Not very impressed.

27 posts / 0 new

#1 Aug 10 - 10AM

whatever2009

Not very impressed.

Ladies,

How did you cope with the feelings of inadequacy? and the fact he was a lie and your relationship was a joke. I find that as I start to hate him more, not answering and continuing no contact gets easier..however the loneliness stings.

Anyway, mine sent me an email telling me this,

I did not respond, is this for real? I dont understand how one person can be so pathetic. He treated me like a gf.
He mislead me. Im not crazy, he is. He will never be better and can never do any better. His time will come,
and I hope it hurts. I wasted too many tears and too many conversations on him/about him.

Im very UPSET!

#2 Aug 12 - 9AM

James (not verified)

The language of Itâ€™s all About Him

I dont know what you ever seen in me. Everything I am is a lie. I told you one day you would smarten up and leave me. I think your the best thing that ever happened to me as you have made me a better person. Im the best, when Im with you. Altho you were never my gf, you were my bestfriend and I will always love you. You were so good to me...You are right, everything I do in my life is to tell a story and show off, but thats what makes me who I am. When your married one day, I still hope to be a part of your life. Please dont close the door on me. Whenever you received a letter email or written correspondents like this please count how many times the note refer to I Me and Mine from the writer. This will tell you who the letter is really written for. You see this letter is still all about him and really has nothing whatsoever to do with you. I do hope you donâ€™t reply because in reality you're really replying back to the writer who wrote this only for himself and not for you. What a good source of supply for him if you do reply. Im very UPSET! And you SHOULD BE! He not giving you anything and again itâ€™s all about his needs and nothing to do with yours!! http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/

#3 Aug 13 - 7AM (Reply to #22)

whatever2009

RIGHT!

Your 100% right James!!! Im not responding, I dont even know what to say.... "IM sorry, YOUR a pathetic idiot, IM sorry I could not make you normal and put up with your lies and manipulative ways" He will never change, so really whats the point. I did notice all the "I" responses, pretty sad. Im just at a loss for words right now. All I ever wanted was someone to care, but instead I repeated the pattern of my life. At least I will never do that again!!

#4 Aug 13 - 7AM (Reply to #23)

James (not verified)

whatever2009

At least I will never do that again!! And this is all we can really do! I know I too tell myself over and over again this very statement, "never never again!!!"

#5 Aug 13 - 7AM (Reply to #24)

whatever2009

Yes!

I know im not ready to start dating again. However, my friend had this guy she wanted me to meet.... we were out one night...and BAMMMMM....he starts telling me all the stuff he doesnt have and all the excuses and lays his life out all over the table, so many inconsistencies and he was COCKY!!!! right then and there....I said to myself, yes he is hot and yes he is another pathetic loser....I ran like hell... lol lol!!!

#6 Aug 13 - 2PM (Reply to #25)

neveragain

Interesting....Did someone just turn on the lights?

Funny how the further away I get from the brainwashing/gaslighting/morbidly grotesque projecting I received from my N, the more CLEARLY I can see the traits in other people! I'm amazed at how many people out there are damaged and twisted.....but yet, they LOOK normal. It's only when they open their mouths and what comes out is so blatantly narcissistic that it boggles my mind. They're out there, people!! nevergain

#7 Aug 13 - 2PM (Reply to #26)

Barbara (not verified)

what's scary is...

studies imply there's more of them than US! this is why educating others about pathology is so VITAL! see how great NC is??? the clarity you eventually get is astounding. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily "Some women can fake an orgasm. But some men can fake an entire relationship!" - Sharon Stone

#8 Aug 11 - 8AM

whatever2009

I hurt today.

I want to cry. Im really sad, altho Im able to function. Im just VERY disappointed in myself....I know/knew better the whole time. Its just when he would tell me how special I was I ate it up. I wanted to be loved so bad, that I let it be okay. Now all I have done is damaged myself, and have to endure this recovery process. I hate myself for being a door mat, but I hate him more for using my history to get in my head/heart. I mistook jealously for love, boundaries being crossed for love, constant attention for love, amazing sex for love. When really it was just for his ego. Wow, when written out like that,it makes things more real and really disappointing. Thanks for listening everyone!!

#9 Aug 12 - 8AM (Reply to #20)

finallydone

Yes Yes and Yes

All I can say is I'm very sorry you're feeling all of that because I know how bad it is. Everything you just wrote... ditto for me!! Hang in there! Everyday I wake up and think, "Oh God here we go again." And I wonder what he'll try to pull... I would like to get to that magic day where I don't care anymore. It's hard to believe that can happen.

