190 Days

I promised myself I’d let you go
190 days times the 10,000 tears I cried
If it came down to just one more lie,

That final lie came and it went
With all the energy I had spent,
The craziness left that day with you
If indeed the world only knew

Loving and believing and staying
Trying and waiting and praying
That you would finally see
How much the love I gave was worth
You would stop hurting me

190 days ago my dreams came to an end
No love, no truth, no life
No lover, husband and wife
All I had in my hands were deceptions
All my heart with its best laid intentions
Was broken

I made the choice to sever
The strings that made you so clever
I kicked you straight out of my door
And let the devastation finally pour
I laid my head down upon the floor
And I begged god to take me once more
The pain you invoked was so blinding
A lost heart I’ve had trouble finding

190 days sober
With moments I sigh now its finally over
With seconds of maybe what if
And days of, its better like this

My road to recovery a slow one
The damage so deep, not yet undone
191 days ago I was blind
And with that one day left behind
I am seeing myself as unhealthy
You were the hurricane for the mighty and wealthy
As they say my kindom awaits
I must somehow be forgiven my mistakes

You ruined every single thing I believed
An innocence torn apart and deceived
But here in my defence I will stand
My respect, my dignity, I command

You will never again look down on me
Shut me up, push me away, or break me down to my knees
I’m not crying this, I am shouting it
Should been the whole time in retrospect

190 days ago I left my prison
Right now I am fighting for a vision
Where I am ok
Fade away
Never to see you again

Like I said I made a promise
I intend to add days to that onus
In a life time , maybe, years
I know I may forget the tears
But I know I will never forget
The man that I most fear

The one and only true lie of my life