How to work through this INSANE anger?

I wish I could use my anger to finally put him in jail, but I can't bring myself to do it. My ex-N is stalking and harassing me. Just an hour ago he got into my house and went through my phone and wouldn't let me leave the room. I've locked all the windows and doors and checked them over and over again. I'm the prisoner...a prisoner in my own house. Why don't I just report him for violating an injunction?

I wrote a letter also that I did not sent to him. But mainly I am angry with myself because I saw all the red flags and was uncomfortable from the very start and I ignored the flags and my gut feelings. I play over how he treated me and how I did not get out. The fact that I put up with that kind of treatment still bothers me. It was not like he was all that great to me even in the beginning. It makes me feel like I was so desperate I settled for someone I knew was not right. So although I was with him only a short time, I don't think I will ever get over the fact that I fell for him in the first place.

Ahh the anger stage is a ride and a half ! my goodness crazy times , swinging from wanting to plunge a knife into him to wanting to hug him as if youre life depends on it . Embrace the anger , it is the only way , know that it dosnt last for ever and the more you allow youre self to feel it the shorter it will last , for me it was about 6 weeks but we all are diffrent (although i am consontly amazed at how humans experence grief the same , its the same feeling from the smallest tribe in the jungle to us modern folk in the west ... amazing ) Feel the anger but do not break no contact , write here , scream , punch a pillow , i rode my bike like a woman posessed around town, sweat pouring ,muttering to myself ,manic laughter and tears .Do what ever you need to do to get it out , if you break no contact now to tell him a few home truths all that will do is send him the message that you are sorce of supply , in short he will love it... they are that sick that any attention tells them all they need to know and expect youre buttons to be pushed , he will either write back being a complete wanker of he will do the "withholding" trick and say nothing which trust me makes this anger you feel right now look like a walk in the park !!! Stay close , vent it all out ... big love Scoop x

helped me greatly deal with my anger and frustration. The N disappeared on me and after alot of dirt digging I found out her was married. I was so angry, so disgusted I was unable to sleep and was never ever able to tell him what I thought of him. He is such a low life coward! Be sure to get some really good cardio in for the next few weeks, make it a routine, believe me it does help! best to you!

I know the feelings of anger are intense. You can and should write a letter, but do NOT send it to him. Write it for yourself and share it here with us, but do not give him the satisfaction of sharing it with him. The ladies are right, he will only use it to make you look bad and it will give him satisfaction he does not deserve. Instead, honor your anger. Get it out! Many of us were taught to repress anger, especially women. Anger has a negative connotation because most people associate it with aggression. But in reality, anger is followed by violence only 10 percent of the time, according to Howard Kassinove, PH.D., co-author of Anger Management: The Compete Treatment Guide for Practice. Many of us are conditioned to feel shame for feeling any feelings of anger. We feel guilty if we express anger. It’s important to realize this is irrational and keeps us stuck. We must feel our feelings to heal! It is ok to be angry about how we were treated in the past. We must acknowledge and honor our feelings. We are entitled to feel the way we do. We may not only feel shame, but in the case of our Narcissist, we simply do not want to face the truth. To face the truth means we have to make changes in our life that will not be easy. It takes courage to get real. I know I buried my head in the sand for years at the end of my marriage. I didn’t want to admit that my marriage was not working. It is simply easier to deny things sometimes. However, to deny our feelings is to deny our true self and is no way to live. Used productively, anger can help us restore our self-esteem and exert more control over our lives. Processing our anger is absolutely critical to our recovery. However, we must be careful in how we process it. Anger is neither a positive or negative emotion. How we respond and react to anger is what makes all the difference in the world. The key is not to avoid anger, the key is to learn how to RESPOND to anger. The idea of constructive anger is gaining a great deal of empirical support lately. Research tells us that processing our anger in productive ways leads to health benefits. Experts say that constructive anger can improve intimate and work relationships. It is one thing to stay silent when you disagree with someone or something, but quite another to simply allow others to walk all over you. Some of you may just be starting to realize what an abusive relationship you were really in. I would guarantee that feelings of anger and resentment towards your significant other are what finally caused you to see the light and take action. Anger is a natural defense mechanism designed to protect us from abuse. We should never deny our feelings of anger. Anger like all feelings is a normal, healthy and essential emotion. Getting angry does not make you a bad person. Personally, I believe without this instinct we would be extinct. Anger is a biological safeguard to ensure our survival. Anger is our body’s response to internal or external demands, threats and pressures. Anger warns us that there is a problem or a potential threat. At the same time, it gives us courage to face the problem or meet the threat by providing us with a release of the hormone adrenaline. Adrenaline prepares us to meet the threat by raising our defenses and giving us a boost of energy. This in turn provides us with added strength to fight off our enemy or added speed in which to run from the enemy. Think of Darwin’s survival of the fittest theory. We should never ignore our emotions. They exist for a reason: to warn us, protect us and guide us through life. Cruel behavior or abusive remarks from others should not be tolerated. We have a right to be angry when someone hurts or insults us. It is a threat to our emotional well-being. Anger is the emotion that alerts us that something is wrong and causes us to finally take action. Do not hide from your anger. You must recognize it as a signal that there is a problem that needs to be resolved. We become angry because there is an issue of some kind that requires our attention. In my opinion, anger is like an internal alarm system telling us something is wrong. To ignore it is dangerous. Research tells us women who do not acknowledge anger or do not process anger in a healthy way are more vulnerable to health problems. Rates of diagnosed breast cancer are found to be higher in women who have never openly expressed their anger. Do not repress your anger. Acknowledging your anger is the first step in releasing resentment and ultimately allows you to move on. Forgiveness is a personal choice each of us should make. I do not believe it is necessary to forgive the person who abused us. However, I do think it is critical we forgive ourselves for falling for someone who wasn’t who we thought they were. We must not beat ourselves up for the time we spent in a toxic relationship. We did absolutely nothing wrong but believe in the goodness of another human being. Forgiving ourselves is essential. Hopefully, you’re beginning to see the importance of acknowledging and processing your feelings of anger when they occur. If we do not allow ourselves to feel anger, we lose out on the benefits of it – motivation, strength, energy, power and protection. Many of us do not realize just how powerful a force anger can be. When anger is used to motivate us to make life changes that promote our emotional well-being, it is positive. However, when we express anger through aggressive or passive-aggressive means, it is negative. Anger can motivate you to make needed changes in your life or it can make you emotionally and physically ill if you hold it in. It can empower you or it can kill your relationships if you take your anger out on someone in the wrong way. Instead of being honest and acknowledging their anger, many people shift blame, project and abuse others. I believe the way you handle your anger affects all of your relationships, including your relationship with yourself. Many of us are so afraid of anger that we direct the anger inward at ourselves instead of expressing it outward. Others take their anger out on innocent people. Anger externalized can lead to violence, while anger internalized causes depression and health problems. Process your anger by writing. Express your feelings through art or music. Create something beautiful to honor yourself and your emotions. Workout, kick-box, run. These are all healthy ways of processing anger and agression. You are entitled to your feelings and should not repress them!

