Being Happy

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#1 Apr 29 - 8PM

Susan32

Being Happy

It's always struck me that being happy is the best revenge. The sweetest kind. The ex-N in my life would always ask me, "Why are you always so happy?" He had problems with emotions;he'd tell people to read texts "without emotion." He thought I didn't take life seriously enough. My friends couldn't stand it that I'd go from being cheerful, peppy, and joyful with them and then be solemn when I was with him. One good friend (he's still my friend) said that I needed to be THE REAL ME.

The ex-N was an emotional vampire. He seemed to despise happiness-in himself and others. A Narc takes pleasure in the misery of others;that somebody should be happy is the ultimate sin in their minds. It's understandable that one will feel suicidal and depressed after leaving such a sham relationship.

The best revenge? Be happy. Live life to the fullest.

#2 May 1 - 6AM

narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)

God can't cure Narcs and Psychopaths.....

my uncle was a famous evangelist and faith healer...one of his own brothers was a horrible degenerate alcoholic piece of shit....... when the drunkard brother's wife asked my uncle...'you cure people every day through prayer...why can't you cure your own brother?'.......the answer came simply and quickly.... 'because he doesn't WANT to be cured'...... same with forgiveness..even God does not forgive those who do not repent and ask forgiveness..that is why God cannot save or cure Narcs or Psychopaths.........

#3 Apr 30 - 7PM

Scooters Mom

he was learning

He was probably trying to learn how normal people show emotions or think about things so that he could simulate it. That's what they do.

#4 Apr 30 - 7PM (Reply to #9)

Susan32

A slow learner

He was 15 years older... and a teacher. I was the student (and apparently the teacher) His simulation didn't work that well, because 4 years later, people still thought he was a freak, and his emotionlessness creeped them out. After all, he was compared to Jack Nicholson in "The Shining." When he told me "I'm human",my response was basically EPIC FAIL.

#5 Apr 29 - 10PM

Barbara (not verified)

Susan32

they can not FEEL literally can NOT FEEL emotions so they envy those who can they are NOT HUMAN ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#6 Apr 29 - 8PM

hitandrun

Happiness as the best revenge

I agree with you 100% Can't say I am there yet, and can't say I am above some other kind of revenge either : ) It's fun to think about other type of revenge at times, even though we are taught to forgive, I'm not there yet either. In time I hope to say that being happy is my normal state(even though life is never a constant state) and that my memories of my ex fiance N are, like Billy Holiday sings,"Gone with the Wind."

#7 Apr 30 - 6PM (Reply to #2)

Susan32

Buddhist and Christian insights

The Buddha often spoke of "weeping for one's enemy" as a sign of true compassion;Jesus counseled "love your enemies." Narcissists are our enemies, yet the wisdom of these great teachers is that we are to have compassion for them. And by love--they don't mean romantic/erotic love but agape love. God loves us, even when we don't act so well. That's the doctrine of grace. Christianity speaks of conversion;the Bible has stories of people who did terrible things, but were changed--by God. Mahayana Buddhism speaks of getting in touch with one's inner buddha-nature. Everybody has buddha-nature, even narcs. It's beyond our mere mortal means to cure it. We have to leave it to God and karma. Only God can convert the heart. Only God can cure the soul sickness of narcissism. If He can cure people of alcoholism and drug addiction, why NOT narcissism? Pathological envy is at the root of narcissism. A true sickness of the soul.

#8 May 1 - 1AM (Reply to #6)

Barbara (not verified)

why can't God cure narcissism?

SOME READING: http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com/2008/02/from-such-turn-away.html http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com/2008/02/testing-for-repentance.html http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com/2009/01/no-contact-because-their-evil-is.html http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com/2008/06/refresher-on-savior-complex.html http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com/2008/01/is-it-wrong-to-hate.html http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com/2007/11/wicked-man.html http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com/2008/02/not-all-enemies-are-created-equal.html The most dangerous predators among us are ingeniously veiled. They carefully surround themselves with people entirely unlike themselves, that is, with deeply empathic human beings who wish to please others, who are slow to judge, who are excessively tolerant and who have an eye for the good to be found in others. They know how to exploit to their own advantage such character traits. It is their association with such people that maximizes their chances of perpetuating the facade and keeping themselves from exposure. -- "Narcissism & the Dynamics of Evil" ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#9 Apr 30 - 6PM (Reply to #5)

hitandrun

Wish it were black and white

I choose to believe all things are possible with God.However, I am in no place to speculate on how this applies to a disordered personality. And I have trouble understanding why God let's anything bad happen and why people say " It was God's will." My *ss! Is there evil in this world? I don't want to believe it. I'd like to stay in metaphysical la-la land and believe all is one and "evil" is just a contrast so we can appreciate good. Or it is just the polarity of good but all is God. Maybe all is God, but I am beginning to believe evil exists and the reason I do is because of the existence of these disordered men that have done their best to destroy us. All I know is my mantra before going off to sleep and saying my prayers is "I give the ex N over to God and I go free." That is not really forgiveness, but letting go.

#10 Apr 30 - 6PM (Reply to #3)

loveofmylife

Curing narcissism

It is interesting.... my husband was a raving N when we married (I can see it now looking back). however, when it got really, really awful for me in the marriage (due to the N qualities) about 4 years ago, he become a believer and became very focused on becoming a better person in the eyes of God. And I must say that, he has undergone a complete transformation...and I see none of those N qualities as when we were first married. So I do believe God can cure the soul sickness of narcissism, I've seen it. My husband tried for many years to "change" on his own and always reverted back after a few week or a month of trying. But he fundamentally changed once he worked on his relationship with God. The current N, on the other hand is a pure, hardfast atheist. And I truly believe that for that reason, he will never change. When I pray for him, it is so that he will find God. Bought him the book Case for a Creator because we have had numerous debates about the existence of God or a Creator. He is very closed minded about it. (although on chemistry.com, to keep his options open, he said that he believed in a Higher Being. I guess listing atheist on your chemistry.com profile would probably turn away too many women!)

#11 Apr 30 - 6PM (Reply to #4)

Susan32

Narcissism and fundamentalism

I don't think atheism can necessarily be a problem. I've known selfless narcissists and incredibly selfish "believers." However, fundamentalism is a VERY toxic mindset for narcissists of ANY stripe. They believe they're right, nothing can convince them otherwise. This fundamentalist mindset applies equally to atheist, Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Hindu narcissists. Once in an argument, my ex-Narc started intoning,"I think I'm right. Maybe I'm right. I know I'm right." Well, I got tired of always being wrong, and always apologizing. He was a philosophical fundamentalist. He was big into Wittgenstein. In one quote, Ludwig Wittgenstein spoke of philosophy as the renunciation of emotion "like holding back tears." Ironically, Wittgenstein was an emotional guy. He chased fellow philosopher Karl Popper with a hot poker;he struggled with being gay;he often contemplated suicide (his brothers did kill themselves). Was he an emotionless guy? Obviously not. I doubt Wittgenstein would've liked his ideas being taken so literally. Philosophy is about questioning--it's not about thinking you have the Ultimate Answers. Even Socrates humbly said he didn't know everything. He said wisdom consisted in understanding you DON'T know everything,but searching for The Truth.

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