He "is" more than a Narcissit? You guys are experts!

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#1 Oct 18 - 5PM

blueeyes

He "is" more than a Narcissit? You guys are experts!

We had a therapy session today. I just got home and signed on and read Brieses post on my story. This is an amazingly weird thing! The Dr. Told us that my H displays ASPD as well as NPD! Whoa, I read Brieses comment on my story. She said the same thing! Brieses? I'm amazed at how this is unraveling before my eye! Good lord, I'm still digesting the Aug NPD diagnosis!

Any advice on how I can stay sane? I can't take anymore.

#2 Oct 19 - 4AM

Briseis

It was all that shoplifting

It was all that shoplifting and sitting in the back of a cop car STUNNED that he was being arrested that got me thinking ASPD. ASPD is a "new" term for an old term -- psychopath. Those are the guys that one day cut loose and murder their co-workers, or family :( Even MORE reason to stay perfectly safe, if you must stay till he goes to jail, keep a low profile, don't push him/nag him/demand that he explain himself or behave differently. He is like a lit stick of dynamite, don't set him off!! Act and pretend if you have to. Just don't get him to turn that psychpath shit on YOU.

#3 Oct 19 - 5AM (Reply to #12)

blueeyes

Briseis

I was not convinced so I called the dr. I asked him if he felt I was in danger? He said he met him in may and he can't say for sure, but he feels that my H is a mixture of both asdp and npd. He told me that "he isn't as bad as I think." I was pissed!!! Then the Dr. Said "Look, he is not a murder. He is a coward really. He loves you and the kids as much as he is capable and I'll bet he is thinking that your marriage isn't over at all." Doc thinks his delusions allow him to still have hope. Now, we are not together if u ask me. We fight, throw nasty sarcastic inuendos, and ignore one another. We sleep in seprate rooms. When we do "talk", it ends in a mess. I stand my ground that I don't want this life and he "swears that he is trying to understand himself. I say actions not words, and it ends up ugly. Briseis, in the cops car, he looked at me and said "can I have a kiss". I stood frozen as the cop said "no touching". All I said was "you stole from your work?". Oh lord. A mixture of the 2 diagnosis? Dr said "it doesn't mean has all traits of both. He has the lack of unemployment but yet he always worked before he met you. He seems to have never delt with his fathers abandonment and his mothers overbearing attitude. Esecially I could work with him and improve him because I see remorse and empathy. " So I'm totally confused! I'm black or white, you know?

#4 Oct 19 - 10PM (Reply to #25)

loveofmylife

Dr. Briseis

Have you read my story? Would love your opinion as well! :)

#5 Oct 19 - 12PM (Reply to #18)

Briseis

Unfrigginbelievable!! Life

Unfrigginbelievable!! Life is full of really decent, well meaning people with degrees who SPEAK OUT OF THEIR ASS. Since you were on the phone you probably missed the bad smell. It is not difficult at ALL to "diagnose" a personality disorder. In the least, identifying the traits in a person is super easy, a 12 year old with a little knowledge can do it. This "doc" knows enough to identify ASPD traits, but understands NOTHING about their psychodynamics OBVIOUSLY. He's as bad as a newbie on this board in his lack of understanding of NPD and ASPD if he thinks you could "work" with him and improve him because you see remorse and empathy. This doc would have you be your husband's therapist. And if HE could see remorse and empathy in your husband, there's only one explanation for it. Your husband FOOLED him. But you know better.

#6 Oct 19 - 3PM (Reply to #24)

MovinOnUp

This sounds just like the

This sounds just like the therapist that made me feel like a guilty piece of shit and caused me to waste... Another twelve years of my life.

#7 Oct 19 - 12PM (Reply to #19)

anonymous

Not Funny but

This whole topic is not funny, however this quote by our lovely Briseis is... "Since you were on the phone you probably missed the bad smell."

#8 Oct 19 - 1PM (Reply to #20)

Briseis

Nope, not funny at all . . .

Nope, not funny at all . . . ABSURD. It starts to get absurd after a while. It's the kind of "humor" that sets in with NC. Newbies who feel so stupid about how they were fooled should look at this poor "doctor" and not feel nearly so bad.

#9 Oct 19 - 2PM (Reply to #21)

blueeyes

brisies, it is not funny

When your a dr (getting paid) to HELP. I'm more lost now than ever. I will give a piano lesson on thursday instead of go to the therapist. Giving piano lessons to a child is more rewarding than getting mind F'ed by your therapist!