Happy is right. He will use it to make you out to look like the crazy person. It's just not worth it. I am going through the same thing right now and it takes all I can do everyday not to beat the hell out of him or call him and go crazy on him. I won't give him the satisfaction of knowing I still think about it. That would make him a very happy person! He wants me to wallow in sadness over him and I won't let him know he gets to me. Maybe that will help you not send the email. Do you really want him to see your pain? Mine would just get pleasure from it. Stay strong!! HUGS! Sara

I can truly relate to what you're feeling. I am 4 months NC and the anger comes and goes. Right now it is intense. Every time I feel like 'outing' him to the few people he still has fooled, I remember that that would be giving him supply. Also, I agree with Happy. The spin the disordered ones will put on it about you won't be worth it. It's tough to go through the anger. I still have a ton of it because it is so NOT OKAY what the disordered one did to me and MY LIFE, but I SO DO NOT ever want him to know how much it still bothers me. That would be supply, even though it's negative supply. It's still supply. Hope this helps, Truly. I also burned stuff of his and photos, which helped a bit, too. Sincerely (still trying to stop) spinning

NO letters! Especially when you're in an angry state of mind as you are. These guys look for every little bit of proof to make you look crazy. Sending him an angry letter would give him that. He's not worth it either way. Write him a letter, but stick it in a binder and shove it AWAY in a closet. That's exactly what I do. Even when I have those super weak days (which are becoming less and less as time passes) I write a letter titled to him what I would say to him. Just how angry I am at him, how much I miss him, how much I want to burn his house down, and pull the OW's hair out of her head. But I will never send any of them. I think the anger is valid in situations of that with an xn. But admitting them to him, especially can only be harmful. Writing it out as a real letter and not sending it. It's a tremendous relief to get it out. And at the end of the day I feel even better. Better that I didn't let my short term backwards spiral of emotions, force me to contact him. But I got it out. They always find a way back in if you give them that option. Contacting him ANY way, gives him that crack in the door he needs to make you weak again and drop you to your knees. DONT SEND!

A letter doesn't help and only makes you look bad to all the people you would cc on it. The narc's have a great way of making us look like the bad, crazy women. It would give him reason to say to everyone...look I told you she was a nut! I had my anger stage in December and I remember it was so strong that it was hard to even sleep. I did get through it as you will. It just takes time and you have to use your energy you have right now to exercise or clean or something to keep moving. Good luck!