The Rage that comes along with this?!

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#1 Feb 28 - 4AM

Trulybroken

The Rage that comes along with this?!

I've read a few threads on here where many talk of the rage they felt and rage they never had before being with a narc!

I too felt a strong and scary rage towards life and my ex. I was in 2 very long term relationships before him and never raged or felt rage and my ex's did bad things, but were not narcs.

With this narc ex, for the first time in MY LIFE, I physically attacked him. And felt rage that scared me at times.
My ex's ex wife and ex GF before me, also attacked him to the point the police were called.
He just said "we're all crazy" He didn't identify that he was the cause.

I would have "revenge fantasies" (as my therapist called them), in that I would imagine the ex tied to a chair while I yelled at him about all the hurt he caused me and then picture me hitting him in the head with a bat to knock him out"

I mean WOW! I run an animal shelter, work with the homeless and don't kill spiders or flies and I was having thoughts about knocking his head off with a bat?!

My therapist's comment "totally normal to feel rage against narcs"

Why does this rage appear with narcs especially!

#2 Feb 28 - 1PM

michele115 (not verified)

I think if you're sane...

Lisa has written on how anger is actually our human nature's self defense mechanism; however, what we've been subjected to was a stealth insidious slow burn...SO when the volcano erupts it ERUPTS!!! There is also something to be said about the mirroring. Because of this mirror dynamic...this reflection...somehow they masterfully push ALL the right buttons. Narcs are operating on repressed rage. I think once their campaign is coming to a close we actually manifest and take on their rage and there goes the powder keg! They leave you insane for a time...which is how we all end up labeled "bi-polar" and some of the other Narc diagnoses they love to "Project" onto us...we really end up serving as "pods" for all their demented thoughts and feelings. It's a ride...but yes, rage like no other...but imagine...what state of mind would we be in reacting any other way? I think it makes a statement about how much we do value and care about ourselves when such a reaction results. THERE ARE WOMEN who continue to take it...and WHY?...at some point awareness and reality sets in some make a choice...some are too brainwashed and harmed to get out of the rabbithole. I think the rage is actually a great sign of strength...it is our inner self fighting back. It is self defense regardless of how "insane" it seems...

#3 Feb 28 - 2PM (Reply to #10)

Disillusionedx2

awesome response

Michele, so very true, but imagine those who weren't able to control the rage and end up hurting N and ruining their life, it has happened. We're survivors of the N~storm, rueful indeed, thoughts and dreams of revenge of any kind, I'd still like to have revenge, I am by living well and letting him move on with his horrid existence, he's a train wreck, over and over and over again, that's the BEST revenge right there, he will NEVER have a successful relationship, he will never know what it feels like to truly love another human being, you will have periods of rage and anger, we all do/will, so long as no action is taken on it, you certainly don't want to ruin your life due to his disorder, best wishes.

stay~strong

#4 Feb 28 - 1PM (Reply to #9)

Susan32

The volcano

What's weird is that during the final D&D, when I declared my love to the ex-Psych prof, I'd compare myself to a volcano to my friends. We can see volcanoes as destructive, leveling things, sending ash into the skies... or as creative, making new land, renewing the soil. When I told him I loved him, HE was the one who let loose his repressed rage. He was offended;he was discomfited (he used "discomfited" a lot, a very refined word that sounds so Colin Firthy) I KNOW he wanted me to act out in rage... so I didn't. He'd be raging at me in public, and towards the end I'd be putting on the therapist's voice, trying to get him to explain himself, explain his feelings... I was an amateur MFT,or an intern at UMass Medical. I was so ticked during the final D&D when friends would say that I shouldn't be angry... I had been lied to, betrayed, taunted, abandoned during times of actual need, emotionally blackmailed... and I wasn't supposed to be angry? The ex-Psych prof would say that "people mock me to defend themselves from me." Ahhh, humor. The best weapon. Even the famous activist Saul Alinsky said that humor is a weapon against which there is no defense. Towards the end the ex-P was raging because I was NOT raging. When I wished him&his fiancee happiness&companionship... he raged about how I had violated his personal boundaries, imposed on him. It's almost like I KNEW deep down he wanted to see me rage&lose control... that's why he sabotaged my teacher education program... so I didn't. I knew what he WANTED, so I withheld it from him. After the final D&D, I explained his hurtful actions to him, with a smile of smug superiority&he snapped "STOP SMILING!" He had all this repressed rage... and he had to own up to it. I didn't want to be his vessel. As for mocking him as a form of self-defense, I'm assuming it works as Narc repellent.

