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gonna snap

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#1 May 23 - 6PM
betty2020
betty2020's picture

gonna snap

I feel like im gonna snap. I left my exN 3 months ago. It was a two year ordeal and in the process i became the mother for his two sons. Their mother has medical and psychological illness as well. I became so attached and love the boys as my own. Since i left the youngest wants out. He no longer wants to live with the N. It has been pure hell for the boy. His bio mother has been calling me daily for support to get her son out of the house. When i left the N i found out that he committed a very serious crime. I cannot go into details at this point but this is a very serious situation. I am just broken about his son. We are so close and i have no way to get him out of this psychos house. Last night his son went to visit with bio mom. The N sent his son text messages stating. "get your shit and get the fuck out of my house" "your a looser like them", "Im not signing you over to anyone you little fuck", to the bio mom he said "I hope you die a slow painful death", "you are nothing but a fucking whore and your husband cheats on you". I know this guy is a Psycho. I am just ready to go crazy for what he is doing to his son. I want to club him. Beat him down for picking on the weak. He leaves me alone b/c he knows i hold info that will put him away for life. But his son has become a son to me. I love him and this is killing me. I have no power or control. I just cant take his torture of the innocent anymore. I feel out of control!!!!! HELP

May 24 - 11AM
Carolyn
Carolyn's picture

I was a social worker for

I was a social worker for many years and retired as a private investigator. You are acting very responsibly for the safety of the child but don't know in what direction to go. All welfare departments have a Child Protective Services Unit. You need to talk to the 'officer of the day' and get information from them on what proof you need to take the child out of the home and into foster care. You have to save all e-mails and it is best if you have an in -office visit with that unit and that the biological mother be present as you have no legal standing. You are an amicus curie a 'friend of the court' but that doesn't give you power. In California and in other states there is a law that all doctors and social workers are criminally liable if they know about elder or child abuse and do not report it. There is a lot more accountability now and that is in your favor. The fact that the biological mother is problematic adds to your burden but it can be dealt with. She must also be afraid. Talk to a licensed private investigator about the information you are holding. Organize it and put it in a safety deposit box. The investigator can also tell you what information taped meetings, e-mails, phone conversations need to be in place before you can take any action. In this case a male investigator, who was a police officer, might suit you well. this will cost you some money but put you on the right track to containing this situation. Make sure that a lawyer, trusted friends, family all know about this situation and make sure he knows you are not alone and that the critical information is being 'held' by a lawyer for safe keeping. Your power is as great as his you just don't have the force of his madness. Once they get cornered they go down like a balloon. You have chosen a tough battle so you cannot weaken. You are afraid, which is normal, but you are strong in your defense of the boy. A monster like this cannot control his actions so you and the biological mother need to form a bond in order to get him away. He will continue his abuse even though it is not to his advantage so you can trap him in his own cycle of abuse. If you can't afford a lawyer talk to the legal aide office in your area. The welfare department also has investigators and lawyers. Child abuse has changed a lot since the AMBER laws and you have a chance of exposing him. You also need to be watchful of your own personal security. You will feel much calmer when you start going at this from a position of strength. Also having a support system. No one knows how it is to deal with these individuals unless you have done it. I got two jailed and it was a real struggle but jailed they were.
May 23 - 10PM
TexN (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Texts!

Those can be used in court! Do not let the boy delete them! Print them & use them as evidence that he is being verbally abused by his father!
May 23 - 11PM (Reply to #14)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

text messages

keep an accurate log date time sent number from what the text said to the boy if NDad disputes it - tell him to subpeona the cellular company - he won't; he'll know he's BUSTED! ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
May 23 - 8PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

betty2020

http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/03/28/should-i-react-way the bio mother needs to get a lawyer involved. Someone to give her full custody. And if he's abusing her child - then call CPS on the bastard. ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
May 24 - 7AM (Reply to #8)
betty2020
betty2020's picture

yes, i told her to make sure

yes, i told her to make sure she saves the text msgs on her phone and I told the son to do the same providing the father doesn't take his phone away from him. I will be seeing the son this weekend and i am going to see if i can download them to a computer or send them to his moms phone.