#10 Aug 11 - 9PM (Reply to #19)

Marie

Whatever2009

I will join your club. I did the very same thing, made excuses for his bad behavior and turned a blind eye to things because I fell so in love with him. I know he just used me it's obvious now, it was obvious at times then too but to be without him hurt so much. Yesterday I felt so lonely and today my thoughts took me to all the signs that he wasn't in love with me like I was led to believe. I was going to make a list on here of all the signs that D&D was inevitable that my "relationship" was all in my head. He really had me believing I was so special and then he was able to just totally cut me out of his life. When I think about it though I was never in his life it was all fake. So I don't know what hurts worse losing what I thought was love or realizing it was never real. One of the first times he dumped me I knew something was going to happen. I was walking my daughter home from school and we passed by his place as usual. His kid was outside, my daughter would usually stay to play but we began noticing as soon as he'd see us he'd go in. That's the first time the calls and emails stopped. My calls wouldn't be returned and twice when my daughter went by to play the door wasn't answered. This was just one instance there are so many others. When I think of them I can't understand why I didn't end things sooner.

#11 Aug 11 - 9AM (Reply to #15)

Scoop

Im having a hard time today

Im having a hard time today too , i just feel emotionaly drained , when i think of all the loving things he would say , he made me feel more loved than anyone ever had and i have had men in love with me before and it wasnt the same . I was also thinking about normal break ups and what they feel like , it has been 10 years since i had someone leave me and i dont remmber these feeling , at the moment i just feel compleatly useless . He wants to see me and its so hard not to respond . so i came here instead . I really wonder if i will ever be happy again , just getting out of bed is such a huge effot , and i cant stop crying for more than a few hours apart . its nearly 7 weeks now since the break up are these feelings normal ? Peru x

#12 Aug 11 - 8PM (Reply to #18)

Marie

Peru

I can't tell you how long it took me to finally stop crying. Even now I may cry but it's not losing him, it's more about loneliness and wanting to feel loved. I know exactly what you are going through. It's a very difficult time I won't lie about that, it sucks. Mine made me feel the same way I can't even describe the feeling. He was so persistent in the beginning and whenever we were meeting someplace my heart would always skip when he walked in. He just had this amazing presence for me. But that's when I knew things were over, I could feel him withdrawing from me way before it happened. It was one of the things I was thinking about today. I made a mental list of all the little signs that D&D was going to happen. Which led me to my final question whether he really ever loved me. Do you think yours ever really loved you? It's too obvious to me now it was a game and once his agenda was met that was that. Of course he wasn't going to end it, I don't think he wanted to do that but wanted me to be kept on the side. That, I didn't want. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time today. That's what is bad about these guys if they would just break up and leave you alone.Mine always had the knack of coming around just when I was almost there, he would make everything come crumbling down by being pretend guy. Now he's just Mr. Nasty, which is hurtful in a different way because I'm sure it's only that way for me. One day you won't be able to cry. There are things I have to ask you, don't expect a response it's just food for thought. Why are you crying? Are you crying over the good memories that are gone or do you miss him? In all the time you spent with him how much did you cry then? In being totally honest with myself as wonderful as he made me feel, he also made me feel terrible more of the time. Feel better, it will take time and there will be set backs. It was seven months before I actually felt alive and wanted to do things. Give yourself time.

#13 Aug 11 - 1PM (Reply to #16)

Barbara (not verified)

very very normal

just know we have ALL felt that way. We have ALL been there. Heck I was seriously suicidal off & on. You are not alone. only 7 weeks? That's just a couple months. Around 18 months is the earmark for some relief from the deprogramming process ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily "Some women can fake an orgasm. But some men can fake an entire relationship!" - Sharon Stone

#14 Aug 12 - 8AM (Reply to #17)

Rose-Marie (not verified)

Whew

Thanks for that Barbara. I have had a terrible day today and it has been nearly three months for me - in the beginning I did not even want to get out of bed. As long as I know there will be a light at the end of the tunnel I'll keep going. Just feel lonely today.

#15 Aug 10 - 5PM

insectt (not verified)

Yes, if you feel a need to

Yes, if you feel a need to respond, come here and let out steam and decompress.....tell US how you feel about him. We will care more than he does anyway....

#16 Aug 10 - 4PM

baddream

He is an N, no doubt about it.

He knows what he is and so do you. Mine could have written the exact same note, I understand your pain and know how hard it is to love the pretend guy, feel sorry for the real guy and hate him for what he did to you--all at the same time. Mine is starting to make gestures, it is just a matter of time before he contacts me. I must be strong. Do not respond to yours, because if you do, you will feel even worse.

