Love Yourself

Thanks... same guy different body LMFAO... Well mine was certainly different body.. and you so right, i'm reading stuff about 'knowing thyself'... And i couldn't agree more... I'm getting to the stage where i couldn't care about the her and the boss it's about ME. I'm focussing on myself. I'm off to see my kids this morning meeting a friend for lunch and probably chill out tonight.. with a beer and a book. But its what i want to do and not having to think about someone else's agenda.

Some people need more time to extricate themselves than others. Processing the experiences happens more slowly or more quickly, and however you process them, or I do, is dependent on so many different variables. I wholeheartedly agree that the goal of healing is to love yourself. For the longest time, though, those were just words to me. I've heard them my whole life. I agreed with them, but they were not meaningful like they are now. I didn't have much awareness of a self I should be loving at all! Besides, it sounded . . . self preoccupied, or something. Standing in front of a mirror and chanting affirmations. Huh? Being in a relationship with a Narc undermines and destroys our sense of our own dignity and importance as individuals. We are overtly or subtly punished for each assertion of ourselves. We learn quickly to NOT do what gets us hurt. It isn't rocket science, even the ameoba got this down lol!! Avoid painful stimuli. Even a nasty LOOK from your Narc is enough to make you pull back and rethink. It happens so often, so quickly and so CONSTANTLY that we don't even know it's happening until it's too late and we're already torn to pieces and questioning our own sanity. This is just life with a Narc. For a long time, you know your Narc is a narc (at least you're pretty sure) but . . . he does UNnarc-like things. He loves his dog or treats so and so with respect, so maybe it's something about me?? These things need to be brought forward for feedback. Ya need to talk about the Narc . . . as long as you need to. There DOES come a point where you watch someone fall into the same damn hole and don't seem to learn that they should walk AROUND the hole. It's the practise of moderators and admins to gently but firmly call this out. People refuse to block the Narc and basically allow themselves to stay open to further abuse. That's their choice, and we won't kick them off the board for it, BUT, they won't be let off the hook either. Friends don't do that to each other. Those of us who moderate have been there/done that to the point it's pretty clear when it's TIME to deliberately shift the focus. Most people do it naturally on their own. A few need a nudge :) We do need reminders of what the ultimate goal is here. We don't need to feel like we aren't "progressing" fast enough. Ya can't push a river, it will go as fast or as slow as it's supposed to.

Sometimes it is important in the process of healing to discuss the N a bit here. I know this can look like it is perpetuating their training of us and yes, the goal is to detangle "us" from "them" and start to see "our needs" and "our strengths" as things that are separate from the N and thus claim ourselves back. I just don't want people to stop posting about the N because they think they will be judged for it. Everyone is in a different place in their recovery and sometimes it is theraputic to get it all down and have someone else validate or invalidate what is going on in our mind as far as the N goes. Hugs to all that are in recovery, regardless of where you are in your process!!

i am with you all the way sista!! i am surrounded by people who love me, have a great apartment, awesome daughters and a great god. i pulled out decorations today and put on "my" cheesy christmas music. life's great!!

You sound just like me I'm rollin in my car rockin out cuz I'm a rocker chic not giving a shit that I emailed him!

: ) Thanks for the awesome reminder. It's funny, my ex-N kept telling me to 'be true to myself', but he used it as part of his D&D, to tell me that loving him & wanting to move near him wasn't really 'being true to myself.' I can read your post and enjoy the original, un-twisted intent of 'be true to yourself.' Enjoy being a rock star tonight. ; ) -Leah