The worm is turning

Intellectually you know this man is not for you but something emotionally makes you want to be with him. that is a tough tug-of-war. You need to spend sometime in a meditation class and see if you can find yourself. Toxic people hurt others and it is time for you to avoid beer at 9:30 am and this guy. You deserve a lot better. this sounds a bit silly but sometime these types of people are not our enemies but our teachers. Maybe he is pushing you into a more introspective time in your life and from there into another direction.

it's still waaaay early. You need to get yourself to therapy ASAP and its often months until the obsessive thoughts stop. Didn't you BLOCK HIM? Block phone, email, etc.... EVERYTHING. NO CONTACT!!! DO NOT MEET UP WITH HIM!!! PLEASE!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily Online Coaching for Victims of Narcissists/ Psychopaths

I understand completely. My N would always turn back into the kind, compassionate charmer after he discarded me. Toward the end, I could even predict it and had caught on to the pattern. What I remember most, is the feelings of shame and powerlessness within me when I would give in and go back. It is like I was a heroin addict desperate for a fix. I almost couldn't withstand it. It was pitiful and I knew but I felt I almost had no choice. What I am saying to you now, is it can be done. YOU CAN do this. It is almost like he has poisoned you with a venom that has to take time to leave your system. Do anything as a distraction. Unfortunately, drinking did not work for me. I would end up thinking more about him. Keep writing on this site, call friends, go shopping for god's sake. Read self help all day long if you have to. Right now, it is about saying NO, and reclaiming your life and your dignity. It will take everything you have got, but you can do it. Find strength and empowerment in those who have successfully done this before you. I am doing it bit by bit. It is not easy, but what is the alternative? Be taken all the way down by the N in the incredible trap that you are in. You are not alone, you are not crazy. You are in recovery and it takes time to heal. You are fragile; be patient with yourself.

What do i do ? For me this is where journaling came in handy. For fuck sake is 9 30 am too early for a beer ? Well drinking is never a solution to any problem but I can remember telling myself it has to be 12pm somewhere on this planet whenever I wanted that drink.

I just wanted to say it is remarkable that these guys follow the same pattern The patterns never do change do they albeit a male or female. I remember in the beginning how she tried to “act” nice and how she wrote once if I needed something I should ask. WTF!!!! I asked her to sign the Illinois *Voluntary Acknowledgement of Paternity which she refused because she didn’t want to pay child support but that was never the reason I wanted it signed. This was requested three times to sign the damn thing. Twice my me and once by my oldest son. Yes, they do all follow the same patterns which is just more of this mask of insanity BS! From personal Journal. * “That when she stated that she would not give me custody and that’s why she didn’t sign the Illinois Voluntary Acknowledgement of Paternity. Damn, I shouldn’t have brought up child support. Maybe that’s why she called so early.” * http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/2009/03/correspondences-from-2006-cont.html