YOU YOU YOU statements that are all about them. I was not heard, nor seen for only one person exists. He angrily and defensisvely blurted ot he "felt good..in strip clubs (all nude ones) he felt POWERFUL in strip clubs then would declare table dances "wqeren't for him..they were all for so and so" becoming enraged at reality..he got off... He probably conned himself it was someone else who had to go there..talking them into it when it was him all along. He was crazier then hell delusional or psychopath