Day 19 and Im struggling
Day 19 and Im struggling
I read something today that gave me some comfort and pain. In Sam Vankins stuff I read that a Narc cant have sex with someone he believes he loves (though he cannot truly love).
While I dont know, this seemed to explain some of the mystery about what happened this second time around and the intimacy issues. Especially the incident where he had E.D. He kept reassuring me that Im beautiful. I remember him saying "this isn't just sex for me" but Im thinkin to myself do you really try to do someone from behind when you havent been with them in alot of years? Anyway the ED hit when I turn over and he looked me in the face. He has always maintained that he loved/loves me and always will but I have always said No you dont. It always seemed to frustrate him. I have always felt that in his own little sick inept way he did though he has no concept. Which would explain why one night he said when I was crying "He loves you, I love you, your friends love you but he"ll treat you better" like he knew the damage he was doing. It seemed like he was almost saying "Im not gonna do this to you again" but in the same breath he said Im not ready to throw in the towel on this yet.
So I felt a little comfort that maybe he felt something for me whatever limited feelings they are capable of. I felt that he had left me both times because he that I would abandon him. I know there will never be a relationship with him as I know he will feel compelled to destroy it as always. It just gave me some comfort in a weird sort of way that something that hurt me terribly (the whole ed thing) would actually comfort me in the end. I know this maybe wishful thinking?
The Irony: A person he may believe he loves he is unable to show it to. The people he objecfies and he can all day long
thank you ladies
Cerebral
Nevergoback
I've been wondering if a
almostlydia
lol
Nevergoback
sick of it
almostlydia
sick of it
almostlydia
Sad part is as I sit here in
Don't do this to yourself....
sick of it
Nevergoback