#5 Feb 28 - 1PM

Trulybroken

Oh thank God, you're all

Oh thank God, you're all crazy like me! ;-) Phewwww, I thought I was the only one having these horrible feelings. It's like these people are dead fish and we want to poke them to WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!! They really do drive one mad. I thought it was me and when I started to get the feelings about punching him, I was SO take aback! When he told me his ex's attacked him, I thought they were nuts! Now I get it! He's the poor victim and all these women attack him! You're right, one day he will piss the RIGHT women off and she will act on this rage! No CLUE how my ex was married to the same women for 20 yrs, How did she not kill him? She cheated on him and then kicked him out and stayed single for 7 yrs. I know how she felt

#6 Feb 28 - 11AM

prettypeeved

I just fantasise about

I just fantasise about punching him out. Generally after exposing his evil to a room full of people he's conned.

#7 Feb 28 - 11AM

fooled no longer

avoid avoid avoid. ignore

avoid avoid avoid. ignore thats their game. Its what the nazis did to their victims. ignore them treat them like objects, dehumanize them. thats the worst torture of all. Today having said i would let nothing he said get to me, find myself fantasising about slamming his head in the car door!!! Today I was walking behind him after his terrible D and D and I went up behind him. If I had a gun hed be history instead i hit him feebly on the back. I would love to kick him so hard in the nuts until his tonsils fell out. Violent yes, but thats the only tool they leave you with love and care dont work on them, nor does communication.

#8 Feb 28 - 2PM (Reply to #5)

Disillusionedx2

lol FNL

When are you going to rid yourself of that disease? best wishes!

stay~strong

#9 Feb 28 - 5AM

sara-smile

TrulyBroken

I have the same fantasies! I would love to tie the idiot to a chair and yell at him and make him read all about being a Narc and go over in detail every crappy thing he's ever done to me and then have the ex wives and girlfriends have a turn at him too! HA HA HA!!! I've fantasized about hitting him with a baseball bat, a chair, a car and anything else I could pick up! I've never been raging and violent until I met him. They bring out the worst in us. They keep us so confused and spinning that we can't make sense of what is going! The trauma that they create is so horrible that we just want them to feel some kind of pain and since they can't feel it emotionally then maybe they could physically! Your rage and fantasies are normal. Enjoy them but don't act on them! LOL! They aren't worth jail time. I have to repeat that to myself a lot. Hang in there. It gets better with time. Sara

#10 Feb 28 - 5AM

Scoop

Oh thats a good rage fantasy

Oh thats a good rage fantasy , mine use to consist of me and a cricket bat him and his head . One day i believe our narc will piss off the right person and end up with a knif in thier back . I love animals ans children and i have never been violent in my life apart from my brother when we where kids and i liken my narc to that , my brother knew me so well he knew what buttons to press in me so i would spin out at him and my narc did the same , the diffrence is my brother and i where kids but my narc is an adult but he is still doing it to people . They never get past about 6 emotionaly and that is what you are dealing with a 6 year old . Rage it is a very important stage in recovory and it gose in time .. Big Love Scoop x

#11 Feb 28 - 4AM

Hunter

Truly Broken

What's wrong with knocking his head off with a bat??? …..Just kidding!!!! Even an aggressive dog can be cured with love and attention. It's sad to think that this is not the case with the Narc. You need to put him down,mourn and move forward. Narcs are very good at getting right under your skin like ring worm. Ring worm has a cure and so does being Narced. Once you remove the cancer you start feeling better. These are very disordered individuals, its sad in a way, but when it affects you its worse. as the old saying goes "charity starts at home". NC,NC,NC. Go play with the puppies you work with they enjoy the love you provide, and the love they give back , Its IDEAL Good Luck, Idealk

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