What baffles me...

Yes, he let his babysitter move into his building next door--rent free--when she had to sell her house; took in a four year old foster child at the age of fifty one; volunteers and gives money to one of the most well-known homes for the disabled in the city. My daughters and me were "on your own. You're not my problem. Figure it out. Oh, and I'm coming over later. Wink, wink."

my n is also extremely social...and the life of a party. everyone things hes such a nice guy. but its just that. all his relationships are meaningless and surface. people know him based on getting drunk with him or spending an hour here and there. and that is easy for anyone to do, especially them to put that charm on. it used to bother the crap out of me. Even my friends who met him for the first time...would be like hes so sweet and hes so into you. And he would always say, "see even your friends think im nice, only you dont". yeah because they never lived with him or dealt with him over an extended period of time. once i started noticing how many "Real long term" friendships he had...it was a different story. he has no friends from college/undergrad. i remained friends with many. he doesnt get along much with his boss/co-workers, another group that has to extensively deal with him. his family although they defend him, also says he is messed up and calls him a liar. so yes, it does bother us...because you think you're crazy...but these people dont know them. we arent missing out, we know that because we were there. our mind knows this girl will get the same treatment, but our hearts just get emotional and think oh no what if it was me, and he is a new man now. however, we all know thats not happening. if he was going to change. he would have done it with us.

He was always Mr. Helpful. Would say, "I just wanted to help some folks out". Had a loser friends stay with him (they hate to be alone); always talked, oh so humbly, about how he helped people at work or at church...; has an old professor friend (who is just an awful misogynist) that he takes out for coffee and does misc. stuff for. Found out he took a bunch of perscription drugs from the old guys apartment to make speed balls with (charming). Loves to be thought of as a "computer genius" so he helps anyone with that. Pretty much every nice or helpful thing he did was to seem like a good, helpful, gentle good guy. Not buying it any more. Peace. J

Nobody would have said that about my N but from what I have learned it's not uncommon for them to appear as the ultimate helper. All about appearances right? Don't second guess yourself and think maybe he does love you. He only acts nice in front of others. Its a facade. They are ALL a facade. But you have seen his REAL side. From your post in the "violence" thread: -Thrown and shattered a bar stool in the kitchen. - Thrown and shattered glasses. - Threatened to break my grandmother's dishes because I didn't comply with his demands. - Held my neck from behind tightly and whispered in my ear, "do you think I'm a psycho?" I said... "no, of course not," and he replied, "good answer." - Threatens that "things are going to get ugly" if I don't comply. - Brings out loaded guns to play with (he has MANY). - Punched a hole in the bathroom wall one night when he was frustrated with me. - Threw his laptop and broke it because he got mad I took over the keyboard to help him look up something online That is the real him. And he doesn't reserve this just for you to see because he loves you so much!

I could have been writing that myself! Mine is also the exact same. A few weeks ago he told me that he doesnt need help from anyone! But he helps everyone else out. He has moved all of our friends multiple times, has let people stay with us for months for free, lets everyone borrow his "toys". Someone even dropped his street bike and he let him borrow it again! He let his friend without a license take his truck for awhile. The list goes on as well. His family and friends have also told me that he loves me more than anyone. That they can just "see" it in him when he looks at me. Most of them are still in denial about us being broken up. Over half of them think that we will be back together one day because we "belong" together. I know it is hard but please dont let them get to you. It is hard knowing that everyone worships him, but just know that none of them are really close enough to see who he really is. You were the unlucky one that got close enough to see who he really is.

It turns out some of them do, but most don't fawn over him. He's just another person to most of them. The ones who fawn all over him are the ones who have no self-esteem. It's an interesting thing I've noticed, now that I've stepped back from the situation and observed it. The two people he's friends with who are the most decent of the entire group like me and want to keep me in their lives. Most of my friends think he's a nut job. One or two don't want to say anything either way because it goes against their personalities to speak ill of anyone, but that's ok. The people I respect and care about most think he's a total a$$hole.

Everyone thinks my N is great - HIS friends that is! All the people who work for him love him to pieces... My friends and family do not like him one bit. Even some of his friends know some of the things he has done, but they RELY on him because they work for him! It sucks! Even his dad thinks something is off though but has no idea because I have never talked to him about what his son has done to me.

It's all about getting supply. What better way then to give to people and setting them up over the long haul and seeing who he can mes with? But at the end of the day it is a one way street and helps him / them to keep the mask up. Mine does the same thing, and yet, he can't and WON'T receive!! It insults him. We have all offered, he refuses. So he sinks because you can't accomplish what he wants in a vacuum. He needs to be in complete control, as does your narc. As for what they see - people see what they want to see. He can't keep the mask up all the time and denial is powerful. It is common for them to abuse those closest to them. Perhaps his family is DREAMING that he can be changed by you or anyone!! But you know the truth - he can't change. He is what he is because that is YOUR experience. That is the only experience that matters!!

My ex's son once told me he loves u so much, hed cut his leg for u..lmao..yeah his actions really showed me that!!! NOT!!! That must really b crazy making 4 u..if 1 thing I learned..BIG lesson..LISTEN 2 UR GUT ALWAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!