#10 Oct 19 - 2PM (Reply to #22)

Briseis

He's just extremely

He's just extremely misinformed and lacks direct experience. He'd be singing a different tune if he had any real life experience with having a Narc or an ASPD in intimate contact with him. I think part of therapist/shrink training should be a year as a BFF with someone with a personality disorder. Seriously. I can't even say it's the shrink's fault he's so clueless. He means well. His education is lacking. On the other hand, having someone you admire and trust with guiding your healing TELL you that you should stick around for more abuse just makes me want to find him and confront him. Nicely, of course. Which wouldn't work, and would get me a diagnosis from him, I'm sure :D Find another therapist. It's that simple. You've outgrown him, Blueeyes :) You will need a new therapist for your new life :)

#11 Oct 19 - 3PM (Reply to #23)

blueeyes

Briseis, wow! that is funny

My N spent 20 minutes trying to tell me exactly that. When they talk sometimes they are warning us. TY! XO

#12 Oct 19 - 7AM (Reply to #13)

anonymous

He Calls Himself a DOCTOR??

He says he can help your psycho with enough time (e.g. MONEY). Great. Good for him. But Blue Eyes - that has nothing to do with you. Do not waste another dime on your husband or his doctor who thinks he can work miracles. While I agree with his diagnosis of ASPD - all that means for you is to get the hell out. I think what your doctor told you is bordering on malpractice. By him telling you that he sees empathy in your husband, he's giving you a tiny little flame to hold onto that perhaps, one day, with enough expensive therapy, he will be 'cured' and become that loving husband you so badly wanted. There are enough statistics about these disorders that say that at least NINETY PER CENT of relationships with these rejects FAIL. Don't think that you'll be in the 10% unless you want to sacrifice every single shred of dignity you have left AND risk your children's LIVES. Blue Eyes - if your H's therapist wants to help your H on an individual basis and your H can afford it without spending YOUR money, that's between the two of them. My suggestion to you is to get this guy out of your house and your life, find your own individual therapist who has YOUR best interests at heart (make this all about YOU, not HIM) and get your kids out of this situation.

#13 Oct 19 - 11AM (Reply to #14)

blueeyes

Morty-

Thank you. I was wondering why this Dr would confuse me? Although, he is MY therapist. He isn't my H therapist. He is supposed to help me. I have another appt Thursday. I am confused but I can't decide if it's the info I am getting from this Dr or MY LIFE in general? I am a little frozen and then angry and then, BAM, sad! Then I hear a song I love, and I feel like my old self. Ugh, it's nuts. I fought my 1st husband for custody and missed my girls and I wasn't this tramatized? Probably becasue I knew I would win. I can't win this ladies. I know that. I am not trying to stay AT ALL. I want to be safe.

#14 Oct 19 - 12PM (Reply to #15)

wholeagain

Hmmm

Your therapist says "he isn't as bad as you think"? Excuse me? And he brings up ASPD then says he can help him and that he sees conscience and remorse? Hello, one of the key signs of ASPD is lack of conscience. So he's contradicting himself and confusing the hell out of you in the process. Is he saying he sees antisocial traits or that he feels your NH has ASPD? My understanding was that all ASPD are by definition narcissists but all narcissists are not ASPD. Like it's on a continuum. Anyway all that said your husband is a drug addict and klepto, has wreaked havoc in your family because of it, and *your* advocate is telling you he isn't that bad? Minimizing your experience? If it were me, I'd get a new therapist. Your feelings and thoughts have been minimized enough, and you've felt crazy enough, without your advocate adding to it.

#15 Oct 19 - 12PM (Reply to #16)

blueeyes

wholeagain, that's exactly right!

He said "he isn't as bad as you think." This was when I called him after our session. I am confused so now I'm doing my own research. I called the dr today again to complain. I have another appt Thursday. This dr did wonders for me in 2005 when I went thru my 1st divorce. I have asked him if he is knowledgeable on personality disorders and he said yes! We have been going since August. I'm starting to loose it. Do I sleep w one eye open cuz I'm living w a pscho?

