Going on a break for a little while

I have to say that I admire ninjagirl's healthy response to taking care of what she needs to right now and not being for everyone but herself. Let's face it, it's something that I for one could learn to do better and probably not have gotten myself into this N mess so easily - had I cared more about myself instead of mostly his needs. It was hard for her, no doubt, to get to this healthy place and kudos to you, ninjagirl for role modeling for me what needs to be done in many other areas of my life. While you will definitely be missed, there are enough of the rest of us here that can pick up the slack now and then and we will survive - I'm counting on it! Remember the guilt we felt when our N's wanted something and we so much wanted to say 'No', but said "Yes" just to avoid a confrontation? Well, I don't want to be in that spot again, ever, nor do I wish that on any of the wonderful people on this Board. I'm still not strong, by any means, but I have faith that I can come here and read others stories or post a comment myself and get encouragement to do the right thing while I'm still in a tough spot. This Board is fabulous and thanks for getting this going Lisa! Bless you, ninjagirl!

I suppose I'm one of the frustrating ones, and I am sorry. You shouldn't leave the board; us frustrating ones should. You know when those stories come up in the news about men who abduct women and sexually abuse them for years and then someone recognizes the woman in, like, the grocery store or something and calls theh police? We all think, She was in the GROCERY STORE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! WHY DIDN'T SHE JUST RUN AWAY OR YELL FOR HELP?! I totallly feel that way. Just resigned to it. Captive. Brainwashed. I'm a strong, strong, strong woman. But I can't get out of this right now. I have plans; I'm laying a foundation for escape. Sharing the things that happen to me before my escape happens helps to give me strength to go through with my plan. I'm sorry if it has been frustrating to others. You should stay.

While you might have "tough love" approach to things you really are helpful. I sit there reading your posts to me sometimes and I am nodding my head the whole time. It is because deep down I KNOW these things that you tell me. It just sometimes helps to have someone repeat it back to you! Thanks!

I have to say after reading your posts on this site that you seem like the type of person most of us would benefit from knowing in real life :), the type of friend most of us NEED. You are strong, resolute and determined. I am like that for the "most" part too. I also remember what it was like to be in Rainbow1's shoes, I remember that feeling when the despicable N told me again that he "loved me" or how beautiful I was, amazing, best thing that ever happened to him, unforgettable, etc. When you are in the early stages, it can knock you off your feet, it can hit you right in the heart, I remember that feeling. I look at Rainbow1's sweet little face and I see myself 20 years ago :) It is that light you have Rainbow that the N is attracted to, he needs to feed off of it. I know that you are in the beginning stages, but I also remember it took me a few "I love you's" from the N and then the eventual chaos and pain he caused before it really sank in. I know you will get there. When you said you didn't feel what you thought you would when he said "I love you" that's IT! You are starting to realize that it just doesn't feel as good as it did....the "I love you's" will always be followed by pain with an N. It just takes some of us (like it did with me) a few times to say NO MORE!

look you will be missed no doubt, I find your style exceptional. Take a break, and regroup. One of the things I would like you to think about is this. I feel very strongly in personal responsibility. I am not intending this unkindly, but you are taking on the responsibility of getting everyone over the line. This is only going to bring you grief and disappointment. You can't save all of them Ninja, we can only give advice, and if they choose not to take it then that is their choice, not any failure on your or our part. It is like trying to save a drowning person that attacks the rescuer in a panic. The only way anyone is going to move forward is start swimming like mad. Take care and look forward to your return.

You will be missed. You offer amazing advice and speak the truth. You are a strong woman and a great role model for recovery. I know it's frustrating to see people sabatoge their lives, but as others have said, everyone is different. I do agree with you though that personal accountability plays a huge role in recovery and understand where you are coming from when you say that you can't tell people it is "ok" to break no contact. I don't think you ever need to worry about coming across as harsh. Speaking the truth is harsh sometimes but you do it in a way that is compassionate, not angry. Your concern comes from a good place. YOu have a big heart. I hope you don't feel some personal resposibility in saving people here. All you can do is what you are doing already, some people will be impacted and make changes and others won't. Anyways, sorry to hear you under such stress and I hope your break serves you well. Hope to see you back here again soon:) xoxo

thank you for sharing your strength and conviction with this online community... reminding everyone to take care of and love themselves, you didn't have to do it -but you did! :-)

I hope you will reconsider your decision to leave us Ninja. We need your strong support and wisdom on the board. It is important to have the balance of strong personality types as yourself to give the "tough love" when needed. So what i am saying is we need you and dont want you to leave us. Its ok for you to speak your mind. As i am sure we have all heard before. Your real friends tell you all the things you DONT want to hear. You are our real friend and we love you for your honesty. Please think about it. Thats all i ask.....xoxooxox only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

I've appreciated your positive energy for the short time that I have been reading your posts here. And I definitely agree that at some point we all need to accept personal responsibility and decide if we are victims or survivors. That said, the process is different for everyone here and we all need to go at our own pace. Admittedly I get annoyed by some of the drama the newbies go through... but then I think back to two years ago and I was a hot mess myself and I cringe thinking about some of things I did and said to my ex for the first few months post-breakup. When I was done being hurt... that is when I went no contact. I guess what I'm saying is I definitely feel your frustration, but we don't all follow the same script. I always appreciate honesty and am glad that you recognize and acknowledge you need a break. Best wishes to you.

Hi Ninja, Frankly you are one of my favorites on here and I love to read your posts. I have found none of them to be even close to harsh considering what we are dealing with here. This is life and death and some of these N/S can hurt, destroy, and in some cases according to news reports even kill their victims. I know this sounds dramatic but this is not a game and many are hurt by their actions, including us on this site when we see another in pain. I have what I consider to be my sponsor from here, who I talk with on the phone just about every day. She has more experience with this than me and has been my support and lifeline. I consider her to be a good friend now. We laugh, I cry, and she tells me the way it is with no sugar coating. I don't think I would have come along so fast and with such insight into this thing had it not been for her tireless support, encouragement, and willingness to listen. She is the one who got me to stop his letters from prison because she pointed out that it was CONTACT even though I was not responding. Obviously I was still getting off on reading them and it was keeping me stuck. I said the same thing to her a couple of days ago that you have said today. I said, I don't want to even respond to some of these posts regarding people going back or toying with text messages, emails, ect.. Because I know where it will lead and I am afraid I will come across as too harsh, plus it is upsetting to see this when you are begininning to care deeply about the people on this site. She said two things, she said take a break if you need to and she also said that it is important to tell people what you really feel because if they were not looking for feedback they would not be on the forum. I appreciate and respect your choice. I just want you to know that I will miss you and that your posts certainly have helped me to remain NC and also helped me to avoid depression because I have stayed very active as you often suggest. My body and mind have not fallen into depression. Thanks for being you, I like your honesty and direct approach. God Bless, Goldie

agreed 100%! i have appreciated your input on the board and i'm in your corner on personal responsibility. have a great break! XXOO's

I think you help people a lot more than you might know. Your style of tough love is much appreciated, and you are a solid, funny person. Take good care!

Goodbye Ninjagirl! I will miss you!

I hear ya'. Haven't been posting here for long but wanted to wish you well anyway. Take care of yourself and I will do the same. :-)