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Mini Hoover Attempt

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#1 Mar 8 - 7AM
mystwoman
mystwoman's picture

Mini Hoover Attempt

Well I just got a mini hoover attempt from xnh, and yet another meaningless apology a few minutes ago. Even though he's been told to remain completely NC with me at work by management because of harassment complaints from myself, he stuck his head into my office door this morning saying, "I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry that I hurt you, and I do miss you". Then he left.

I'm taking this for exactly what is really is...a worthless apology so that xnh can pat himself on the back for being a "good" person (again). I'm sure this attempt came from a conversation I had with a mutual friend about a week ago. The mutual friend was making comments about xnh's "innocence" concerning his abusive behavior towards me while we were together, and how "lonely" xnh is now. When the friend said this to me, I told him, "Oh bullsh*t. I'm sure xnh doesn't even miss me. He didn't give a crap about me when I was his wife. He may miss my wallet now, but he doesn't miss me as a person. Maybe xnh should think about all of those bruises he left on me, if he's so lonely. I truly loved xnh. He killed it." The friend got defensive of xnh, and then quickly shut up right after when he saw that he was just going to piss me off talking about xnh. He has been spending vast amounts of time with xnh, and I'm sure that he's just buying into xnh's "little victim" stories. Xnh is always a little victim and everything that happens is ALWAYS someone else's fault (usually me).

Xnh was merely hoovering, and his apology was just another vague, worthless apology. I've noticed that xnh has NEVER apologized for his cheating, his abusive behavior, or anything else that he's specifically done. He's only capable of the generic "vanilla" variety of apology, and only when he thinks it will make himself look good in someone else's eyes (currently this friend). Now he can go back to the friend, and say, "I apologized to mystwoman, and she's just nasty because she still won't be my friend." Nope, I won't.

Not only that, I see his behavior this morning for just as lame as it really is. I was actually fairly proud of myself that my attitude was, "whatever", and it has not impacted my good mood at all. To quote one of my friends, this upset me about as much as "water rolling off a duck's back".

Xnh did not get the power to ruin my good spirits this morning. :) :) :)

Mar 14 - 8AM
fierflie
fierflie's picture

http://www.heartlessbitches.c

http://www.heartlessbitches.com/rants/manipulator/apology.shtml this is the article i sent mine after he asked if we could meet for a 'cappacino and lighten up' after seeing my intention to file a civil law suite for him beating me with a belt then abandoning ME. i'm SO glad you saw through his BS.
Mar 14 - 8AM (Reply to #16)
mystwoman
mystwoman's picture

Thanks fierflie! Great

Thanks fierflie! Great article. Xnh has done every single one of those things. These narcs are complete wastes of space, aren't they? What losers! lol.

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

Mar 8 - 11PM
aceonelady
aceonelady's picture

mini hoover? maybe a translation,for me Ladies?

My ex N told me a week ago trough e mail ,after changing his cell number "I know and i remember i told you you are a good person,but not with me". "I still have your picture the one i like so much...while you keep saying i forgot you or whatever...You just need to stop thinking that you know how i feel or what i think C(me).i don't think or do all that crazy stuff you think i do.Goodnight,or is it "have a horrible night" sense you don't want me to say something good,something i wish to say.Well goodnight anyway....

Aceonelady

Mar 9 - 8AM (Reply to #14)
prettypeeved
prettypeeved's picture

That sounds familiar. I was

That sounds familiar. I was repeatedly told "Stop trying to second-guess me" which I think really meant "You're too close for comfort and about to figure out my latest childish little game."
Mar 8 - 8AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Mystwoman

Gotta love it! They just never stop! We should play a game as to how long he keeps his friend! Whats he using this guy for! You stayed strong, good for u! Idealk
Mar 8 - 10AM (Reply to #10)
Used
Used's picture

useing

he is useing the friend to keep a foot in each camp, i would get rid of freind as well.
Mar 8 - 5PM (Reply to #11)
mystwoman
mystwoman's picture

Ideal and used. I agree with

Ideal and used. I agree with you both. Xnh is using this friend to keep one foot in each camp. I think xnh's NS is really low right now, and this friend is the only person that will do anything socially with him from our old group. Because of this, xnh seems to be clinging to him like stink on poop. Since this friend is consistently a "security leak" for me, it has been making a serious strain on our friendship. I can only ask this guy to stop talking about xnh just so many times. I've already been distancing myself from him more and more for several months now. We normally talk about science fiction and books. Period. Nothing much personal, if I can help it. I have been really tired of this friend's unwanted "news flashes" about xnh for quite some time. He KNOWS I don't want to hear about xnh. I've told this guy enough times now. Therefore, beginning next week, I have definite new lunch plans with other friends this mutual friend is not interested in. I'm choosing to step away from this guy, and finding less hurtful companionship. If the mutual friend wants to spend his time with xnh, so be it, but I'm not going to be around him for xnh's information gathering purposes any longer. I've heard xnh bad-mouth everyone we've known for years (including this mutual friend). Xnh will stab him in the back just like he does everyone. It hurts, but some people simply won't believe what xnh really is like until they find out on their own. My best friend is correct that xnh is trying to "poison the well" concerning this mutual friend. That IS xnh's way. I will no longer accept this guy passing personal information between xnh and I. It's toxic to me. Therefore you guys are correct, and I'm stepping away from the mutual friend.