#16 Oct 19 - 12PM (Reply to #17)

wholeagain

Hmm well

You're not the same person you were in 2005...your eyes are much more open than they were then I'm sure. So maybe the therapist that was right for you then may not be the one that's right for you now. I'm sensitive about how many people think we're blowing things out of proportion, which is why we come to this board where others understand the crazy situations for what they are. If my therapist had minimized I may not be anywhere near where I am today. In fact, she kept telling me that I was minimizing the danger I might be in. NPDs and ASPDs under stress may do things that you wouldn't think they were capable of doing. I thought she was being alarmist at first but I do see what she was saying now, especially after being on this board and reading all these stories. Many of us didn't learn proper self protection as kids, and/or weren't protected by our parents. This leads us to not be aware as we should be of danger around us. One of the steps of healing is to learn to protect ourselves from danger. Far safer to assume the worst and protect yourself accordingly than to brush it off as alarmist and get into a dangerous situation. xooxo

#17 Oct 18 - 6PM

blueeyes

please help? I'm totally Mad.

I'm reading Michelle and moonshine feeling low!!! Now I'm getting pissed. I am in total anger towards every PD person that brought US ALL here! I want them all to move to one country with no crossing the boarder! Seriously, how do I ever trust ANYONE again? Man, woman or co workers? It seems everyone is F'ed up!!!!!

#18 Oct 18 - 7PM (Reply to #9)

faithinthefuture

Must be in the air

Must be in the air blueeyes cuz driving home from work tonight I got sooo pissed thinking about all of us wonderful people and how we got f*d by the narcs in our life. They don't deserve shit from anyone! And I swear since going thru this experience my trust level is at ZERO! I know that's unfair to some but how the hell can anyone trust after what we've been through?!!! Please stay safe ok? The 27th is so close. I will say a prayer for you and your children.

#19 Oct 18 - 9PM (Reply to #10)

blueeyes

Thanks for all the help

Prayers and thoughts. I can do this. I fought my first pscho husband and I can do this one!

#20 Oct 18 - 6PM (Reply to #7)

wholeagain

I hear you Blueeyes

and I know that feeling of thinking any person you meet might be a narc or ASPD or psycho or whatever. You're in the crazazyiest part of this so take a deep breath, and know that when things are calmer they'll also be more clear. If you read your story...the red flags were there from the very beginning with the Narc. They usually do pop up early, we just have to get better at paying attention, and that'll be the work you need to do for yourself going forward. Listening to your gut and not rescuing stray puppies who admit that they've had a f*cked up life but are "all better now". You have a whole board of people here who are fundamentally sane and trustworthy and care very much about your wellbeing, so you know we're out there! Are things still on target for the 27th? xoxo

#21 Oct 18 - 6PM (Reply to #8)

blueeyes

god willing

He will be in jail. Then I will be safe and FREE!!!!!

#22 Oct 18 - 6PM (Reply to #2)

MovinOnUp

Oh, Blueeyes. I'm so sorry

Oh, Blueeyes. I'm so sorry you've had more bad news after everything you've faced recently. You must be absolutley exhausted. When does he go to court? Next week? Is there ANY place you can stay until then?

#23 Oct 18 - 6PM (Reply to #3)

blueeyes

Movinonup, thanks girl

I am literally beaten. I can't even function correctly. I'm at the food store right now in tears! It's almost 8pm and I'm food shopping! I was up at 4am. So, a lil physically tired too. My fam is 3 hrs away and the kids have school. YES, the 27th. Pls lord answer my prayers and remove this toxic man who died inside from my home without drama for the girls or baby to see? If not, its going to get ugly. I'm not into that.

#24 Oct 18 - 7PM (Reply to #4)

MovinOnUp

I'll PRAY that he's locked

I'll PRAY that he's locked up next week, Blueeyes. Until then, do your best not to back him into any corners or challenge him. You and your children's safety is the be all end all here. I fully understand you wanting to avoid an ugly drama. But if he scares you in any way, please grab the kids and head to his mothers. You'll all be in my prayers.

#25 Oct 18 - 7PM (Reply to #5)

blueeyes

thanks for the prayers!

Yes, his Mom said "he is a coward and all talk so ignore him and you will be safe." Whew! I need a break. I did see the red flags and I feel stupid. I know its not my fault. Now, I have to convince the followers (my daughters) that he is mental!

#26 Oct 18 - 7PM (Reply to #6)

MovinOnUp

Well, I'm glad you're not

Well, I'm glad you're not having to deal with a mother in denial. Don't feel stupid, Blueeyes. I feel for ya on having to deal with kids who don't get it yet. Sick how they seek the pity/sympathy from children. My kids are twenty-seven and thirty and they still don't get it.

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