An idea...your thoughts???

14 posts / 0 new

#1 Jul 29 - 11AM

Aliveagain

An idea...your thoughts???

There are so many women involved with men that are unhealthy for them.

I wish we could help them and I wondered what you guys thought about the following service that perhaps could be built into this website.

I was thinking about the girlfriend of my ExP who I believe is a very nice, honest, decent and intelligent person. I don't know her per se but I know enough about her to have come to that conclusion. I also know that he would not have been interested in someone that didn't 'challenge' him.

Given what we know about how they modify our minds and steal our souls while we bank on potential and wait for that great guy we first met to come back and believe if we just try a "little harder" we can help them wouldn't it be nice to share these things with them and hopefully give them the strength to leave through education? Anonymously.

I was thinking a great feature would be the ability to stick into a form on this site - for example - the persons email address with a generic note along the following lines:

Hi there,

One of our members of our site believes you may be involved in a relationship that is unhealthy.

They do not want to be known by name but wish that you knew all they have discovered before their involvement with this individual.

We especially want you to know that it is Not Your Fault.

Here are links to some information about the relationship this person believes you may be involved in, the warning signs and what you can do about it.

If you do not believe this is the case please ignore this email. Alternatively join us on this site where you will be privy to support and information to aide your healing.

Thanks, the team at All About Him.

Alternatively this could also be done for someone in the past that has been involved but is no longer. As in "you were" etc etc. Knowing that I still struggle to emotionally believe there's nothing wrong with me, I would have been so grateful to have received an email like this with access to a supportive network and knowledge about which I knew little.

What do you guys think?

#2 Jul 29 - 5PM

AnotherPath

I truly feel that we come to

I truly feel that we come to discover narcissism and this forum from our own experience. Once we've been hooked by the narc it is our solitary abusive road to hell, one which we do totally alone. No one could have warned me as I didn't understand any of it until I was well out of it. If I had read anything I would have probably just thought it was spam mail, that's how brainwashed I was and I'm sure many others are. Due to my mental state I had no idea what I was in, I didn't acknowledge any of it. The aftershock and coming out of denial is what led me to stumble across narcissism. It's our journey, only we can do it, it's part of the slow process as we de-program .

Ending the dance

#3 Jul 29 - 3PM

broken23

I like the idea because i

Personally, I truly wish someone had told me about this. I was in this cycle for 12 years. When i found this site and another, and read the symptoms of NPD, I KNEW immediately what i was dealing with was beyond a bad relationship, and i havent gone back since. I think that people who have been with long term with a N would immediately realize whats wrong. However, if the N is pursuing someone new, and they are in their initial honeymoon phase, i doubt anything is going to make them listen. They wont get it and are likely to tell the N.

#4 Jul 29 - 1PM

Steph

I would be concerned that

I would be concerned that she would likely share that email with her N and that would lead HIM to looking at this site.

#5 Jul 29 - 1PM (Reply to #9)

Aliveagain

Yes, agreed. But would you

Yes, agreed. But would you have showed your N? Did you show you N any of the stuff you read on the net when you realised he was a N? And I bet there are N's viewing this already.

#6 Jul 29 - 1PM (Reply to #10)

Steph

I came to this site and

I came to this site and learned about N's AFTER i was out. If i received an anonymous email while with him and if i was still under his influence or in the honeymoon phase....i may have shared it with him, yes.

#7 Jul 29 - 1PM (Reply to #11)

Steph

I think it is a very kind

I think it is a very kind gesture to want to warn and help the new victim....but to me sending an anonymous email would be the same as the ex calling the new girl and warning her....it wouldn't likely be taken seriously....especially if she is still in the honeymoon phase. She would think it's weird and it would be linked back to the ex doing it and he wouls say she's crazy.

#8 Jul 29 - 1PM (Reply to #8)

NinjaGirl

That's a very good point,

That's a very good point, too.

#9 Jul 29 - 12PM

NinjaGirl

I think it's a very sweet

I think it's a very sweet notion. However, I have some issues with it for the following reasons: 1. I would hate to get an anonymous email stating that someone thinks I'm in a bad relationship. If a loved one took me aside and told me, I might feel differently. Chances are, though, I wouldn't want anyone's opinions on my relationship. The anonymous part would just annoy me. 2. I know a leopard doesn't change it's spots and all that, but unless someone is having a problem in his/her relationship, I don't think that calling attention to what you think might happen or is happening will change anything. 3. Unless I see obvious abuse in a relationship where I am very close to one or both of the parties, or where police intervention is required, I try to make it a rule not to interfere in what other people are doing with their lives for my own sanity. I have myself to worry about, and that's quite enough! ;)

#10 Jul 30 - 12AM (Reply to #6)

girlfriday

Plus...

...any unsolicited email originating from a website is considered spam, isn't it?

#11 Jul 29 - 1PM (Reply to #4)

smileyfacepr

I agree

I have to agree 100% w/ninjagirl!! Stay out of it, let her c it for herself!

smileyfacepr

#12 Jul 29 - 1PM (Reply to #5)

Aliveagain

You're probably right but it

You're probably right but it FKS me off so much that these guys are doing it over and over again. I never want anyone to experience what I did. It ruined 2 years of my life.

#13 Jul 29 - 1PM (Reply to #2)

Aliveagain

Hmmm I had considered these

Hmmm I had considered these things though I think point 2 kind of sums up my perspective on it because they don't change their spots and I guess its not a typical "less than perfect" arrangement but something that they are probably really struggling with - obviously in the opinion of the person sending it. I totally see where you're coming from though I honestly would have been so thankful for someone to have sent me that. It would have offered me the validation and certainty that I needed to have gotten out, sooner. Yes, it is interference though I'm not adverse to sticking my nose in, in particular situations. I think sometimes we should be more intrusive rather than turning a blind eye. Obviously there is a chance it may not be the same as the relationship we experienced with the N/P but what are the odds and at worse the person is annoyed at the email, ignores it and what? Perhaps they will at least start thinking about their situation which I think is a good thing. It's their choice from there but I know I would have felt relief and been glad to the access to resources.

#14 Jul 29 - 1PM (Reply to #3)

NinjaGirl

If you don't want to turn a blind eye

...you don't have to, but then I think the email should come from you. No anonymity. I personally try to stay out of others people's relationships unless I see obvious abuse going on. If I feel the need to say something, I say it so that they know who the source is and consider that along with everything else.

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