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

Mar 9 - 7AM (Reply to #12)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Mystwoman

2 thumbs up to you! Idealk
Mar 8 - 7AM
strongerthanever
strongerthanever's picture

Yay! Good for you! I think I

Yay! Good for you! I think I would have laughed out loud after he walked away because it is that ridiculous. Why they do that, who knows. It is an ego stroke to make themselves feel good and that they are a "good guy". Mine did that too. He even told me, "I think I'm a good guy" as he was already putting the charm on another woman behind my back and deceiving me. He also thinks he is a "good guy" by telling his family, "I want her to find happiness. I did love her deeply and want the best for her" as he was already brining the new OW (now his wife) to Spokane just months after I was there. It was all for them to think that he did care, he does have a heart and yet, he is sliding in another girl with no consequences on how he treated me or my son. Of course he had to say that! How can he bring a new OW around after they just told him he was an a-hole for treating my son like sh*t and how abusive and toxic the relationship was. It is all smoke and mirrors! It is like a sinner confessing their sins to only keep doing it. As long as they confess and ask God for forgiveness, they see it as a free pass.
Mar 9 - 6AM (Reply to #8)
newpage
newpage's picture

Strongerthanever!

Oy! Mine said the same thing too! I thought it was so bizarre when in one argument when I was completely hysterical and reading him the laundry list of everything he had done- the lies, the betrayal, using all of these people around him for his sick personal agenda, he announced in the middle of it: 'I am a good person.' It was truly a WTF moment- I was totally taken aback! It was just the most absurdly ridiculous assessment ANYONE could have given in response to that laundry list! It's like someone insisting what is down is actually up, and what is black is actually white..All the while, like yours he knew he was moving on to the other woman.. I just didn't even know what to say. Actually, I think I said 'Whatever helps you sleep well at night.' Madness! 'Good guys', indeed. NP
Mar 8 - 7AM (Reply to #2)
mystwoman
mystwoman's picture

These narcs just boggle the

These narcs just boggle the mind, don't they? lol. Xnh can't even manage to confess to anything specific. I'm sorry but "I may have possibly committed a sin" is NOT the same as "I cheated and abused my wife". It's not in my book anyway. Like yours, xnh actually told me that *I* know he was a "good" husband when he D&D'd. Well, if he calls a husband that abuses, cheats, and systematically destroys every ounce of self-esteem in his wife to be a "good husband", then I guess his definition is a whole lot different than mine. Personally, I thought he sucked as a husband (and as a human being). But what do I know? rofl.

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

Mar 9 - 6AM (Reply to #7)
newpage
newpage's picture

Mystwoman, this made me laugh

Mystwoman, this made me laugh in your original post: 'He's only capable of the generic "vanilla" variety of apology' My ex is so VANILLA its not even funny. Bland. The non apologies are the worse. Blanket 'I'm sorry' should just about cover years of psychological and mental abuse inflicted on multiple persons! They can't really atone for what they've done, because their souls are so black I don't think they even want to begin to ponder that.. Hugs NP
Mar 8 - 7AM (Reply to #3)
strongerthanever
strongerthanever's picture

Oh Lord! The more I hear

Oh Lord! The more I hear everyone's stories, the more I am 100% confident they are made from the same cloth. Mine did say that he was a "sh*tty boyfriend/fiancee". And months later, I was telling him "Yep, you were just that." It made him so mad and he was telling his family that I was saying mean things to him. Whatever dude! I told his sister that he said it. That was the truth coming out and I guess he was looking for me to say, "no honey, you were good to me. when you opened the doors, mowed my grass, that erased the lies and cheating and emotionally abandoning/neglecting me and my son. the small and rare acts of kindness definately made it all better." In your dreams!
Mar 8 - 7AM (Reply to #4)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

"You don't need me"

The ex-Psych prof told me that... that I didn't need him. Yep, I did *NOT* need him! He'd always whine that I didn't "need" him whenever I was volunteering, happy, being with my friends. He also said "You don't want to be stuck with me for the rest of your life." That explains why I wasn't that mad at his live-in girlfriend. Being "stuck" with him would've been no way to live. Early on, he said, "I'm not that good a teacher... I'm not that smart a philosopher." Oh, and that he had problems relating to people. Truth coming out. Glad I never wore a ring on my finger from him. Glad he never knocked me up.
Mar 8 - 6PM (Reply to #5)
IncognitoBurrito
IncognitoBurrito's picture

Suze

Mine said I'd be "better off" without him. I couldn't even process those words at that time! I just started crying my eyes out! Twisted stuff. Smart guy!
Mar 8 - 9PM (Reply to #6)
strongerthanever
strongerthanever's picture

how about..."I don't think I

how about..."I don't think I am the right man for you" or "It should be easy. It shouldn't be this hard." Translation: I know I am not a good person and you are expecting way too much out of me. and It is too hard to keep this mask on and convince you all that I am and say is real and the truth. You keep catching me in lies and it is getting harder to cover my tracks.