#17 Aug 10 - 4PM

insectt (not verified)

Yes. You are allowd to feel

Yes. You are allowd to feel upset. it isn't easy dealing with these people. Do your best wiht No Contcat, though. I know it is hard but it realy, really is the best thing. Since they all say similar things (sounds EXACTLY what my N has said to me. EXACTLY) I undertsand when you hear it you long for them to be a real person and MEAN it. But they don't. And here is what you tell yourself....If i really WAS his best friend (i am sure you WERE his but he is NOT yours...would he be the first person you would call if you were stranded on the highway at 3:00am...probably not..) if you really were his BEST FRIEND, he would not TREEAT YOU THE WAY HE DID. Think about YOUR best friend. Would you really do any of the things he did to you, to them? No, you wouldn't. Yes, you WERE good to him and don't deserve to be treated the you were. When you are married day it will because you will YOUR HUSBANDS BEST FRIEND, LOVER and prior to marriage, your future husbands GIRLFRIEND. So, no you WON'T want ex-N to be a part of your life, because, by then you will realize that all he did was take from you and then eventually discard and devalue you. REAL PEOPLE don't do this to their friends and people they love. Since I hear the same things, I tell myself the same thing and mentally flip him the bird. I have NC with my N and I live with the guy. Our exchanges are limited to bills and pet care. I seen him wiht his new girlfriend at a mutual friend's wedidng yesterday. Although it was heart wrenching, I maintained overall good spirits and NC and played the above dialogue in my head. You are free now...fly as high you want. :)

#18 Aug 10 - 12PM

whatever2009

UGH!

These guys are something else.... The manipulation they use to keep you around. He knows how screwed up my life was growing up and he pushes all those buttons. The...feel sorry for me, take care of me, I love you BUTTONS. He makes me sick.

#19 Aug 10 - 12PM (Reply to #5)

Marie

UGH is right!

I always love these emails. I keep them around to remind me what a lying manipulating bastard mine is. He says that to me all the time that he's so glad to still be able to be a part of my life. Huh? Havent' had contact with him in a month and that's part of my life. Whatever. Funny though he went from asking me once in an email how I felt about him as a person whether I still liked him at least as a person. That even to have a small piece of my heart meant so much to him. Then not too long after that email I ran into him when he was getting in his car and he gave me the most hate filled glare. They are sick, sick people. He also once asked me if when he died would I attend the funeral. I told him I've already mourned his passing. When I asked if he would attend any of his exs funerals he said "yes, you be sure." Just odd I try not to let all these warped conversations get to me.

#20 Aug 10 - 1PM (Reply to #6)

whatever2009

oh yes!

wow, the write from the same book. Oh yes, and how could I forget the best line...I use to look at you and think, how did I ever get so lucky, she is so pretty and so amazing, what is she doing with me. BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARF!

#21 Aug 10 - 1PM (Reply to #7)

Scoop

Oh you will like this one ,

Oh you will like this one , my narc said one evening out of the blue "if you died i would take to my bed and they would find me days later drowned in my own tears " about an hour after he said this he started yet another argument .Its no wonder my head is mash potato ! Peru x

#22 Aug 10 - 5PM (Reply to #10)

Marie

OMG Peru

That line is a keeper. It could almost be laughable if it wasn't all so tragic. Mine would often say similar things or tell me how much he missed me if we had been apart any length. He would then promise to call or be online later for a chat only to disappear for days. So much for missing me. Or I then would catch him signing on 5-10 min after me but only long enough to scan mail. I definitely don't miss the confusion he caused. I'm so busy with work to have that added stress would surely break me.

#23 Aug 10 - 2PM (Reply to #8)

whatever2009

actually...

I believe that, he would cry because he could no longer control you. And his tears would be fake for the tv show in his head. My N...use to say everyone is a character in his life. They all serve a purpose and come in and out like characters. Yes, Im in love with this moron. UGHHH. Im disgusted with my tolerance sometimes.

#24 Aug 10 - 4PM (Reply to #9)

Barbara (not verified)

no you're not

no - you're in love with YOURSELF. He took bits of YOU and projected them because he is NOTHING. He used what you 'wanted' and 'became' that thing until he had you locked in. NOT EVEN HUMAN! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily Online Coaching for Victims of Narcissists/ Psychopaths

#25 Aug 10 - 2PM

tina

Wimpy Ass Game Player

This is exactly what he his. He is just wanting you to feel sorry for him. What a joke. I am so tired of them turning it into them when they act like they are talking about us! Get real. Man, I'm in a mood today...

#26 Aug 10 - 11AM

finallydone

He's full of it!

Your question about how do we cope? Well... if you see my post from last night... not very well at all sometimes. But I've seen similar stuff from mine... right before he gets mad and starts being hateful again. I'm sorry you got this really absurd email. On my way to work this morning I realized that what makes me the most upset is having to come to grips with it being all a big lie and how much time I spent on it. I understand how upset you are... . I really really do! I wish I had an answer so we'd both feel better. But I'm really really hoping there is something Karma! Hang in there!

#27 Aug 11 - 3AM (Reply to #2)

James (not verified)

They all do this

I remember when my ex tried this BS with me (being nice) and it made me feel physically ill!!! I knew it was fake just like her! Please don't buy into this nice cop bad cop BS!! http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/

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