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

May 24 - 7AM (Reply to #9)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

betty2020

the phone may erase them make a log, on your computer - somewhere he won't see - and type this information up. It's still admissible. ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
May 24 - 9AM (Reply to #10)
betty2020
betty2020's picture

Are you saying that i can

Are you saying that i can type the text from the phone on my laptop and this will hold up? Or does it have to be downloaded from the phone to the computer?

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

May 24 - 1PM (Reply to #12)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

betty2020

type the text from the phone onto your laptop - just to make sure the phone doesn't lose them for each text include date, time, number sent from and number sent to if the dirtbag questions it - make HIM subpeona the cell company to disprove it. I bet he won't!! ;) ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
May 24 - 10AM (Reply to #11)
sanctuary
sanctuary's picture

Some companies can't or

Some companies can't or won't get you the actual texts but you can get a record of the fact that there was an incoming or out going text. These can be subpoenaed by the mom or her lawyer. If you can get the phone, I've seen a case where the texts were actually photo copied on a copy machine. Or use the records you make yourself. Then you can match the text copies to the data records. I know it's rather involved but the more you have the better for the son. And call CPS. You can call anonymously.
May 23 - 10PM (Reply to #7)
betty2020
betty2020's picture

That is a great post. I can

That is a great post. I can see all of that. Thanks Barbara. I have hopefully given the bio mom direction to someone that can help her. I am going to report him to DCFS if this continues another day. Like i said the N is feeling pressure coming from many different sources now. I am the only one he avoids. I am the one with the evidence. He knows of my contact with the bio mom and son though. I have instructed the son to avoid all conversations with the N that will evoke rage. Asked him to lay low and wait for his mom to go to court. But it doesn't seem to be working. The N is provoking the situation with the child. Taunting him and verbally abusing him. His only escape is going to his friends. I just worry about how far he would go in the end when he knows its over and he lost. I have no trust with these Ns. Never had an experience with someone like this in my life. I believe they are capable of anything from what i have witnessed with mine and read on this site. I feel like i did when i was on stand by in MC during the first gulf war. Always on alert and waiting to be called at any moment. Constant knots in my stomach even in sleep. Its a horrible existence.

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

May 23 - 8PM
betty2020
betty2020's picture

The bio mom gave custody to

The bio mom gave custody to him when him and i were together a year and a half ago. I rarely spoke to her over that time cause she has been sick with a brain tumor (non malignant). We have become friends since she contacted me when i left. She said she would have never given custody to him if she didnt think I was going to be there with the boys. I can not comment on the board at this point about the Ns situation with regard to his criminal activity's unfortunately. My main fear is the Ns mental stability. He senses things are closing in on him and his rage is getting stronger. I spoke to bio mom tonight and gave her a contact with PD to discuss the situation with the child. She just told me the boy went home this morning and took off from the Ns house because his dad was in a rage. He is living in pure hell. I just want to crush the N to the ground. I dont think i have ever loathed a person to this degree. I am frightening myself now. Unstable and ready to blow at any moment. What reaction can i expect when the N thinks his world is caving in on him? I need some tools in my arsenal because i really do not understand this enemy im in battle with.

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

May 23 - 7PM
narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

put him away for life...........

SQUEAL....SELL HIM OUT...THROW HIM UNDER THE BUS...TATTLE. do anything you can possibly do to put him away.......... “I do not bring forgiveness with me, nor forgetfulness. The only ones who can forgive are dead; the living have no right to forget." - Chaim Herzog
May 23 - 7PM
narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

put him away for life...........

SQUEAL....SELL HIM OUT...THROW HIM UNDER THE BUS...TATTLE. do anything you can possibly do to put him away.......... “I do not bring forgiveness with me, nor forgetfulness. The only ones who can forgive are dead; the living have no right to forget." - Chaim Herzog
May 23 - 6PM
hitandrun
hitandrun's picture

Hang In there

Betty2020, I am sure Barbara will chime in with some decent recommendations. This must be pure torture for you. For now take some deep breaths. Maybe you should contact the law about this situation? Keep the faith, take deep breaths.
May 23 - 6PM
neveragain5
neveragain5's picture

Hi Betty, I went through a

Hi Betty, I went through a similiar situation as you. Having to watch the children take the abuse, is the most horrendous situation of all, especially if they are not yours and there is no legal discourse. It's like watching a train wreck over and over and not being able to stop it from happening. Thank god that you are in touch with the boy's mom! Does she have custody?