This hurts....

http://www.lisaescott.com/2011/02/19/retrain-your-brain

It lasted close to 3 years, but if I knew then what I know now, it could have been shortened. I say "shortened" not "avoided" because we cannot avoid pain. Nor should we. We must process our pain in order to move on. I got stuck in an obsessive-compulsive cycle of thought in an attempt to avoid having to feel. Mental rituals that consumed my mind. Mental gymnastics, if you will. If I hadn't gotten stuck, I might have pulled out of the darkness sooner. My mom literally drove downtown, pulled me out of work and took me to the doctor to get me to snap back to reality. My mind was gone. Initially some medication and then Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which I had never tried before. Working with a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist (CBT) to retrain my brain is what finally helped me move on. In my opinion, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is the most effective form of treatment for retraining your brain. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a type of treatment that has been around for the last forty to fifty years, but has just recently been gaining popularity. I believe it’s easiest to explain CBT by quoting Einstein’s definition of insanity: “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, but expecting a different result.” ~Albert Einstein We all are guilty of this at times. It’s human nature. However, when it becomes a destructive pattern of behavior or negative thinking pattern, we must find a way to address it, right? Well, in my opinion, CBT is exactly what is required in order to change this kind of obsessive thinking. Exposure Response Prevention (ERP) is the most common treatment in CBT and what it does is retrain your brain to respond differently to stimuli so you can stop engaging in self-destructive behavior. The idea being that responding differently will bring about a more positive result. Cognitive therapy teaches us not to give others the power to upset us. We can easily allow other people or events to de-rail us and cause us great unhappiness. However, it’s not about what happens to us but how we RESPOND to it that matters, right? CBT is a “doing” therapy whereby the licensed therapist takes you through different mental exercises in an effort to help retrain your brain. This therapy is not easy as the exercises can be difficult and anxiety provoking at times, but it is incredibly effective. CBT is based on the belief that emotional disturbance is caused by distorted or irrational reasoning. Humans can be influenced to think illogically. This warped way of thinking can be acquired at any point in someone’s life. Obviously, as a result of the toxic relationship we were in, we were influenced to think illogically and doubt ourselves. We no longer trust our judgment and are experiencing severe anxiety. We have been brainwashed by our ex and need to deprogram from them. We need to "Retrain Our Brain," which I'll talk more about in my next blog. Hope this is helpful in some way. xoxo

Hi Titta22, I've been away from the narc for a year now and NC for about 6 months and I'd like to reassure you that what you're going through with the emotional swings is entirely normal and actually helping you move back into your own strength and a better place. I remember so many days and nights, for months, feeling the almost uncontrollable urge to reach out to him but somehow would find enough strength not to. Someone advised me to allow myself to feel the sadness and hurt - to not be afraid to wallow in it - to allow the process to happen. At the time, it seemed weak and self-indulgent but did it anyway. And it really helped. Try to imagine your life as you really want it to be without the narc and keep focused on that. Give yourself time and love yourself now. Life will get better. You will be happy again. Releasing what doesn't work for you frees you up for the "right" guy to come along. He's out there waiting for you to get over the narc. A psychologist told me something a few weeks ago that really rang a bell with me. He said that we CANNOT ATTRACT anyone who is mentally healthier than we are. That really inspired me to get my act together. No doubt these narcs have really screwed us all up. This is our healing time - cry your eyes out as much as you want. That's what will get you to a healthier self. Hugs.

never dreamed of Narc when i was with him the first time. I never dreamed of him on the second round with him. My first dream where he was involved was after the final D and D. We were in a car and he locked all the locks. He drove into a lake and we were drowning, i could not get out, then suddenly we were both out of the car, i tried to get him to come up to the top with me, but he was dead and i left him at the bottom of the lake. More and more dreams came, I seen what he was 'up to' with new GF, using her for sex,using her for a 'free' holiday, i seen the mask that he was wearing. He was truly horrible and i felt disgusted with him. Most of my dreams do not involve him now. I cant remember the last one of him, i dream only of the people around him now. I had a terrible dream a while ago of me 'beating' new GF, i was so shocked of my behaviour in this dream. :(