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Reality

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#1 Nov 11 - 9AM
Linda
Linda's picture

Reality

All I know this a.m. is that all of this reality SUCKS!!! There are days I sooo want my old life back as I knew it before all this ugliness reared its head. Ignorance is bliss so I've heard.

And I sooo want to see XNH get his. No one should be able to ride as high for as long as he has. I know what the Lord says about that - "vengenance is mine". There are times when I really would like to extent my source of help in that area.

I'm 3 weeks NC and just take it one day at a time. I have figured out XNH's pattern. From about the end of Sept (which is the time when he left) thru the middle of October, he's in contact. His is seasonal so it seems. He's thru with me for now. I can say that from the get go he hasn't tried to come back at all - he just does the "hovering" thing during his mania phase.

I have a question. When they act like it doesn't bother them that you have a bf, does that mean they're really thru with you?

Nov 11 - 2PM
Scoop
Scoop's picture

when i was with the narc i

when i was with the narc i was going to a party and an argument kicked off about when he shouted at me because i was ill (nice eh?) i was really looking foward to this party i had made sandwiches to take but the thing was he wasnt going so he had to reuin it for me ... as i was leaving be said "why dont you go and get off with one of the men there i wont care " .... so i left and went to the party , i stayed about 10 minutes and went home back to my house where i was alone , at 2 coclock in the morning he text me and asked if i was alright ... i went to bed and didnt answer , at 7 oclock i wnet back to his house and got into bed with him and he said "where have you been i have been so worryed about you " and he was clinging on to me as if his live depended on it . i said "at the party and then i went back to pauls house for drinks " ... hahahahah..... he stuck by my side like a leech for a day or two but then the d&d started and ... man was it ugly . I knew when ever i hurt him i woukd get it in the neck a couple of days later . I did leave him and went out with a close friend of his ... the DR guy who i am still dating although we cooled it for a few months while i was healing .... my gut feeling he has over this is he is gutted , not because he loves me but because i was his "toy" not anyone elses. Will i ever hear from his lips that he is gutted ? NOOOOOO WAY will i , a narc has to win at any cost , not an inch would he give me on this one .But his vain hover attemps speak volums ... its true in this case is not listern to what they say ,watch what they do .xx
Nov 11 - 9AM
blueeyes
blueeyes's picture

Linda...

Your question? "When they act like it doesn't bother them that you have a bf, does that mean they're really thru with you?" I feel like I can honestly say they do not care about the fact if we have a B/F or not. It's about control, see, you could have a bf and you N may act like he doesn't care and he truely may not care but if he feels he still has control over you, then he won't show he cares. He only cares to control you, when that control is in question, he will show he cares. Do you think he still has a hold on you somehow? Does he still feel like he "has you" despite your efforts or NC?
Nov 11 - 10AM (Reply to #7)
Used
Used's picture

linda

with the narc ,he was a friend only but one day he said i hope you are not seeing anyone behind my back[he was.i didnt know ]i said no, which was true, but as time got on i got fed up with his lunacy and did have another male friend....omg the fallout was unbelievable, he threathed us both and that went on for months...i went back with him to stop the madness, it didnt work ,he never stopped going on about him, and said he would get rid of him, he couldnt..told me to give him up, and thats when it all came out about his 3year relationship...at the time i didnt know about narcsissm.but out of the blue he said i havent been having a relationship with name...i said ok where did that come from i know now he said it b/c he was so angry about my man freind...it all went belly up from that day onward.... i wish i had got out sooner, but i didnt and ended up a nervous wreck...13mnth nc now!!!PS 3of my freinds have his adress b/c he kept threating me, they said if anything happen to me they would go to the police, this is how scared they were for me....he had lost total control..
Nov 11 - 10AM (Reply to #8)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

"You don't want to be stuck with me"

The ex-Psych professor had been toying with the idea of marriage when we barely knew each other my freshman year. He compared us to Leo and Sofia Tolstoy... and if anyone reads about their marriage, it's pretty clear Leo was a Narc, and Sofia suffered from PTSD, so much so that she was apologizing to him at his grave daily, despite the fact he emotionally abused her. Some guides to marriage with Narcs say "feel free to have affairs on the side." The ex-P seemed to not mind I was dating junior year. After all, we never got romantically/physically involved (tho there were rumors) I'd even tell him, we're not formally a couple, so why do you mind? I also was using his "I'm the only man who'll put up with you" against him. Soooo, when I was dating, he'd complain to my classmates. DURING CLASS. He once said I was dating because "you don't want to be stuck with me." For once, I think that wasn't projection. I think it was the TRUTH. After the D&D, one of my friends said that my casual dating was basically me looking for the escape hatch, a way out. All the dating kept me from dating/getting physically intimate with a psychopath.... so in that case it was a win situation for ME.
Nov 11 - 10AM (Reply to #9)
Used
Used's picture

true

when i met a new male friend ,one of my freinds you are trying to get out...i said no i still liked narc but i think she was right...in my subconcious i must have been trying to get free.
Nov 11 - 10AM (Reply to #3)
chickon2
chickon2's picture

Blueeyes

Um.. You confused the shitte out of me with your answer.. AND it's to early for booze chickie.. I guess I should read about this more..hahaha
Nov 11 - 10AM (Reply to #4)
blueeyes
blueeyes's picture

LoL Linda!

Thanks for the laugh, I am having a rough day so thanks for making me smile!!!! Ok, I will back it up. you think he doesn't care about you having a b/f? Right? I answered that he may not care, or he may. But with a Narc, it's about controlling you. If he still feels control over you, he may act like he doesn't care. It's all about how HE feels. You know? Sorry, honey, I am in despair today upset dying in pain and I babble.
Nov 11 - 10AM (Reply to #5)
chickon2
chickon2's picture

blueeyes

AND it's me chickon2 not LINDA.. You are a hott mess today mama.. AND That is A OK.. HUGS... let me read your post....... Don't Despair... We are here (hate that it doesn't rhyme perfectly)
Nov 11 - 11AM (Reply to #6)
blueeyes
blueeyes's picture

Chickon2....

I am a big mess today..Thanks for the smile! I will get through, I am feeling I am on the verge of something? I need to outlet some of this emotion. So, if you all don't hear from me, don't fret, it means I ran away..lol..
Nov 11 - 9AM
chickon2
chickon2's picture

Linda

I could of written this ... I was texting with my bestie this morning.. I want him to GET HIS..now..today.. It has been 3 months..We have broken up.. AND I can't even tell you how many women.. He has hooked up with or has tried to hook up with. AND I should not care, but i HAAAAAAATE IT.. I hate it that he is now spoling this new one.. THe married one.. taking her to concerts..telling her that she is the one, and why can't time be rewound the same lines... I hate it.. He hurt me and my babies and my family and the REALITY is that my babies and the family have probably gotten over it and I am still holding on to the anger and why? b/c I wanted to believe him I would give back all the jewelry, concerts, cruise all of it for it to be genuine sorry i got on my own soap box. I have no idea about hovering, or seasonal, or any of that.. But know that I know how you feel.. hugs...